Ending 2: The Payoff of Not Settling

After Mariel gives Everett the boot in this ending, she says, "The funny thing is when you settle, you always wonder what could've been. When you've made the right choice, you never wonder. Ever." Mariel is then rewarded for her wise, self-preserving decision by finally getting everything she wants--albeit surprisingly and unexpectedly--from Jack the Super, I mean, Jazz Pianist, who was literally under her nose for two years.

By Sherri Rifkin

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, but here's the thing: I believe 100% that we should never settle when it comes to love and marriage but--here's the kicker--doing so doesn't mean that the right situation will immediately fall into our laps. It's not like a puppy being paper-trained; you don't automatically get a reward every time you do it "right." Praise from friends and family yes, an endless supply of treats not so much.

The reward for making the right choice has to be two-fold. To me, the most important reason to not settle is to prove to yourself that you know how to take care of, respect and love yourself by not accepting less than you deserve and even more crucially, not giving someone permission to hurt you and treat you unkindly. The other part of the equation is that by doing so, you then create the space for a better situation to arise...even if it takes weeks/months/years to appear. But that eventuality can't be your main incentive because it's not something you can control or make happen on your timeframe.

I am not trying to sound like a Negative Nancy, though I am fully aware I probably sound like one whether I'm trying to or not. But after making many wrong decisions or settling for a while and then figuring out it's better not to, I know many great women--me included--who have yet to receive their "rewards." And I have a sneaking suspicion that the payoff doesn't come wrapped in a pretty package with a bow on top. Rather, I think the payoff is a lifelong wisdom that helps us in all parts of our lives and will eventually lead us to the person who has also found such wisdom...someday.

What have you learned by not settling?