Amy vs. John
- About Amy vs. John
- Amy vs. John
- Talk
Boyfriend Wants Bondage
Should I fulfill his sexual fantasy just to keep him happy?
Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN: I'm 32 and I've been dating a sexy, funny dentist for over five months now. The other night, while we were in bed, he asked, "I'm curious, what do you think of light bondage, cause I'd love to try it with you." Shocked, I blurted out, "You're joking right? That's so creepy." He looked hurt, and since then he's been acting distant and cold towards me (seeing and calling me less.) Did I blow this relationship by being too clo
se-minded? I don't want to try anything too weird, but I miss him now.
(submitted by CCLila summarized above)
A: AMY: "Light bondage" huh? Personally, I don't understand freaks who are turned on by torture and pain. (This marriage is "light bondage" enough for me--thank you very much.) I'm surprised that you describe him as a "sexy, funny dentist" because there's no such thing. What's more annoying than a wise-cracking pervy dentist who wants to tie you up and fill a cavity. (OH MY GOD! I'm so SORRY! That was a 100% honest mistake; I never, ever make stupid dirty jokes; that's John's specialty.) No matter how much you like this guy, you shouldn't feel obligated to try bondage or anything else that makes you uncomfortable. Men have a sneaky way of trying to sweet talk (and guilt) women into partaking in their sick fetishes and fantasies. Today it's "light bondage," next month, you'll be sitting naked in a wading pool of grape jelly, and this weirdo dentist will be taking pictures to post on the Internet. I really don't like where this is headed. Get out now; you'll thank me later.
A: JOHN: I ask Amy to try on one harmless, dark wig in a costume store and suddenly I'm guilting her into partaking in my sick fetish. Whatever. Dentists are people too you know. You should be flattered that he felt comfortable enough to let you in on his little fantasy. And how do you know he didn't mean for you to tie him up? That wouldn't be such a big deal, would it? Perhaps you'll unleash your inner dominatrix. I don't really know what "light bondage" is, but if it's just tying each other to the bed with neckties once in a while, what's the harm? Just avoid wearing a blindfold the first few times and keep a phone set to "voice dial" nearby.
This is plain and smiple. If it bothers you or freaks you out DO NOT DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO. If he cannot handle no please move on because he will only keep it up or put pressure on you.
I don't know about this one. I say do what you are comfortable doing. But I have to bring up a point: why do men seek women outside their marriages to fulfill fantasies that they have? Most of the time it is because their wife refuses to try anything new. Now, I'm not saying "Bring on the nipple clamps," but maybe some frilly handcuffs tied to the bed post...what's so wrong about that? I say that everyone could use a little excitement and experimentation in the bedroom. Again, do what you are comfortable doing, and never let it go past your comfort level for someone elses sexual satisfaction.