Facing Facebook

Nothing says "I care" like a comment - or a poke.  

By Liza Persky


Last week my Blackberry stopped working. Like most well adjusted busy but rational professionals, I panicked.  Not only did it make me realize how absolutely dependent I am on it, but that also, I have become one of those people that now has no knowledge of ANYBODY'S phone number.  I have plans with my friend Mary next week and I don't know where we're going. I'm literally thinking of writing her a letter to find out, but I don't have her address.  I haven't written an address down since PDA meant "Public Display of Affection." 


After I got over my initial shock of my loss and therefore virtual extinction from the human-technology-race, I came to my senses and turned to Facebook. In my status update I wrote, "Liza's Blackberry is dead so please call her if it's important."  You would not believe the amount of comments I received, with everything from advice: "Call AT&T tell them it's a service issue and then get the BOLD."  To sympathy: "Honey. That sucks. I'm so sorry. What are you going to do? Let me know if I can help." I could have updated my status to "I have Ebola" and gotten less sympathy.

I guess nothing says "I care" like a Facebook comment.  It has become the modern day Hallmark card.  Being single on Facebook is interesting.  First of all, I can't help but notice how many people use the status update for one reason, and one reason only: to throw the fact that they have kids in my face!  Ok, maybe that's a little harsh, but seriously, I have "friends" who I'm pretty sure do nothing all day except make cupcakes for bake sales, put little ones to bed, and pick strange things out of their children's hair.  It's almost like kids know about Facebook status updates and deliberately do things for their parents to tell us about.  I'm pretty sure I just watched TV and ate cereal as a kid.  Thank God Facebook wasn't around then. My parents would have had nothing to update her friends about.

Then there are the relationship updates, where you can see in full view that the girl who made your life hell at your last job, and who was mean to everyone you knew, is now in a nurturing, loving relationship, complete with a little red heart.  Fabulous.  I know a girl who accepted her boyfriend's request to confirm their relationship on facebook before she even accepted it to him over dinner.  It can actually get pretty sticky if you're not careful.  My friend Alice updated her status to "I love my boyfriend for fixing my computer," only to realize an hour later that she hadn't told her ex-boyfriend, who she is friends with and who is on Facebook, that she HAD a new boyfriend. She then went in and changed her status to "I love Keith for fixing my computer. "30 seconds later Keith, the boyfriend, called.  "Why was I downgraded?"  Facebook has taken the concept of "Six degrees of separation," and given it a whole new context. Sometimes it's a GOOD thing to have separation.  Britney and K-Fed come to mind. 

I wonder when someone goes from "being in a relationship," to "being single," what happens to the friends?  Remember back in the old days, like 2005, when your relationship would break up and one of the difficult parts was splitting up your friends? It was hard enough when it was a matter of a couple of people here or there, now, you're potentially going to have to duke it out over a thousand of them. And what about the friends you keep who have friends who are still friends with your ex, and you see your friend tagged in a photo that also includes your ex, and his hot new girlfriend??  There aren't enough "hugs" or "good karma" in the world to make that hurt go away.  Yeah, somehow my single status is seeming a whole lot better right now.  I think I'll go "poke" somebody.