Amy vs. John
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Wedding Ring Cramps His Style
Q: My husband doesn't want to wear his wedding ring--should I worry?
Dear Amy vs. John: I've only been married for a little over a month, and already my husband has stopped wearing his wedding ring. He wore it during the wedding ceremony, but soon after our honeymoon, he started complaining, "I just hate wearing jewelry; it feels so weird to wear a ring all the time." I was so insulted because I'd never, ever take off my wedding or engagement rings. His main complaint is that he works as a nightclub bartender, so if female customers see he's married, they won't give him big tips anymore. Isn't that ridiculous?
(submitted by Sallie25 summarized above)
A: John: That's what you get for marrying a nightclub bartender. Seriously, many men do not like wearing wedding rings for various innocent reasons. They're not into jewelry. They use their hands for work and a ring gets in the way (mechanics, plumbers, carpenters). They simply can't stand that doomed, trapped feeling that wearing a wedding ring gives them. But I've never understood those guys. The main reason I got married was to get the ring. I've always admired cool rock n' roll types who wear big chunky rings, but I've always been too uptight to wear one myself. Getting married gave me the perfect excuse to finally get a cool ring. In fact, I might like my wedding ring more than I like my wife. It certainly gives me less trouble. If you can trust your husband, it shouldn't matter whether he wears a ring or not. Amy only wears hers once in a while these days and while it used to bother me, it doesn't anymore. I just figure if she's out having an affair, then some other poor guy is putting up with just as many insane demands as I am. Somehow that comforts me.
A: Amy: Oooh that really hurt. Don't worry, I still save my best "insane demands" for you Honey. Actually, you know what I do admire about your bartender husband? His honesty. Lots of guys in his situation would say nothing, then, just slip off their wedding rings when they get to work. You'd never even know. C'mon, consider how many jerks think nothing of sliding their rings into their pockets when they meet some bimbo on a business trip, or in a roadside motel. It's true; John was dying for me to put that damn ring on his finger. Like a stereotypical woman, he'd picked out the exact style of platinum band he wanted from Tiffany long before I'd even thought about it. When I asked him why he wanted the ring so badly, his response: "Are you kidding? I'll attract more hot babes than ever wearing this ring; women love married guys!" Nice, huh? My response, "Knock yourself out pig; any desperate tramp who's chasing a married man deserves you." We like to sweet talk each other. The truth is, your honest husband explained that he won't get as many tips if he's seen as "taken." He's probably right. So lay off. It's just a ring of metal. Who cares? I don't think it means anything except--he doesn't like wearing jewelry, and he likes getting tips.
I guess I can see what your husband is saying. But really, there are so many sleezy girls at clubs, they would flirt AND TIP whether he was wearing a ring or not. I think his excuse is ridiculous and he's just freaking out now. I've always found that nightclub/bartender types are regretful and have commitment issues. I don't really think it is about his job at all. If he loves you, he should WANT to wear the ring. It is a symbol of trust and fidelity. And, it's the very least he could to to make you feel better about his working at a bar. How selfish and inconsiderate.
Hold on too tight, and he'll run the other way. If it worries you because you think he'll cheat...probably something you need to look at more closely. The ring isn't going to change that one way or the other. Seems he feels uncomfortable wearing it, and there probably are some women that wouldn't tip as well if they saw a ring on his finger...just a fact of life. I already know my guy won't wear his ring most of the time, probably just on special occasions...partly because of work (I'd rather he keep his fingers intact) and also partly because he just doesn't wear a ring and it will be uncomfortable for him. I understand thoroughly. And I trust him either way. He still will have the ring, and I know that what it symbolizes is held in his heart anyway.
I can see both sides as to way he doesn't want to wear it at work. I'm currently a bartender and my boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged in the near future. I work in a rough area of the city and have considered not wearing my $6,000 ring to work in case someone decides to take it. Second, I also do bar back, so I'm washing dishes and constantly washing my hands. My hands are always touching glasses and getting dried out. In that case, I could see him not wanting to ruin the ring. On the other hand, pretty much all of my guests know I'm in a serious relationship and am getting engaged soon. Most of them want to see my hand every time they come in just to see if I have the ring. And a lot of them tell me that they'll marry me if he doesn't hurry up and propose! HAHA! But, seriously I still get plenty of tips even though they know I'm taken. Granted, I also get 2 marriage proposals and a dinner invitation every night! So, if he's worried about damaging the ring, that's innocent. But, he's worried about his tips...that's a bunch of bull. Guests tip because they like the service, not because of your relationship status :)
I have to say that I agree with the first comment by Lauren. I think unless having the ring on his finger would cause a serious possibility of physical harm to him (for example, he its a carpenter and there is the risk of getting the ring cut in the saw and chopped off), there is no reason a man shouldn’t want to wear his ring (unless he has ill intentions). Granted, there are some men that don’t like to wear jewelry, so if he doesn’t like wearing it all the time, then take it off while you are sitting at home, working in the yard, etc. However, out in public, he should have it on. For no other reason than it is disrespectful to you, your relationship and the commitment you made to have it off. The comment Swordsman made is right, sleazy woman with no self respect, decency, or respect for the concept of marriage, WILL hit on a man regardless of whether he is married or not....some women actually prefer it, and seek out men with rings on (sure sign of possible casual, no emotion, no strings attached sex). So his tip possibilities are equal whether he has it on or off. My problem would be with the fact that he hits on woman, and receive flirtatious and sexual advances for a living, and seems he has no problem flirting with women for tips. Whether his intentions go beyond that its hard to say, but all it takes is that one time the temptation is too great. He needs to understand he isn’t a kid working his way through college, and isn’t single guy. As a married man (and especially if you plan on having children), he should have a more respectable job, and should consider a new profession that doesn’t keep him out late and surrounded by women.