Amy vs. John
- About Amy vs. John
- Amy vs. John
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Wife Seeking Boyfriend For Traditional Courtship
AMY: The other night, John splurged on dinner at a semi-decent restaurant, which seems to happen less and less now that we're "happily" married. (This is exactly why I wanted to stay engaged forever; it's the ideal arrangement.)
Like most married women, I'm fed up. Perhaps I shouldn't write this out loud, but--who cares, why not!--I really should start dating other guys again. We wives need boyfriends on the side--no, not for sex--but just to keep us feeling cherished and doted upon. I hate it when John appears content, comfortable or relaxed in this marriage; it just means he's just taking me for granted.
I want my husband to work hard at this relationship, toiling 24-hours a day, never knowing for sure if I'm going to pack up and move out any minute. Now that we live in the same apartment, and I've got a bunch of stuff stored in his parents' suburban garage, he foolishly assumes I'll stay in this marriage no matter what. (Take this as a warning John, you're wrong.)
So, back at this semi-decent restaurant, I watched lots of
couples clearly out on "dates." I know this because the women were showing
cleavage, wearing a bit too much make-up--basically auditioning. Plus, when
eavesdropping, I heard lots of stale, awkward conversation including, "So you
have four sisters...wow?"; "You grew up in the city of
You'd think seeing these tense newish couples struggle would make me feel warm and fortunate to be in a secure long-term relationship. But just the opposite happened. I miss the sweaty palms, the blushing, the stress of not knowing when he'll call. Sure, dating can be disastrous. Imagine a guy with bad breath, body odor, tiny feet or the worst--a jerk who suggests splitting the bill!
But don't forget, those first few dates can be magical too. I remember a first date who appeared at my door with a gorgeous, huge bouquet of my favorite flowers (peonies--he'd asked my sister) and then he explained, over a very fashionable, flirty dinner, that he'd purchased an iron (for the first time) an hour earlier just to iron his shirt for our first date because the dry-cleaners was closed. Sigh.
So listen single ladies, the next time you're complaining about the horrors of dating in 2008, just remember: dating really is the fun part of life, so sit back and enjoy every last second.
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Naturally, John sees himself as "the perfect doting husband" so he's really going to go nuts when he reads my entry above. Who cares? I'm entitled to my feelings. But next week, he's going to get his big chance to respond to my complaints. My prediction: the usual, John will say that I'm a spoiled brat, and his efforts are always underappreciated. Stay tuned for John's warped view next week!
I've been with my fiance for close to 5 years, we have been engaged for only a year. I tell him and anyone who asks that we are on a 5 year engagement plan, if not ten depending on what happens on that fifth year. I've never seen a successful marriage, it seems like that final plunge creates a realm of stagnant adventure.
I completely agree with keeping the relationship fresh and happening for as long as we possibly can! Although I would never have a boyfriend on the side, I think a certain plan should be kept in place to keep dating fun and still in the plans.
BTW are you going to be incorporating videos in this blog?
Marriage is supposed to me the most sacred thing in the world and I feel like an ancient dinosaur. It seems like majority of the people in this world do not have the same ideas as do. I pray that when i find the man for me, he had my values and beliefs, because otherwise we will not work.
Men seem to become too comfortable once they get that ring on your finger. I've been with my husband for 12 years, 8 of which we've been married. Before we got married, he used to plan special dates, send flowers, etc. and just all around put more effort into the relationship. He used to buy sexy garments and surprise me with it when he undressed. Let's just say all of those garments are now in a drawer collecting dust and are very much missed. Men should realize that women need visual stimulation as well and that this stimulation may even cut down on the foreplay time, lol. Oh well, maybe someday I'll get a surprise and see those garments again. Or better yet, maybe he'll surprise me with a little more effort in the bedroom area. I know I try so why can't he???
I love my fiance, and can't wait for that final step which is marriage, everyone tells me that I shouldn't do it b/c it just ruins the relationship, but I am willing to take that step and see what happens putting every opinion and suggestion that I've ever heard about marriage and why it's a don't behind me and forget about it so that I can create my OWN experience. Sorry girl your not really feeling your man any more maybe you two should do something to spice things up in your marriage??
I would honestly tell the women who wrote this article to kick rocks if i found out she was my wife. Women should just cherish and love the man they have, stop wanting to stress that man out by making him prove how much he loves you. It was good enough in the beginning, it should be good enough through the marriage and if not!!!!!!! KICK ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been living with my fiance for a year and a half now and we recently got engaged 2 months ago. I do agree that things die down but COME ON!! what have YOU done for him?? You say the women dress slutty or wear extra make up.. maybe if you did that once in a while he'd feel the urge to go do something nice for you. Men are visual.. Doesn't take much to please them. Hike up your skirt and I'm sure you'll get something out of your husband. Women who complain about their husbands being content or taking them for granted probably do the same. So, think about what you can do for him and he'll feel the need to do something sweet for you.
