Waxing Poetic

I was getting a bikini wax the other day and Marina, my Russian waxer, who I've been going to for 15 years, asked me the same question she's been asking me for fifteen years. "So, any dates?" The answer was no, and then we got into our usual discussion on why it's so hard for me to meet anyone, how I just can't find the right man, and how more and more I feel like I'd rather go home and watch Dancing with the Stars than to actually go out on a date. At the end of the waxing she stood up, proudly staring down at what she had just accomplished, let out a sigh and said, "I can't believe nobody is going to see this!" On her face was a look of complete disappointment. Like, if Michaelangelo finished "The David" and was told it was going to be put in the basement of the Accademia and never be seen again. But as guilty as I felt for upsetting her, I also wanted her to know that even though no man was likely to see her artistry, in the immediate future anyway, I myself enjoy and appreciate it every single day.

But it did get me to thinking about the whole "to-wax-or-not-to-wax question." Do women wax ultimately to appeal to men, or are we doing it for ourselves? I can see both sides. I'll admit that in the past, when I've been seeing someone, I do look forward to the first date after a waxing. NOT because I think he's even necessarily going to find out about it, but I do feel sexier and it does help my confidance going into the date. On the flip side, recently my friend Sarah had a date with a guy she knew was wrong for her in every way, and was worried that, given the right circumstances, and enough whiskey sours, she might go further than she should, so how did she make sure that didn't happen? She DIDN'T get waxed right before the date. She knew when it came down to it, no matter how things progressed, she wasn't going to let him see her in all of her natural glory. As she told me, "All three Jonas Brothers are more likely to see a vagina tonight then my date is."

I decided to ask some men what they thought. Mark said, he doesn't like the idea of sleeping with a woman who's "bare down there" because he wants to be with a woman, not a little girl. I think he, and a lot of people, are under the impression that when it comes to waxing, it's all or nothing. And when you have Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton running around town getting photographed without their underpants, I guess I understand why.

But then, I don't think men are the best judges of women and waxing. I once went out with a guy who was jealous because I was getting waxed to go on vacation with my sister. Like, "why would you waste it on her?"

Another guy friend of mine, Brad, who seemed somewhat obsessed with how intimate the whole process must be, asked me the other day if I ever get turned on when I'm being waxed. I asked him if he's ever gotten turned on when he's getting a Prostate exam, while simultaneously getting punched in the face? It's not exactly a Fantasy Suite Date on The Bachelor.

I guess when all is said and done getting waxed is a very personal decision. Where, how, how often....it's between you and your waxer. I actually am afraid if I ever DO have a boyfriend, Marina will be so excited, she'll want to do her best work ever, and, not to go into detail, but unless she's going to move up to my head, there's really not much else she could do. I guess not having a boyfriend has its advantages.