The Politics of Dating

Liza Persky clarifies her positions on some important issues.

By Liza Persky

With the world's attention focused right now on the upcoming election, and people deciding on where their candidate stands on the issues, it got me to thinking about where I stand on the issues. The issues of dating, that is.  Dating is political.  If you don't believe me, watch an episode of "The Bachelor."  Each week, those ladies, and I use the term loosely, are up for the vote, and depending on their position on the issues, or how many shots they can do in a hot tub, they either get sent home or survive to campaign another day. So, with so much at stake now in our country, and in the event anyone who reads this is interested in going out with me, here's where I stand on The Issues:

The Economy:  I never assume a man is going to pay for me on a first date.  I always go for my wallet, and if they don't stop me, I pay my share.  Now, here's where it gets a little contradictory: If I do pay, I'm not happy.  Not because I think he's cheap, or has no class or sophistication, it just makes me suddenly feel like it wasn't a real date.  Paying for me is a signal that he likes me.  Now, has a guy paid for me and never called? Hell yes. But at least I have the false sense of security, for the next 24 hours anyway, that this is going somewhere.   By the way, before you take out the wallet and offer to pay, make sure you have some money to back it up. THAT was an unfortunate evening two years ago that I'd soon rather forget.

Foreign Policy:  My foreign policy is, YES.  Especially if you're Italian.

Health Care:  I'm right there if you're not feeling well, and consider myself to have a pretty good bedside manner. But please, when you say, "I feel like I'm dying," try to make the distinction between really needing to be rushed to the emergency room and consuming too many buffalo wings at lunch.

Homeland Security: If we're home and there's a strange knock at the door, or a noise that can't be explained, I'm pretty well-versed in how to lock the door or call 911.  Now, if we're home a mouse goes running by: Go to it, big guy.

Education: Considering I went to alternative schools and spent most of my formative years learning how to make carob cookies and dream catchers, I'm good to go if you can carry on a conversation about something other than NASCAR.

Jobs:  Have one.

Gun Control: Unless we're talking about the guns under your t-shirt, control away.

Technology & Infrastructure: I am a sucker for a guy who knows his way around a computer breakdown and software update, but before you take my broken Blackberry and, against my wishes, start pressing every button, key and application that you see, please know what you're doing!

Free Trade:  I have no idea what this means, but it sounds risky.

Energy & Oil:  Every answer I can think of to this issue goes down a lewd path, and since my father reads this blog, in the infamous words of Sarah Palin, "I'll have to get back to you on that one."

Experience:  Enough to know what you're doing, but not enough to know what I'm not doing.