"Never Go To Bed Angry" (Are You Kidding?!)

Who among us hasn't broken this marital "golden rule?"

By Amy Kean & John D. Schwartz

Amy:  I roll my eyes whenever I hear relationship "experts" preaching the most absurd of all rules: "NO MATTER WHAT, IF YOU WANT A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP, NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY."

What planet are these lunatics living on?! Anyone in a real relationship who claims they've never gone to bed angry is just, well, a liar. We've only been married since 2006, and I can't even count how many times I've watched John fall asleep, begin to snore, and then fantasized about what it would feel like to neatly wrap him up in his puffy comforter and toss him out our high-rise window.

And I don't even feel guilty, especially since I know John fantasizes about doing the exact same thing to me. I recognize a familiar "I'd love to kill you" look in his eye at least two to three times per week.

No big deal. After all, neither of us have ever done anything beyond fantasizing. We're far too lazy.

But, as a relationship expert-type myself, I want women to stop believing the lie, that strong couples don't ever fight. I'm sorry, but-- THEY DO!

We disagree often, about everything: money, politics, family, movies, food, where to go on vacation, where to park the car, how fast to drive--the possibilities are endless!  

And if the argument gets passionate enough, and it's past midnight--guess what?!-- John ends up sleeping on the living room couch, right where he belongs. (This is why we'll always need a comfortable, sturdy couch well over six feet in length.)

So is this just terrible? Is it a sign of our doomed marriage? Maybe. I hope not, and I honestly don't think so. Marriage is like all other serious relationships--siblings, parents, friends, business partners etc. Where there's actual feeling, there's always the possibility of occasional friction.

So I say, go ahead and go to bed angry. 

John:  I slept on the couch last night as a matter of fact. Sometimes I look forward to it. It's one of the few times I get free and total control of the television.

I have to agree with Amy here. We'd be two awfully tired bloggers if we never went to bed angry. 

When it really gets heated, I like to just get out of the apartment. Luckily there's a giant Barnes & Noble open till midnight just down the street. Last night, I picked up a great camera manual I've had my eye on. 

There's also a good multiplex within walking distance. Here's a tip though. Unless you know that the fight is going to be the actual "divorce maker," make sure the movie you storm off to see by yourself is not something she wants to see.

Like for instance, I used last night's tiff as an excuse to go see "Hancock" (disappointing, by the way). Amy would never sit through this move, so today, after we had both cooled off a bit, I revealed that I went to "Hancock" last night and that it was "terrible." In Amy's mind, sitting through "Hancock" is a form of punishment. So hearing that I suffered through this particular movie satisfied her need to punish me, and we're now a step closer to resolving our conflict.

On the other hand, if I had gone to see "Wall-E" or  "The Counterfeiters" (both movies she's voiced an interest in) I would have just made matters worse. Hearing that I was able to concentrate enough to enjoy a movie that she wants to see when such marital turmoil remained unresolved would simply re-ignite her flames of rage and we'd be back at square one.

I'm definitely starting to get the hang of this.