Always a Dull Moment

Some Hollywood couples are boring no matter what they do. Others need only to breath and we're kept entertained.

We have great news for everyone who's so thoroughly anaesthetized by the Reese Witherspoon-Jake Gyllenhaal union that they've found themselves simply struggling to stay awake while perusing articles about what the World's Least Interesting Couple does with their time. But now it's time to focus on Reese's ex, Ryan. While he's clearly not going to be joining Mensa anytime soon (though proud Mensa member Sharon Stone may not be doing a whole lot lately to help the group maintain that image that it's for smart people), his body alone makes him worth caring about in our book. And guess what? He's given us another reason--by stepping out semi-officially with the woman who allegedly busted up his marriage, Aussie plain Jane Abbie Cornish. According to one of those sources that always seem to be around when celebrity couples are all over each other, "he was all over her" at Teddy's in Hollywood.

Teddy's is, of course, one of Lindsay Lohan's favorite spots (though, to be fair, any place that serves liquor seems to make the grade with LiLo). But the hospital-addicted potential lesbian is actually pretending that she's going to cool down on the nightlife action for the next chunk of time. That's right, our favorite train wreck has gotten a job. And we're not talking about getting paid to come clean about the fact that she likes girls or trying to get free crap for her birthday. Girlfriend's got a real job in a real movie--which, if it's anything like her last few, means that all the excitement will come from the shoot and not from the box office or, God forbid, the reviews.

Speaking of excitement on the set, The Hills girls are still at war over the fact that Lauren Conrad remains single while her former best friends du jour are not. And our favorite glamour girls seem to be getting even more desperate of late, showing up at the opening of a bowling alley. If that seems unspeakably sad, imagine how much more pathetic it actually was, what with the former BFFs standing lanes apart, then providing impossibly boring sound bites about why.

Only time will tell how Lauren really feels about the news that her least compelling cast mate (and that's saying quite something) has landed her very own spin-off. That's right, Whitney Port has now been deemed worth focusing on for an entire half hour. Who else is ready to stage a revolt and demand that producers green light that Speidy show instead? Because say what you will about Heidi and Spencer (and people do), we'd edge Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal out for them any time.