A Celebration of Life

Khalil remembers his mother by preparing and serving a special meal for his family.

By Khalil Hymore

I am often asked where I get my love of cooking and entertaining from. Well, like most people, I get it from my mom and her sisters -- all great cooks and hostesses. My mom, who passed away almost two years ago, loved throwing parties and she always cooked for them herself -- no takeout or catering allowed! She was famous for her annual holiday party. So famous, in fact, that one year she didn't throw it and people called our house, miffed, thinking that their invitation got lost in the mail. Some years she had to throw it twice for two separate crowds of people!

My mom's holiday parties were amazing. She had a Christmas tree in every room, which gave the whole house a magical glow. Then there was the food. Each year she would proclaim that she was just going to make simple finger foods and serve easy desserts, but somehow it never quite turned out that way. These were feasts, like something out of a Dickens novel. Pâtés, cheeses, ham, figgy pudding, Christmas cookies, and candy decorated the table like beautiful works of art. It was always fun (not to mention formative) to see people eat, drink, and be merry, and know that our mom had created all of it.

There are many moments that I miss my mother. Mother's Day, of course, and the holidays too, but even a regular old Sunday morning can fill me with longing. Sunday mornings were devoted to The Martha Stewart Show. I would get up early and watch with my mom. An avid watcher of Meet the Press and CBS Sunday Morning as well, I too have followed in her footsteps, and get a little sad when I see those programs. As the holidays fast approach, I know that they will be difficult, as they are for many of you who have lost someone.

I've slowly learned that milestones, such as holidays and birthdays do not have to be sad occasions. With time, and a little effort, they can become wonderful celebrations of life. The beginning of October marked what would have been my mother's 62nd birthday, and my sister and I made a point to spend that day together cooking a lovely meal for ourselves, our significant others, to honor the memory of our mom. Because of the crisp autumn weather, we decided on a simple hearty steakhouse menu that was delicious and comforting--seared steaks with Béarnaise sauce, roasted fingerling potatoes, a simple salad, and molten chocolate cakes for dessert. We even set the table with our mom's things. It was such a comfort to iron my mom's linens and to lay out her dishes. To top it off we opened a bottle of wine given to us by our aunt as we settled into our meal.

What could have been a very sad day ended up becoming a really pleasant evening. Our meal was delicious and because my sister and I prepared it together it was really quite easy. We laughed and told stories about our mother, remembering the good times and, in a way, it was as if she was there sharing her birthday with us. It was good to know that we had faced such a milestone with courage and happiness, which hopefully will set the tone for the rest of the holiday season.

For all you who have lost someone near and dear, you do not have to dread the celebratory season ahead. Honor the ones you have loved and lost by talking about them, remembering them, and cook with them by preparing a favorite meal or recipe. I feel so special whenever I crack one of my mother's old cookbooks and prepare a dish that I remember her making as a child. Keeping the traditions alive of those who taught us how to celebrate in the first place is the best way to be with them again, even if it is just for an evening.