Stealing Hearts and Headlines

The creative and extravagant lengths celebrities go to so they can stay in the news!

They say that love is blind. And for Mariah Carey, it may be deaf and dumb, too. Yes, it's true. The songbird from Long Island, who tied the knot with the 43-year-old head of her label at the age of 23, was apparently ready to give the whole marriage thing a try again -- this time at 37, with 26-year-old actor/musician Nick Cannon. Despite the 11-year age difference (when, it should be noted, the whole age difference thing didn't work so well the first time), despite the fact that she has both a new album and a new movie to promote and weddings are the kind of PR assaults that put publicists to shame, despite the news that her ring may well be the same one that Cannon's previous fiancée sported, Mariah is so positive this is the real thing that she's already talking babies.

But should we believe her? Well, Oprah, who knows exactly what true love looks like even if it isn't jumping up and down on her couch, has revealed that Mariah was committed to Cannon an entire two weeks before they walked down the aisle. Does Oprah know this because of her Oprah superpowers? Potentially, but it's also due to the fact that she saw that Mariah had chosen to prove her love the Hollywood way *(points for aggressive placement however: this baby's on her neck).

Tongue-waggers should probably take note of the fact that Carey won't be the only one benefiting from this union: Cannon has no less than four movies he'd like the public to buy tickets to, not to mention clothes to sell. And just how good a salesman is he? Well, you'd better believe that news of his nuptials was up on his website in record time—right below the exciting fact that you can hire him to DJ your event. (Do it now and he may even toss in an appearance from his blushing bride!)

In other celebrity news, Lindsay Lohan most definitely has a case of sticky fingers. It may have seemed like a wanna-be trying to get her name in the papers the first time the accusations went flying but when a second victim steps forward, it's probably safe to assume that Lohan's got a Winona Ryder itch to scratch. It sure makes the news about LiLo's alleged lesbianism seem dull, doesn't it? I mean everyone who's anyone in Hollywood has been through that phase (some for longer than others) but give our favorite Mean Girl points for breaking down with a bit more originality.

With Nicole Richie running for Mother of the Year and Paris attempting to follow in her Simple Life costar's footsteps by clinging to the twin bro of Harlow's baby daddy, it's gotten to the point where La Lohan isn't just leading the out-of-control Hollywood girl parade but also the only one on the float.

Save, of course, Mariah. After this latest move, she'll definitely always be our craziest baby.