Amy vs. John
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She Likes Him, But He Likes Me
Love triangle leaves friendship in jeopardy
Q: Dear Amy vs. John: My co-worker, and best friend Denise has been chasing after a hot guy we both work with, for over a year. But he's clearly not interested. She's had four parties at her place and invited him personally, but he's never even shown up. She flirts with him like crazy, but he ignores her. She's used to getting tons of attention from drooling men, so she's pretty angry. I keep telling her, "Who knows about this guy; maybe he's already taken, or gay; just forget about him." But last week, he asked me if I'd like to have dinner sometime. I'm single, and he's really great looking, so I'd love to go, but Denise will definitely freak out. Should I just go and not tell her?
(Submitted by: Karen247365 summarized above)
A: John: I'm sure Amy's
going to advocate some version of "all's fair in love and war" here but I say
"just say no." Unless you think you're likely to marry the guy, find someone
else and keep poor old Denise as your best friend. If you look up "love triangle" on
Wikipedia you'll see that "...love triangles have been known to lead to murder or
suicide committed by the rejected lover." Do you really want a death on your
conscience?
A: Amy: So, if Denise
can't have him, no one else can?! What a load of crap! You're actually telling
this completely innocent--SINGLE!-- woman to discard a perfectly promising dinner
invitation, just because her desperate, man-chasing best friend/co-worker might
"freak out"? Why, because her ego is bruised?! C'mon--who cares. I'd like to
know why Denise's feelings are most important in this traditional workplace
love triangle. Don't listen to John. As usual, he's wrong, and he's not being
honest. If he were in your shoes, he wouldn't be questioning the ethics, he'd
just go for it. By the way, I've been in your exact situation, and I did the
"right thing," but now I believe I was wrong. I was far too loyal a friend. In
fact, I was just plain stupid. Live and learn.
Denise never even dated this guy, so she needs to just get over it. HE'S NOT INTERESTED--end of story. So go ahead and say, "Listen, he just asked me out, and I'm going; I hope you understand." If she's really your best friend, she will.
Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
I'm with Amy on this one; Denise will get over it and if she values your friendship she should.
i think she should take the date because obviously he is way more intrested in her than her friend. and damn its only a date, by the way if its meant to be it will be anyways. so if her friend is a tru one she should be happy at least one of them got the chance because real friends be happy for each other. and a good friendship should never end over a guy
Personally I would go with John on this one. I've been on both sides of the fence in this situation and I feel that in the end, unless you truely care about this man, its not worth taking the risk.
Never date someone of whom your freind is interested, no matter what!!!!!! It is tacky to and for me, thats crossing the line. Reverse the situation and think how you would feel.
just because miss desprate cant date him dosent mean u cant. your choice. not hers.
I think John's being a bit dramatic and Amy's lacking some smart sensitivity. Since these people are both co-workers you have to be ready to deal with the possibility of things going sour between all 3 of you. If Denise is a real friend, she'll suck it up, smile and move on. But if you don't have any special feelings for this guys besides that he's cute, you might want to take things very slow.