Never Too Young for Pageants

I tried to watch this show with an open mind and it just reinforced my belief that pageants are more about the mother than the children. I'm a researcher who has studied and focused on gender and the roles portrayed in our society and having little girls in pageants just reinforces the negative stereotypes of beauty and the way it is perceived only on the outside. Any child is going to enjoy what they grew up with, whether it is healthy or not, and even if they do not enjoy it they will act as though they do to keep the parents happy.

hi my name is africa. My daughter and I was watching the show one day and wanted to join.I really just wanted to knowhow can i get my baby involved in the pagenet's bcuz she really likes to dress up and talk and dance around and sing.So if anyone can help me as far has where to go and get started. Thank You and u can contact me at cocobee2@msn.com.

It bothers me, Debbie, that you state that in order to win, the child has to be a "package". You probably don't see why this would seem creepy to many. I don't think you will ever change your mind about pageants or see the point of view of 70% of American society who think these kind of glitz pageants are freaky, disturbing, extremely dangerous to a child's developing identity, etc. And, we will never see your point of view, that this experience is all about developing your child's confidence and poise and that is has nothing to do with the insecurities, shallowness and other psychological problems of many of the pageant moms who put their babies and toddlers into such events before they can verbalize what they really want.
You know, most of the pageant moms say this is about confidence and poise and making friends so why is it so darn clear to the rest of the world that kiddie glitz pageants have absolutely nothing at all to do with that? What, can't your kid make friends on the playground? Gain confidence through achieving at school or learning a musical instrument? Ever try a spelling bee?
Please. There are many other ways to spend time with your child. Try a nature walk for goodness sake, or volunteering together to help the poor or the sick. And don't try to tell us that your kid does ALL of that and also pageants. It is quite clear how much time is required to create a pageant winner. Much too much time to have any left over to truly experience much else. (And don't get me going on the Southern competitive dance or cheerleading culture. It's pretty much the same thing - far too mach makeup and six year olds moving their bodies provocatively in skimpy attire better suited for the Playboy mansion. Bizarre!)
Anyhow, I never saw you on Showbiz Moms and Dads but I have read a lot about it, including a lengthy report about how upset you were by the experience, how they destroyed you and your daughter by making you look like an evil person, how you huddled on the couch clutching your daughter, with tears in your eyes as you watched the show and lamented how you were portrayed, etc. And yet......here you are again.
That pretty much says it all about your agenda, your motivation and those things are more important than your child's well-being. You may not be able to see that but the actual fact of your actions has made that clear.
Listen, unlike any of the other mothers on this program so far, you know how damaging such an experience can be and how negatively it can impact your reputation and that of your child. The fact that with this knowledge, you not only risk it again but involve your minor child in it once more tells me that money and fame is your priority, not the happiness of your kids.
I know you won't see that. And look, I'm sure you have good qualities and love your kids. It's true, we cannot see the whole picture from an edited reality show. We cannot get to know the real you. But, you know that and yet you once again are participating. That shows me and I'm sure many others that you need to look deep inside yourself and find meaning in a different arena, perhaps with the help of a good counselor, for the sake of your child.

ok Debbie here again...
I am very upset by the negativity in the "non pageant" people. You really do not understand how the pageants really work. Yes you need to be the "package" to win. So does Miss America, Miss Universe etc.. that is just the facts. If you go not prepared , you wont win. If you are going to do ANY hobby you need to be prepared... the package. You are paying out alot of money to do these so why would you not go and be packaged.

As far as the kids go..When our kids are at pageants they are not sitting in bubbles not allowed to move. They go swimming, they do sleep overs, go to dinners etc They get to play. Yes there are others out there that are just the opposite, but not all of us are. You lump us all together as pushy moms trying to "whore out" our girls. Emily is a "normal kid" as you say. She does not compete EVERY weekend, she does not live in "pageant mode" every day of the week. Contrary to what you think "gitana1", she has a ton of friends, she has playdates, go to the park, the library, ice skating etc. She is a busy NORMAL kid! Pageants are a hobby for her and that is it. Emily is a straight A student and is loved by the kids in the school and her teacher is always complimenting on her kindness twards others and how smart she is.
I for one let Emily decide what pageants she wants to do and when. I dont force her to go. I have never forced her to go. No, at as a baby she couldnt tell me she wanted to go or not, but if she didnt want to do it she would have cried and fought me and she didnt. she loved it and still does.

