Pillow Party Etiquette

Some basic snooze guidelines to handling the one-night stand...post-sex.

by Anna David

We've all--or most of us, anyway--had the requisite one-night-stand. We've done the walk of shame--probably in the little black dress that seemed infinitely more appealing when we first put it on the night before, with mascara smudges giving us raccoon eyes. So what is the sleeping etiquette when you both know that this is just a one-time thing? Are you allowed to plug his nose if he's snoring or simply get up and leave? And can you count on some spooning?

"Expect nothing, and demand very little," suggests New York sexologist Eric Marlowe Garrison, MAEd, MSc. "Everyone is entitled to a good night's sleep, but don't overstep your boundaries." In other words, if his snores sound like they're capable of waking up the deaf old lady down the hall, it's not your place to wake him up and inform him of that.

According to Garrison, the key element is candor. If you're a light sleeper, tell him; if you're a cuddle fanatic, let him know. This isn't to say that he'll tiptoe around to make sure you get your necessary eight hours or that he'll hold you in his arms all night, but at least give him a chance by telling him what's on your mind rather than expecting him to read it.

And candor is equally important if you're considering trying to make this one-night stand into something more. Garrison says that if you think you like the person, you should suggest a plan, either for another night out or brunch the following morning. "Avoid the superfluous and awkward 'See you around'--or worse, 'We'll have to do this again sometime,'" Garrison cautions.

There's also, of course, the possibility that your own sleeping manners wouldn't win you any points with Emily Post. Some of the most ladylike women around have also been known to saw some logs. So if you're thinking you might be one of them and are entertaining the idea of entertaining some overnight company, why not try out a netty pot earlier in the day?

But the best advice of all is probably the hardest to hear, and that's that plenty of men don't want the one-night stand to turn into an overnight guest. Back in my days of random flings, I always tried to avoid the sleepover at all costs, not only because I'm the lightest sleeper known to man but also because I had a sort of irrational fear of outstaying my welcome.

I'd think of that line from When Harry Met Sally when Harry explains that after sex, all men think is "How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home?" Then I'd get up and go before it could even occur to my partner-in-fling that he'd want me to.

But hey, if you're braver than I, why not cuddle up to the guy and try to catch a few zzzz's? At the very least, it could inspire some interesting dreams.