Live and Let Date

This Bud's for You

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Our dating blogger creates an online alter ego.

By Liza Persky

When you've been single as long as I have you find yourself doing things, and agreeing to things, that normally you never would, ("Singles night of nacho's" comes to mind) so when my step-mother called to tell me she had someone to fix me up with, I said yes immediately. I asked who it was and she said she actually didn't know him. Then she revealed to me that, posing AS me, she went on an online dating website to see if she is any better at finding a man for me than I am. I don't know if that's a sign of the apocalypse, but it's certainly a sign that I may die alone. She said he's a creative director at an ad agency, he's 6"3, dark, handsome, has an air of mystery and graduated from Brown. She said he's perfect. I said she's been watching too much Mad Men.

Apparently he wants to go out with me....or, the me that she has created in the profile, which is the problem. This guys sounds too good to be true, but knowing my well-meaning stepmother, who always thinks I sell myself short, the profile she created probably makes me out to be Giselle Bundchen -- but prettier.

So, in order to find out exactly who this guy thinks he's going out with, I devised a little plan. The website she posted my profile on was chemistry.com. All these websites have a page where you can check off the desired qualities that you're looking for in a mate: height, hair color, age, etc. Then they find a group of people who conform to your specifications. If I were to basically go on, do a search for a woman and pick out every characteristic of ME, down to my zip code, I'd likely come up as a match, therefore letting me read this phantom profile. The only problem is, I needed to join, as a guy, in order to search for a girl (i.e., me). I went on and saw that they had a free two-week trial offer to join. So all I needed to do was join as a guy, fill out a profile, and then search for me. (Frankly, I think they should teach this stuff in college. It certainly would have been more useful to me than applied physics.)

But, I had a dilemma. I was really only doing this for one purpose. To find ME, but since I had to join as a man, I certainly don't need single women emailing me wanting to go out on a date. I decided to fill out a profile as a guy that NO woman would want to date: A 5'3", 200 pound, twice divorced, unemployed, high school drop out named Bud.

As of today I still haven't found my profile, but Bud has 27 emails. Yup. I'm dying alone.