As far as the bravo show goes. Yes I was upset after the filming. We were followed for 6 months non stop.. From the time we got up until we went to bed. I was tired and over it. They did alot of bad editing and I was also very stupid in thinking that not everything I said would be filmed. Yes I made mistakes in things I said, but I didnt deserve to get death threats or threats of taking my child away from me. That is what I dealt with and so yes I was upset. It was also the first pageant show in years so people were looking for a fight. If you had also noticed, we have done NO TV since then ( that was 5 years ago BTW ) because of what happened. When we were approached to do Little Miss Perfect, I was very skeptic. I did my research and checked out the WE network to see what other shows were on there and asked alot of questions. There is a huge difference in the shows on Bravo and the shows on WE. I felt that we were going to be positively protrayed and took the leap to do it. Emily has always wanted to be on TV again and has asked repeatedly to do it. Watch our episode, have an open mind and just once look past the glitz and make up and look at the child. I think you will be suprised at how normal our kids really are.

If you want to discuss pageants in a positive adult manner without trashing me or other moms please feel free to email me. I would be more than happy to show you the REAL me and what our lives are about.

Debbie

I'm sorry Tyes did i not see you on Tyra like two years ago arguing with a mother whos little girl did natural pageants... But you in fact did not deserve death threats or to have your child taken away. I don't think pageants are a problem if your child loves them and has fun at them... I am glad to hear that Emily has grown into a happy child and please dear god please let her make a fishy face at her next pageant (it wins over the judges)!

Debbie here...
to ellenrosex3... you did not see or do you know the entire situation with the Tyra show. When I was called to do it, I was told we were going to be the only ones on there. It wasnt until I got there that I found out this other mother who claimed to be a natural competitor was there. The mother attacked me first and I only defended myself. Anyone that saw that show knows this. I didnt get into a "fight" I defended myself. If you research the other family you will see that they lied about everything they said and that the daughter is a glitz kid as well and that they did the show for attention PERIOD. She bashed my child and I on pageant boards and caused alot of trouble for us. She is trouble and everyone pageant related knows this.. This is all I have to say about that show or the mother because to be frank, she isnt worth my time.

To all of you non-pageant posters..... Please try to remember that you are only seeing PART of what goes on behind the scenes. Think about how you and your child would be edited and thus portrayed if you were filmed for a week before a band competition, a spelling bee (or whatever your child does) and then every minute of filming was cut down to approx 20 minutes.

What about the part of your day where you're yelling at your child to practice their piano lessons, or chastizing them about their lack of attention to their 40 spelling words of the day???? How about your melt-down when you realize that you're sacrificing your work, your family, your friends, and yourself for something that your child SAYS they love to do.... but it seems as if YOU'RE the one putting in all the hours of work.

Can any single person truthfully admit that they have never raised their voice at their child??? rolled their eyes??? gotten frustrated??? I think we all know the answer is NO WAY!!!

Am I a glitz pageant mom? No, I'm not. I am a cheer mom, hockey, track, soccer, thespian and it certainly seems like more types of mama work on many days. I yell at my kids to practice, I roll my eyes at them when they tell me they have finished their work when I know they haven't, I get mad at myself for taking on more than I can handle. But every minute of every day my kids know that I love them.... that while they are in the middle of a season they selected they will give 100% but we won't sign up next year if they don't like it.... that they are expected to maintain their grades when they choose an activity.... and that I don't let them slack off in the middle of an activity. What's the point in starting something if you're going to quit halfway through it???

If pageants, or glitz pageants, aren't your choice or your kid's choice, fine. You are entitled to your opinion. But unless you have spent the week, or at least a pageant weekend, with any of these families -- get off your high horse and realize that they are sacrificing themselves for something their kids want to do.

Signed, very tired mom of three very busy kids. Grumbly on some days, happy on other days. Always proud of my kids and I know someday I will miss all this hub-bub!!

Debbie could you tell us a little more about the show as to who is Emilys coach, hair and makeup person and a little of the behind the scenes pageant things that we dont get to see or know? I guess I'm asking what is real and what isnt if you can tell us.

HOW DO U SIGN UP FOR LITTLE MISS PERFECT?

ok dont kill me but there were a few things I forgot to add. This whole filming / editing issue is pretty upsetting.

