Amy vs. John
- About Amy vs. John
- Amy vs. John
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Q&A Peeved By The Prenup
DEAR AMY & JOHN: I'm 34, and was dating a fantastic guy for eleven months--until the topic of prenuptial agreements came up. We were having a nice, casual chat about celebrity prenups in front of his TV when, all of a sudden he blurts out, "These days, everyone should have a prenup; I definitely want one when I get married." I was so shocked, I screamed, "What?!, I'd never sign a prenup; you clearly don't understand what marriage means." He rolled his eyes, and I stormed out. Now, we haven't spoken in six days. Truth is, he knows I'm terrible with money; I'm drowning in debt, but so what?! He's got plenty of money. And if he really loves me, why should that stuff matter? I still want to marry him, but how can I convince him to forget about the prenup?
(submitted by M.J., summarized above)
A: JOHN: Here's a
neat trick I came up with. Agree to the prenup, but suggest using one of those
fly-by-night online legal document services to draw it up. (Check Google and
pick a really unsubstantial sounding one like OfCourseItsLegal.net.) He's
determined to hold on to his money right? So explain that if you use one of
these bargain services, the two of you can have the whole prenup taken care of
in less than 48hrs--for just a couple hundred bucks! Remind him that's a savings
of several thousand dollars in so-called
"legitimate" legal fees. Then, in three years, when this online legal document
company ceases to exist, you can say "Prenup?
What prenup? I never signed a prenup?" (If all goes as planned I'll be saying
this same line to Amy in 4-6 months.)
Amy and John, you forgot to ask whether she wants a husband or a daddy, and forgot to mention that marrying someone who is drowning in debt and obviously can't take care of themselves isn't loving or romantic, it's stupid!
One of the leading causes of divorce is MONEY or the lack thereof - and if she's already drowning in debt, just think what'll happen after kids and no income come into the picture!
Sorry for the rant, but as a self respecting, self supporting woman, I think this gal's outrage is immature and somewhat gross! I wouldn't marry her with or without a pre-nup!
I understand and somewhat agree with the previous comment. I personally would never want to put a financial burden on my new husband with irresponsible spending. HOWEVER, ever couple has a penny saver and a penny spender. Its all about coming to a happy medium.
Anyways, I don't agree with pre-nups and never have. I feel that one person is planning the wedding while the other is planning the divorce. So many marriages are falling apart b/c people know they have the option of a divorce. If you leave out that option, you won't need the pre-nup afterall.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! you've only been dating for 11 months and you're worried about not talking for less than a week. Gold digger is right. If you're drowning in debt, why on earth would any man NOT want you to sign a pre-nup or marry you at all??
I've got to give the first commenter this one.
I had a previous debt problem (not drowning in it) and my fiance didn't help when we were dating and still hasn't now that we're engaged. I'm working and paying off all my debt so we can start fresh when we're married.
Sure, everyone has a right to protect their assets but if you think you need a prenup then you don't trust the person you're marrying. Why would you want to marry someone you don't trust?
If he even asked you to marry him after that blow-up, quit whining and sign the pre-nup. It's not his fault you were careless and got yourself into debt. Why should he have to take on your burden when he's been responsible and you have not? Your comments make you sound like you ARE a gold digger and he's picked up on it. Maybe he's having second thoughts and that's why you haven't talked in 6 days. Smart man! I wouldn't take on any man's debt so why should he take on mine? Again, your comments ring with the sound of gold digger and you give all women a bad rap. You need a sugar daddy not a boyfriend.
I think you all are being a little harsh not wanting to do the prenup thing is not uncommon however I think your reaction to the prenup was a little scary to him I would suggest you call him apologize and explain yourself I also think some people have the wrong idea about prenups there is a way people are having them tailored to fit their specific needs where there are not any big I's and little U's example to avoid where either party walks away with nothing having been married 20 years I dont think its fair to be mrried 1 year and take a man or woman for half also you need to explain that it is more of a trust issue NOT (I hope) a MONEY issue IF and When you get married (because I think you jumped the gun a bit which made it EVEN more scary) you work out an aggreement you BOTH would be happy with if your marriage ends also I would recommend you getting your own financial mess in order BEFORE getting married you don't want to feel like a kid in the relationship because you can't bring anything to the table it makes a man treat you with less respect and more like property take it from me I am a stay at home mom of 4 and my husband works however before I did that I made SURE I had my own financial matters together and I keep some money stashed away AND I invest and SAVE so sometimes I have more money than he does and I still participate in paying some bills it makes me feel good about myself trust me do it for yourself at least work on your debt you never know what could happen and love should not be about money meaning it should not MAKE or BREAK a relationship!!!!!
okay I am new at this so i dont know how to post my own question so I am doing it on here.
I see that the girl is in debt and doesn't want to sign a prenup which yes I think is stupid. But my question is what if you have good credit and the one asking for it is the man who is in debt and you have been helping him pay off the debt already? I am completely against a prenup and always have been and he said if i dont sign it we dont get married and i want to say okay then we won't get married.....Am I being stupid???
No one gets insurance on their car because they THINK they're going to get into an accident. People get insurance to be protected "just in case". See what I'm getting at?