"Cougar" Boss Seeks Revenge

Can I fire one of my staffers because he dumped me?

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm a divorced, female marketing exec, 43, who's been sleeping with a younger man, 28, who works for me. The affair began last year when we hooked up after flirting like crazy for months. He'd send me x-rated text messages and we'd even "get busy" in my office after hours. Believe it or not, no one at work ever found out. It was just sex, amazing, hot sex -- no strings attached. We both agreed to keep it very casual, but I was never happier in my life. Plus, after a while, I didn't even notice our age difference. All of a sudden, he told me he wants to "cool things off for a while" which really hurt me because I thought he was having fun too. Then after I confronted him, he admitted, "Sorry, but I'm back with my ex and we're moving in together -- I hope you understand." I thought I'd be OK, but I'm not. I feel depressed, and used. Plus, I'm miserable at work now. I'd like to fire him. Any advice?  
 
(Submitted by TCC1, summarized above)
A: AMY:  Let me guess. Your favorite character on "Sex and the City" was Samantha? Listen up -- do not give him the axe! If you fire this guy -- just because he doesn't want to sleep with you anymore -- you'll need legal advice, not relationship advice. It seems to me, he'll have a pretty solid, clear-cut case of sexual harassment against you and the company. And you'll end up being an even bigger loser than you already are. (You know, I wouldn't be too surprised if this whole fling was just a sick set-up, so he could sue after the inevitable break-up. Sorry, but I'm a true cynic at heart.) I know I should try to make you feel better somehow. But honestly Mrs. Robinson, what the hell were you thinking?! Did you really believe that a deep, long-lasting love would grow out of filthy text exchanges and late-night trysts on the Xerox machine. Oh Please! If you want to hold on to your job -- and any last shred of dignity -- you'll need to toughen up and forget this mess ever happened. He doesn't want you anymore -- get it? Good.  Now get back to work.




A: JOHN:  I saw this movie. It's called "Disclosure" with Demi Moore. It's terrible -- the most absurd computer graphics and "virtual reality" scene ever.

And speaking of Demi Moore, I think she's fooled you into believing that 28-year-old men are likely to settle down with 43-year-old women. No strings attached sex?  Maybe. A serious relationship? Doubtful. That's just reality. You feel depressed because you were used. But you'll live. Don't waste your time trying to fire the guy. Try yoga, scuba lessons or a photography class (i.e., some self-improvement). Once you feel better about yourself, you'll command more respect from the next guy. (I recommend someone over 35 though; this "cougar" trend is exaggerated.)