You all missed sooo much of Emily and her "non pageant" life.

1. She was a competitive iceskater and was filmed at one of her lessons. She did one competition and took first place in all 4 of the events she was in. Her coach actually said that the pageants had given her an edge over the other girls because she had the poise and grace already. But Emily decided that she liked pageants better and is now skating for fun only.

2. We were filmed outside while she rode her bike, played with her brother, on the trampoline etc.. we were also filmed making dinner where she helped me put it together showing that we are a REAL family and that my kids play, do chores and help make dinner.. WE must have decided it was too boring and cut it. So it looks like Emily had no life other than pageants.

3. They filmed us at my sons marching band practice, they filmed us shopping, packing, practicing, the hair cut and nails, working on her wow wear outfit that they actually made us pretend it was too small for "drama" and getting it altered. NONE of this was shown and really disappointed us. They followed us for over a week filming our entire lives and only show that little bit but yet with the other families they showed everything they did. I dont get why , but that is what they decided.

4. Yes Leslie does Emily's hair here in Florida. She is the ONLY one here that I will let do her. She has been doing it since Emily was 2 and we have a great relationship to the point I can drop Emily off and sit outside the room and trust Leslie completely. When we go out of state we use Theresa. Emily loves her and she does an AMAZING job. At the filming at the pageant, she had only done Emily one or two other times and again the whole hair cut messed her and us up. It was hard for Theresa to work on the hair with the fresh cut and the layers. She had already started it being combed straight and when we got to the layers they werent coorporating. We wanted to try and bump the curls forward but had no time and had to leave it that way.

OK that is it , I promise! LOL

Hi Karen
I am not saying that therapy is a bad thing, we just have not had a need for it. I have learned over the years alot and have become a stronger and more calm person. Back during SBM&D I admit I was a little uptight, but that filming made this one look like a walk in the park. We did that filming for over 6 months and non stop in our face the whole time. Having never done it before, I was stressed, tired and let them get to me. The personalities of the film crew was very different too. With WE if we said "no" they stopped. With Bravo, if we said "no" they would say "ok" but still film. Very hard and very stressing.

I can honestly say that Emily has never had any type of jealousy , anger etc issues. She goes into the pageants most of the time actually thinking she wont win and that the other girls are better than her. She is very hard on herself and no matter how hard we praise her or tell her she is wonderful or did a great job, she is still a perfectionist at heart. She takes her pageants serious though and will concentrate on what is going on and has even told me to leave her alone at times only becuase she wants to do her best. The flip side of that is also that she loves to go to the pageants and see her friends play and have a good time. She treats all the other girls equal and never acts like she is better than anyone else. Wether they are a "big name" or a "newbie" she treats them all like she has known them forever. She makes friends fast and everyone always tells me what a sweet and kind child she is.

So that being said, you really didnt offend me per say, just upset me a little. Its ok, I know people dont understand and that is why I am so willing to come here and explain. Make people understand what we do and why.

Anything else just ask.. and thank you for commenting back so nicely. I wish everyone could be like you.

Debbie

Debbie,
I have to admit, I was one of those people on TWOP who said terrible things about you years ago. Yes, you did come off horribly on the Bravo show, but you have redeemed yourself with this show. Can't people see that Emily naturally has a certain look with her eyes? I don't see her as glaring at anyone. She is very pretty -- with or without makeup -- and she seems like a genuinely nice kid. If you were such a horrible person, she would not turn out as good as she did. I did not get a sense of any brattiness out of her or you, unlike OTHERS who have been on this show. Emily seems like a total pro, and I guess that's what irks some of the other mothers. I have zero to do with pageants, by the way, but I do enjoy watching the shows about them.

Just an observation. Interesting how the majority (aprox. 90%) of the "Pageant Moms" (including Debbie) are unattractive, overweight and lack higher education. It seems to me that they are living vicariously through their children. I happened to stumble upon an episode of this show as I was switching channels, it was one of those things that you just can't help but watch. I was disgusted by the amount of money these moms spend on pageants as they live in matchbox homes and dress in clothes from Walmart.
They should have another reality show called little miss perfect 20 years later. You would have some interesting outcomes, i am sure.

I'm a "non-pageant person" who absolutely without question gets it. I get that all the little girls who lose are essentially being told they are "Little Miss Not Perfects."

