Typecasting

Einstein's definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Perhaps no one agrees with this more than Andrea Syrtash, a New York relationship expert and life coach who's featured on the NBC Digital Studios show, On Dating.

The author of How to Survive the Real World and How to Survive Your In-Laws sees a steady stream of clients who struggle with relationship woes. Her primary piece of advice? Consider ditching what you've always thought of as your type.

"People get very caught up in who they think they should be with and it limits them," Syrtash explains. "In dating, you have to be open-minded and willing to take some risks." While she understands that actively trying to like the kind of men you've never been interested in before is somewhat counterintuitive, she rhetorically (and reasonably) asks, "If you're continuing to date the same type and it isn't working, why not try something new?"

You have to admit that the girl has a point. But does that mean that the time has come for all the single gals out there to take a collective deep breath, grab hands, and support each other through relationships with the red-haired, tiny, bald, or whatever other quality or characteristic it is we tend to dislike the most in the opposite sex?

Not necessarily. "Look, if you've always dated gregarious guys, try shy ones. If you've never dated someone who makes less money than you, consider it," Syrtash urges. (In other words, take baby steps.) "How a person looks--on paper--is so much less important than how you feel when you're with him."

Easy words to say, but living by them is a different matter altogether. Still, Syrtash knows of what she speaks. "We all get stuck in our own patterns-- not just in dating but in life--and it takes a lot to shake those up," she says. "But the times that I've thought outside the box in my own life have been some of my greatest experiences, like when I spent a year in Jerusalem because I was fascinated by Middle Eastern history or moved to San Francisco or decided to become a writer. If it fails--well, I admire people who fail because at least it means the person went for something."

In the case of non-type dating, Syrtash really put herself where her philosophy is: She's now married to a drummer/improv actor/teacher she "didn't even consider dating" in the years she was friends with him before they got involved. She tended to like older, more successful men, "great guys from nice families who made good money," but none who shared her creative spirit.

"Michael just 'got' me," she says of the guy friend she was so sure she didn't like in that way that she actually set him up with friends. And since it worked for her, Syrtash doesn't see why it can't for the rest of us. One caveat, however: "I think women are more likely to change in this way," she says. "I'm less optimistic about it working with men, who are more set in their ways."

Especially the ones who are our type.