Loose Lips Sink Hollywood Ships

If there's anything celebrities are even worse at than maintaining healthy relationships, it's keeping their mouths shut about them -- not to mention about everything else.

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are essentially verging on setting the world record for mud slinging, despite having sworn they'd chill on even mentioning one another's names. (We have to ask: what kind of a mind actually believes that calling someone "whatsherface" means you're not actually talking about her?)

The latest news is that Denise in no way wants his sperm, tried to crash his wedding or got a $40 million divorce settlement. While we have to side with Denise on this one -- honestly, is there any woman alive who would accept Sheen's sperm if not under duress? -- she's the one who chose to marry the guy and girlfriend's got to accept the fact that we all reap what we sow.

Perhaps Justin Timberlake has the right idea about Hollywood marriages. According to his BFF Trace Ayala, the Love Guru star isn't going to tie the knot with current girlfriend Jessica Biel. And how lucky is Timberlake to have a spokesperson do his dirty work for him? If he went ahead and told a reporter that he in no way intended to slip a ring on Biel's finger, she'd surely flee, but his clothing line and restaurant business partner/professional hanger-on can say whatever he wants and, much like Angelina Jolie's talkative brother, be somewhat ignored. (Fully understanding the rules of being a hanger-on -- did he study under CaCee Cobb? -- Ayala manages to not only stay gainfully employed because of his connection but also snag actress girlfriend after actress girlfriend.)

Speaking of snagging girlfriends, pint-sized reality star Tila Tequila has decided that she's responsible for California dropping its ban on gay marriage. And what can we say about that? Give a girl whose only claim to fame is that she has a lot of MySpace friends a TV show and watch the delusions pile up.

In other news from the shocking statements that shouldn't be uttered department, Katherine Heigl has explained that the reason she was left off this year's Emmy list is that she did not feel, given the "material this season," that she "warranted" an Emmy nomination, and "in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization," she withdrew her name from consideration. Now this is the same girl who said that the movie that made her famous was "sexist" and painted the women in it as "shrews." While we certainly knew that long before she told us, we also didn't sign up to play the lead in it. As for the "integrity" of the Emmy's, is Heigl aware of the fact that people from Two and a Half Men regularly claim these awards?

Say what you will but something good has to be going on when all roads lead back to Charlie Sheen.