With creepy Mr. Michael shuttling the little girls off the stage with songs of citrus rainbows and the chance that maybe one day, they too, can be "perfect," to the random weird judges cutting down a 4-year-old on her dress choice or hair color, it's all wrong.

"Thank you for participating...now go home and get prettier, sparklier and darn it...MORE Perfect. Especially those 3-year-olds! What do you think this is? The playground? Get home and work on being perfect." says Mr Michael while distracted by all the money he's making off of moms and their lost dreams of being "the pretty one."

The pageants remind me of a slot machine in Vegas: Just keep putting more and more money into the game and maybe you, er, I mean your daughter will win "big" and be told that finally she is "Little Miss Perfect" which by virtue would make you "Big Miss Perfect."

As a mom, there is nothing any "pagent mom" can tell me that would exuse that message to all those young girls.

The message that says "You're not pretty enough or perfect enough." Or, more ironically, the fact that with all the fake spray tan, $700 bedazzled dress, excessive make up, false eyelashes and fake hair that is disproportionately 3 time the size of the head you STILL weren't good enough!

You're not good enough on your own and not good enough all dressed up.

What's a little "miss not perfect" girl to do?

oops I meant to say "Maybe your parents DIDNT let you do a hobby"

Oh, one more thing. As for the title of this blog post: "Never too Young for Pageants"

Yes, you can be too young.

11710aw, You are so right.

Debbie, since you claim to be doing this in order to benefit your daughter, I have some advice for you. Children model what they see at home. How can you encourage your daughter to be beautiful and poised, when you are the absolute opposite. Be a living example to your daughter, groom yourself, take some classes on being graceful and for God's sake lose some weight. Pretty soon when your daughter reaches the teen stage she is going to be ashamed to be seen with you, because you are "Big Mrs. anything but Perfect". You are teaching her to value external beauty more than anything, in the eyes of your daughter you must be a Big Zero.

I am truly amazed by the hostility from people. There is nothing wrong with Debbie putting her children before her appearance. People who are attacking on these mother's for their weight are just hypocritical. Aren't you saying that pageants are just judging little girls by their looks? What are you doing to these mothers? If pageants are really bothering you so much, turn the channel. No one is forcing you to watch the show. Only a very juvenile person would waste their time and the time of others by making such rude and immature comments.

I agree with Leslieg0423 and to DrMom you seem more concerned with external beauty then Debbie does. You are so worried about how Debbie looks. I wonder what your own kids think of you for being so ugly on the inside and posting such hurtful comments. I read the other post you wrote to Shelby's Mom and forgot to mention anything about her constantly smoking around of her daughter ... something that is truly hurting her child.

Interesting how it's ok to judge little girls on their appearance, but it's not ok (it's hostile or cruel) to judge the mom's appearance.
My point exactly. Just as adults feel hurt when their faults are pointed out in public, children do to.
I am so glad that I proved my point. I knew I would get that exact response. Why is it ok to "seem so concerned with external beauty", when it comes to a child, but not for an adult?
The children in this show are adorable and innocent, the parents are the ones that need be careful. Some of the comments from the judges can cause lasting impressions on the girl's self esteem. Anyone with eyes on their face can see that these little girls are being used for their parent's self gratification.

dodgergirl:

I do not need to be in the pageant world to know:

* how wrong it is to parade a 5-month-old on stage to be judged. And by the way, how does one judge an infant? What possible benefit does an infant receive by having mom walking her down a stage? Oh wait, I already know the answer to that: there is no benefit other than to the "proud" mama's prize of a trophy and a win; and the pageant industry for snagging a future bankroll.

* how wrong it is to dress these girls up in so much fake embellishments (fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake hair, overly done fake make up, fake (god awful) teeth) and then be told to walk down an stage to be judged on their looks.

* pretend that it isn't anything other than which parent has the most money for costume, trainer, coaches, accessories, etc. Poor Shelby never stood a chance. And, why should one child win over another just because the parents can afford a $700 dress and the other one had to buy theirs for $50 at Wal-Mart. If you say it doesn't matter, than why would anyone spend insane money to buy insane dresses? They could all spend 50 bucks and call it a day.....Oh yeah, 'cause it does matter.

