Telling People

Like Getting Your Period for the First Time, Only Better!
Telling people you've gotten engaged can be a very interesting experience.
By Sara Cardace

First big nonshocker of the engagement: Everyone you encounter-friends, coworkers, distant family relatives, the coffee shop guy, your dog-is going to go absolutely nuts with excitement when they find out the news. I'm pretty sure only getting engaged or having a baby elicits such a wildly exuberant response-a fact that's either life-affirming or depressing, depending on your perspective. I personally couldn't wait to share the news.

Except for the fact that my parents and my four sisters ended up hearing the news before I ever got them on the phone! But that was thanks mostly to my fiancé's adorable decision to ask for my father's approval (my hand!) before he proposed, so I really can't complain. They were all thrilled; John's a very popular guy in those parts. It also turned out that he'd e-mailed photos to some of my best friends when he was picking out the ring-a truly phenomenal idea for the risk-adverse (grooms, I'm talking to you!), but one that meant that they were less than surprised when I rang them up after the fact.

Work was a completely different story! If you've just gotten engaged, you should steel yourself for an insanely wild onslaught of bubbly excitement and questions at the hands of procrastinating coworkers. Everyone you tell pretty much tells everyone else, and before you know it you are the main attraction of every well-meaning person at the office. The less well-adjusted ones will act predictably sulky about the whole thing (as they did with me, I kid you not), but that's their problem, don't you think? I even had one particularly odd conversation with a married higher-up that went as follows:

Higher-up: So, I hear you're engaged. Congratulations.

Me: Yeah, thanks! We're really excited but for some reason now that it's happened I'm feeling like we're so young to be getting married....

Higher-up: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do-take a year off and go, like, shag a million guys to get it out of your system before you take the plunge?

Thankfully, most people preferred to focus on the ring. I figured out early on that my initial response to questions about it-"Oh, yeah, it's great, and I really love that I have one less accessory to think about when I leave the house!"-was bound to elicit concerned half-frowns. Better to just embrace the happy occasion and say what you're thinking, even if it feels like you're reading from the script of some frothy romantic comedy. In fact, everyone's overwhelming joy in seeing the ring actually made me fret that I'd been inexcusably rude to every woman I'd ever known who'd shown me hers. For the uninitiated, I now know that it's standard operating procedure to take at least five minutes oohing and ahhing over the ring, examining it from all available angles (not many, if your office has lighting like mine), and sighing five to seven times. Polishing tips and insurance admonishments are strictly optional.

And for the record...I don't actually feel like I'm too young to be getting married, but for some reason that was one of the things I felt, briefly, when I first got engaged. I blame the perpetual adolescence of life in New York City.