Amy,
You sound frustrated and like you have some needs that may not be met, but threatening to break up, have boyfriends on the side, and not wanting you husband to be "content" in the relationship sounds not only immature, but just plain hurtful.
WOW thats what I love about my relationship its so much better to have someone who loves you no matter what weather I wake up and have a REALLY bad awful ugly embarassing allergic reaction to some crap I ate I shouldn't have or when you can walk around WITHOUT the makeup and hair weave etc you know looking like a freaking barbie doll 24-7 I love my man for loving me dating is superficial where your not meeting the real person but their representative now if you want to go back to the dating part and give up the love and trust and closeness two people have whrn they share a home and family and children or the plan for that you are crazy all it takes is you dating your husband I agree with the above comment if you show him a lil attention (EXTRA) he will show you some too dress up for him put the kids to bed early and take care of yours and he WILL take care of you tell him how good he looks and don't wait for him to plan something you do it my mother always told me what you did to get your man will SURELY make him stay instead of stray if your bored he probably may feel in a rut too!!! If YOU kick it off and start bringing sexy back because lets face it men understand sexy he will want to KEEP your interest and who said you CAN"T walk out if you are not happy you have heard of DIVORCE but I wouldn't recommend threatening to walk out even if you are just dating or living together its immature
you guys need counseling- every blog or article I read you- is filled with negativity in your marriage- I have been married almost 7 yrs- Its not always a picnic but I don't call him a moron and blast his character online in every article- be thankful for the time you have and each day is a gift- if you cant remember what is about him that stole your heart- divorce and move on
Amy, your standards are impossible to meet. The only person who will show you selfless devotion 24/7 would be a stalker. It's not wrong to want to be taken out to nice dinners. To have flowers sent to you "just because" and to see him going out of his way to impress you. It's not even wrong to miss the excitment of dating. But think about this:
ANYONE can buy you gifts. ANYONE can take you to a nice dinner.
It would take a very special person, however, to read what you just wrote about them and still want to sleep in the same bed as you.
"the longer I've been married, the fewer nice gifts, dinners and compliments I get. The opposite should be true, right?
Like most married women, I'm fed up. I hate it when John appears content, comfortable or relaxed in this marriage; it just means he's just taking me for granted.
I want my husband to work hard at this relationship, toiling 24-hours a day, never knowing for sure if I'm going to pack up and move out any minute. he foolishly assumes I'll stay in this marriage no matter what. (Take this as a warning John, you're wrong.)"
Wow. I give this marriage a few years at best, unless you grow up considerably. First of all, your statement that you will not stick around, "no matter what," when your biggest complaint is you're feeling under appreciated and want to go out more often, reeks of a marriage-destroying lack of commitment.
Yes, most women feel like this in the early years of marriage and miss the dating fun and excitement, as well as the feeling of being a jewel which he is pursuing.
IMO, your interpretation of John's comfort and relaxation in the marriage is completely wrong. This is a great complement to you. It doesn't mean you are being taken for granted. It most likely means he enjoys his life with you.
When we were married about seven or eight years, my husband told me I fit him like "an old pair of slippers." At first, I was highly offended. I wanted him to say he thought of me as a siren he desired above all other things, as he seemed to when we were dating. But he went on to explain he didn't mean it disparagingly; he meant that he knew we were alike in the ways that counted, that he knew he could count on me in a pinch, and that he knew I was there for him, in his corner even when he was being or acting in less than a stellar fashion. He knew he could relax and be himself around me because I was "for" him.
Why do you want your husband to live in constant fear of losing you? Do you want him to live a life of quiet desperation? That is not even close to just not wanting to be "taken for granted." It smacks of selfishness and domination. Your statement made it sound like you want him to spend 24 hours a day catering to you. How completely unrealistic. No relationship can continue in the courtship stage forever.
I agree with one thing you said - the compliments should still flourish, and special occasions should not become more rare than several times a year. However, you can't be a princess every day. The glory lies in the compliments and the specialness of the relationship itself, not in where you go nor how expensive it is.
He does take you out - the amount of money he usually spends or the poshness of the restaurant should not be that much of an issue. You said the restaurant had some dating couples; guys who are still trying to impress their girls took them there, so it couldn't have been all that bad.
A candlelight dinner alone in front your own fireplace can be a wonderful occasion, even if it's a pizza you share. :)
I still say that the longer a man is in a relationship, the less he tends to do to spice things up a bit. I put my husband on a pedestal and do so many things for him and sometimes it would be nice if the favor is returned. Also, I saw another post that says dress up for your man. I do that but why can't he as well? Why can't he put out some effort? Amy is just a little frustrated with the hohums in life and unfortunately after a couple of years of marriage, it can tend to get ho hum and need a little jump start. It wouldn't hurt John to jumpstart things every once in a while and it wouldn't hurt Amy for that matter. Sounds like they're on totally opposite wave lengths any way so I guess they're at that why bother stage that a lot of couples just can't get passed. Try a little counseling. I did and it helped or else we could have been a statistic too! And neither of us wanted that. He truly needed me to tell him what I wanted as he said he wasn't a mind reader.