Splitsville in Hollywood

Losing Their Religion (Not to Mention Their Love and Freedom)...It was bound to happen sometime.

We're talking, of course, about the fact that celebrities blindly following the Kaballah trend were going to have to wake up at some point to the fact that giving a tenth of your income to your religion, "reading" a religious text by scanning your finger over it and wearing a little red string didn't make a lot of sense.

For Guy Ritchie, apparently, this epiphany is going to cost him his marriage. Because Madge is, of course, even more famously obsessed with Kaballah than she is with whatever her workout du jour is. They each have their divorce lawyers so it looks like we're just waiting this one out.

Mr. and Mrs. Madonna aren't, however, the only union to be coming untethered. Enrique Iglesias and Anna Kournikova are, apparently, no longer married. This, of course, may not come as a surprise to those of us who didn't actually know they were married since they refused to ever confirm it. And while some (very deep inside) part of us respects them for not feeling the need to publicize the hell out of their wedding and passionate love for each other only to later divorce nastily, this other part of us finds it impossible to respect someone who sums up his entire secret marriage with the statement, "I don't know what happened." Really, Enrique. How are we supposed to judge you if you can't even tell us what went down?

One couple that looks like they probably won't make it to the altar now is Anne Hathaway and her Italian "businessman" beau who, it turns out, bilked $6 million out of his investors to trot his Get Smart girlfriend around the globe. Despite their four years together, Hathaway has, apparently, ditched the guy rather than forking over $21 million for his bail. (Hey, Guy Ritchie probably "tithed" at least that much to Kaballah.)

Another two that we don't predict a blissful future for are Verne Troyer and his sex tape costar, aspiring model Ranae Shrider. While we can't bring ourselves to actually watch said video (we value our eyes too much), others feel differently and Verne has actually lobbed a $20 million lawsuit at TMZ, alleging that the site violated his privacy rights by posting the video. Is it just us or does it seem like Mini Me should be paying people to watch it, rather than the other way around?

On the other end of the aesthetic scale is the now stalker-free Uma Thurman who just announced her engagement to Elle Macpherson's ex, Arpad Busson. While we're not certain what it is, exactly, about this guy that makes him able to snag some of the loveliest ladies on earth, we think it might be related to the fact that he's able to, say, give her a ring that's so big, "she can't fit it through the sleeve of her coat." And with values that strong, who says this can't be the Hollywood marriage that will last?