Looking For Love In A Couple Of New Places

Suitable men are everywhere, if you just open your eyes

AMY:  Hey single ladies, stop your whining.

I'm sick of hearing, "There are no decent guys out there, anywhere--they're all married, or just left-over freaks." 

OK, maybe that's mostly true, but so what?!  There's still got to be a couple of semi-normal guys out there to sniff out, but it's gonna take a little effort.  And remember, with so many guys breaking up with their wives and girlfriends every day, there comes a fresh rotation of men to pick over. 

Confused?  Just think of the Barneys Warehouse Sale. You might go one day and find nothing but a pile of tacky crap, but do you just throw your hands up in the air and scream, "Forget this sale; forget shopping; I give up!"

Of course you don't!!  The hunt goes on. So you pick yourself up the very next day, and with a big smile and an outlook to match--you try again. 

You remind yourself that new merchandise is added daily, so there's always a possibility that a treasure is buried somewhere. The same goes for men.

Just stay focused, dig deep, and never give up! That's my shopping and romance philosophy.

Step One: STOP ASSUMING AVAILABLE MEN ARE ONLY IN BARS AND ONLINE!

I have two, unexpected great spots to meet men:

THE POST OFFICE:  Best part, the guys here will likely be from your neighborhood.  So follow these simple steps the next time you have something to mail. (Actually even if you don't really have anything to mail, just stuff a box with a pair of your own socks, and address it to yourself...nothing too heavy, it'll cost you a fortune.)  Remember, don't use those modern, self-serve machines.  The point is to stand in line, that's where the "opportunities" are.  Scan the cue (ahead of you and behind you) for cute men. Make eye contact with one you like.  Then coyly roll your eyes at him, in response to the painfully slow and incompetent service. If he's close enough, ask him the time (an oldie but a goodie). Ask if you can borrow his pen, naturally yours is "out of ink."  Smile, flirt, ask him, "How much are stamps these days?"  The conversation starters are endless.

THE DENTIST'S OFFICE:  Make an appointment for a cleaning at a high-end location, at a typically busy time, like say, Saturday morning. (You don't want to meet an unemployed weirdo with dental problems who's willing to waste hours at the dentist's office in the middle of a workday.) Then show up at least an hour early, but pretend you thought your appointment was later. Say, "I can't believe I jotted it down incorrectly; how stupid of me...I guess I'll just have to sit here and wait."  Then choose a seat next to a cute guy. Ask him to pass you a magazine.  Immediately begin bossing him around; men find that comforting and arousing.  Say, "Oh no, please don't hand me 'Parenting;' not interested, no kids; but how about you hand me that new issue of 'This Old House Magazine'--I'm determined to learn how to re-tile my bathroom" Bingo! You're in.

JOHN:  Let me see if I understand you correctly.  As a "love expert," you're instructing frustrated single women to go stand in line at the post office (with packages of their own socks addressed to themselves) and to spend Saturday mornings loitering in their dentist's office waiting room. Have I got this right?

I want to believe you're some sort of positive-thinking, spiritual guru who's teaching that even the most tedious tasks can become "opportunities" for love.  But that's not really the case here, is it. No, the truth is simply that you saw a couple of cute guys recently--one at the post office, one at the dentist--and so you thought "Hey, single women should come to these places to meet men."

You are a simple girl.

Ladies, obviously if you find yourself at the post office or the dentist's office, or on line at the DMV for that matter, you should certainly keep your eyes open and be ready to flirt with someone who strikes your fancy. It can happen and does. But do yourself a favor; ignore my wife's expert advice here and do not make special trips to any of these places.

On the other hand, how about putting down the Us Weekly and trying something worthwhile, whether cute single guys are involved or not? My advice is simple: take a class in something that you've always wanted to try. Whether it's photography, acting, guitar, woodworking, painting, pottery, screenwriting, Italian, or cooking.  Learn something new. Expand your mind. Improve yourself.  Then, if there happens to be a cute guy in the class, great, you already have a common interest. There'll be tons of stuff to talk about. And if there isn't a single decent guy in the class, who cares? You're learning something new and exciting which will, in turn, make you all the more interesting to that cute guy you eventually do meet standing in line at the post office.