* the girls are sexualized. Putting on excessive makeup, hair styles that are way too old for them, fake eyelashes, provocative clothing, telling them to wiggle their butt and walk with their hips swinging and then airbrushed studio shots of them with the"come hither" look is sexualizing these little girls. People who see this and say it aren't perverts, but people who are aware when wrong is wrong. Perverts on the other hand wouldn't say a word about it. They just watch.

* The pageant industry is just one big money making machine that preys on the mother's desire to finally get some limelight (why else would a 5 month old be paraded down a stage) and add some excitement to her life via her daughter. The pageants make tons of money with very little financial output other than some cheap crowns, a sash and some cash.

* how wrong it is to have a "bathing suit" competition. Why, for the love of sanity, are these little girls going down a runway and judged on appearing half dressed? So stupid.

Although I find it completely tasteless, wrong and immature to attack the pageant mothers on their weight and/or looks (the way to debate a topic is about the topic not the person), I find it highly ironic that that is EXACTLY what the pageants do. Because we all know how many average looking, chubby girls with small dress, wig, and tanning budgets win those crowns!

Bottom line is these girls are being judged on their looks and how much money mom and dad spend. And that is wrong. Going home as "Little Miss Not Perfect" is the horrible message to send to a small girl.

Maybe because non-pageant parents don't have emotional, ego, and financial investment in the lifestyle, we are able to see the whole thing with a bit more clarity.

I am sorry, but I can't approve of you mothers and fathers allowing your little girls have hair, dress and sooooooooo much make up that they look like they are 25 years old just to win a Little Girl Beauty Pageant. The key words here are LITTLE GIRLS. And I really hate it when you moms and dads say on TV that you are doing this because your daughters really want it. I have seen the little girls crying, pitching fits not wanting to do this and I have seen one who didn't make it in the top 5 and she saw her mom run into a room crying because of it and this little girl told the camera she was alright with not winning, but her mom was not. Who is it here that wants to win? My main reason for being against these pageants and the moms and dads is: We have enough problems with sexual offenders in this world and you parents and pageant promoters are FEEDING these sexual offenders with these pageants. PLEASE STOP!!!! let these LITTLE GIRLS be LITTLE GIRLS. Stop trying to age them to the age of 25. And for the woman who said these pageants are just like have your child in sports. Well, I will DISAGREE with that. I don't dress my kids up to act and look an age they are not. Playing football they wear pads and helmets to protect them. Make up, fake hair, fake tanning and revealing dress doesn't protect a child. My husband and I have 3 teenagers. 2 sons and a daughter. When my daughter was growing up we were asked 100's of time to put her in modeling or pageants. We would not allow it because of all the reasons I have pointed out. If you want your daughters to be confident and be great speakers, then put them in Speech and Debate Classes. Parents wake up and smell the roses before it is tooooooo late for your daughters.

""""P.S. I really am crazy wahahaha!""""

Well, after reading all these posts you've written, that statement may not be too far of the mark.

To g8torsfan: Jon Benet's death has not been proven to have anything to do with pageants. If you are going to make a statement then please use proper facts. You can't say that because a child is in a beauty pageant there is a greater risk of a killer coming after that child. If a pedophile is after a child it doesn't matter what the child is doing. That just doesn't make complete sense to stereotype pageant kids like that. That's great that your daughter chooses not to do the makeup, tan, etc. but if she does make it in the music industry, what then? I'm afraid she will have to wear stage makeup. The posters on this blog act as though the girls are doing this 24/7. People it is a hobby - nothing more.
To the poster who said that cheerleaders aren't judged on the makeup,hair etc at a cheer competition, I hate to tell you but they are. I am a state cheer judge and it is ALL part of the judging. Remember this particular pageant was only created for the show. There are also natural pageants that don't allow any of the glitz. I'm sorry but you will never convince me that pageants are bad. I have seen too many good things come out of pageants both glitz and natural pageants.

I have really enjoyed watching this show. What is evident is how much these little girls families love and care for them!
My youngest grandaughter watched the show with me and said "I would like to do that!", and we plan to look into it. I would really appreciate information on how to get started and reputable pageants in Texas.
Just my opinion, but I see nothing wrong or destuctive in the pageant and preparations aired. Do people realize what little boys go through to get ready for little league, soccer, or football? Or how about any child in competive dance, music, karate, or choir? There is really not much difference, except these are women involved in the coaching and preparation.
Good luck, Tyes! You have a beautiful child!

I WONDER HOW TO ENTER IT