Q: DEAR AMY & JOHN: Help! My boyfriend Steve and I are fighting because of his buddy's upcoming bachelor party. His friend is wild, a notorious party animal, and I heard Steve whispering on the phone, "Yeah, there's gonna be tons of hot girls everywhere." I was furious, but I said nothing. The worst part is, it's for
five whole days in Las Vegas. We both live in New Jersey and I think Steve should offer to take me along too. I dropped a hint, and he just laughed, "Honey, it's a
bachelor party, no women allowed." I don't want him to go, so what can I do?
(submitted by JEND, summarized above)
A: JOHN: First of all, who has a bachelor party for five days?! Even hard-core sexist frat boys find it difficult to indulge in their extreme degradation of women / homoerotic escapades for more than a long weekend. And in
Las Vegas? You know how lousy Las Vegas gets when you run out of money but still have three days left 'til your flight home? Swinger Steve may end up thanking you if you can convince him to stay put in New Jersey; but you probably won't be able to. Sounds like Steve'll have to learn the hard way. And, no, you cannot go with him. Steve has "traditional" male friends who believe, deep down, that "guys-only" events are critical to their sanity and survival. Of course the ringleaders of these groups are never in good relationships themselves. I've been to my share of "guys-only" events and the only ones worth attending are of the "Group Activity Followed by a Meal" variety (GAFM). A baseball game, a round of golf, or even a
single night of casino gambling followed by a good steak dinner offers just the right dose of male bonding for most happy, secure men. No strippers, hookers, or overnight stays are necessary.
Ask him to skip it, or let him learn the hard way.
A: AMY: So Husband, that's your brilliant advice? "Ask him to skip it, or let him learn the hard way." Translation: Don't make any demands on him. Instead, continue being an unhappy wimp, let him do whatever-the-hell he wants, and eventually he'll grow bored of wild parties, hookers, and strippers and you can welcome him back. What?! Don't try that "plan" on me. Truth: The only reason men organize these "guys-only" events is because they're planning on indulging in behavior so barbaric and embarrassing, they don't want their wives or girlfriends to see. It's gross. And what's the appeal for the groom exactly? Binge drink, lose money, then squeeze in one more awkward sexual encounter (and STD!) before he ties the knot? The concept behind the traditional bachelor party is warped: PARTY LIKE IT'S THE LAST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! So what's the message? After you get married you'll never have fun again? I'm all for parties--before, during and after marriage. You need to speak up! Just say, "Steve, I'm not comfortable with the kinds of sleazy behavior that occurs at bachelor parties, so unless we find a satisfactory compromise, it's over." If he chooses the bachelor party over you, small loss. Steve and his buddies sound like a bunch of sexist idiots.
amy is smarter than john
Go Amy.
I'm with Amy...but I also get the more important sense that you don't trust your guy Steve (who is whispering about women being everywhere!!!), which in and of itself is reason to kick his a** to the curb!
I also agree with John that secure, considerate, loving men don't get a kick out of 5 days of debaucherie!
I live in Vegas, and if he doesn't have the cash to flash, you have nothing to worry about. Most of the single women out here tend to be looking for men based on what they can get out of them. Sorry single women in Las Vegas. I don't want to give you a bad rap, but I've heard this story from too many single women here. Also, most of the strippers are not into men but are into taking the men's money and laughing all the way to the bank. Men are stupid when they come to Las Vegas and usually think with their lower head instead of the upper head. So, in essence, put him on a strict budget that allows him to have $100 or less per day and it will be perfectly fine. He won't get anything with that amount, lol. Also, you need to be more secure with yourself and consider that most of the women out here, except me of course, are plastic and fake. If you ask a man, most times he'll tell you that he prefers a more natural women than an enhanced one. They know with that pea sized brain that these enhance women are shallow and only want something for nothing. Hope this helps you with your decision. Just remember STRICT BUDGET!
DUDE.. amy is NOT smarter than john... She's dumb. The girl's going to be out a man. lol
I say, if you don't trust him to behave around his barbaric friends, you don't need to be with him.
My theory is tell him you feel its a lil disrespectful a 5 DAY PARTY what the HELL!!!! However you can't make anybody do anything say it once if he values you and your feelings and the relationship he get it but please note if theres a will there is a way if your guy wants to cheat his FRIENDS DON"T AND CAN"T MAKE HIM you CAN"T prevent it either hes gonna cheat so trust him or voice your feelings and stand by your convictions if he goes theres a saying Whats Good For The Goose Is Good For The Gander start looking for a new guy keep your options open and don't be sneaky about it like him right when you know hes made his final decision to go tell him that you all are going to start seeing other people because he dosen't respect your relationship like you do and you feel you can't trust him like you should otherwise if you accept it you have no choice but to trust him untill you see proof that you shouldn't