Season 1 - Episode 3

Mia And Her Neck Survive Vampire Wedding

Monday, September 5, 2011

Mia And Her Neck Survive Vampire Wedding

After shifting my career from the cut-throat “World of Fashion” to the French Quarter Wedding Chapel, I wasn’t expecting people to go for my jugular anymore… but then Queen M of the vampires and Sheriff Steve showed up ready to tie the knot, and this time the threat felt LITERAL. Of course, using the term “people” would be stretching it a bit with this couple, as far as I’m concerned.

The Voodoo ceremony preceding their vows was amazing. I was even happy to have Maria there; she may be cold-blooded but for alternative bait she works just fine. In the end I got some beautiful pictures while covering up my neck just in case anybody got any ideas. After surviving this I’m thinking that things might not be so bad, but of course all hell breaks loose on the actual wedding day (or night, as it were in this case).

Maria was nowhere to be found, so I had to help Queen M get ready. This put me right within fangs reach of her, not to mention the scariest and weirdest bridal party I’ve ever seen. The maid of honor, Sue, is a vampire, and got hissy when Queen M started talking about giving the honors to witch-slave (WTH?!?!) Camille. There was also a girl who they called “Companion” and I have no clue what her role was apart from being quiet and cowering. I was happy to escape the room and leave them to their prep and drama.
Then things went from bad to worse: it seemed like EVERYBODY in the damned wedding had fangs. I felt like my translucent skin was a throbbing road map to the buffet for these bloodsuckers. I had worn my cross as protection but Queen M snidely remarked it as being “a cute touch”, and it became clear that my knowledge of vampire deterring needed some updating.

In the end I found out that the term “Companion” refers pretty much to the vampire equivalent of a lunch-box, and I couldn’t get out of the mansion soon enough. I wish Queen M and Sheriff Steve the eternal happiness they deserve, but hope I never have to cross paths with them again.