Can a Liberal Love a Conservative?

I'm afraid to tell my Democrat boyfriend about my Republican views.

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN: I'm from a conservative, semi-rural Pennsylvania town, but I attend a super-liberal college in Connecticut, where I've been dating my amazing new boyfriend, "Tim," (a devout Democrat) since last spring. I'm crazy about him; and I'm already dreaming about marrying him after graduation. But, a couple of weeks ago, I finally brought "Tim" home to meet my parents and it was a complete disaster. First, "Tim" teased my parents for having three giant "McCain/ Palin" signs on our lawn. Then he argued non-stop about politics with my entire family over dinner. "Tim" says he was only "explaining his point of view." But now my entire family thinks he's just plain rude. Deep down, I'm a Republican too, but I've never really admitted this to "Tim." I know he'd break up with me because I hear the judgmental things he says about other conservatives. Now my family doesn't like him, and he says he has "no respect" for them. And I'm stuck in the middle. Help?!

(submitted by politicsue, summarized above)

A:Amy: Wow, your life sounds like a scene from "All In The Family." Look, it's pretty clear--from the last few weeks--that politics can certainly bring out the worst in both parties. Here's an example: I live in New York City--a place which "claims" to be the most open, free-thinking place on Earth--but I've noticed that if anyone dares to utter anything even semi-positive about a Republican, like "John McCain is a war hero," they'll be socially shunned, scorned and crucified. Most New Yorkers will react to this harmless comment with a nasty glare as if this person just announced, "I love hunting kittens and roasting babies on the barbecue." It's ridiculous! Don't get me wrong; I recognize that this intolerance comes from both sides of the political fence. (As a still-undecided independent voter myself, I observe all the nonsense.) But back to your "Tim" problem--don't worry so much about it. Political differences should never be a deal breaker. In fact, different points-of-view should make your relationship more interesting. During presidential elections, arguing about politics is just a popular pastime, like watching "The Daily Show" and "Meet the Press." Come Nov. 4th, this crazy election will be all over, and politics won't be such a hot topic at the dinner table anymore. The conversation will quickly shift to the Super Bowl, or the new group of contestants on "American Idol." It'll all blow over, so just ride it out. Trust me.

A:JOHN: So "Tim" made a bad first impression. Big deal. If "Tim" is as "amazing" as you say he is, and he makes you happy, most of your family will come around. It might take 10 or 15 years, but they'll come around.

On the other hand, if "Tim" is rude to your family and says he "has no respect" for them, then you need to put him in his place immediately. Also, please explain how you can fantasize about marrying a guy when you don't feel comfortable enough to tell him that you're really a Republican? If "Tim" is such a closed-minded "liberal" (a surprising oxymoron) that he'd dump you for being a Republican, why date him at all? Keeping your true political identity in the closet is not the answer.

Couples with opposing political views either work or they don't. (Check out the comments on this DearSugar article) It's been my experience that the ones that work are the ones in which the political debate between them is open and fierce. The trick is that they are able to cool down and return to civility within a matter of minutes or hours, rather then days or weeks.

Those who can argue politics respectfully with their significant others often enjoy the activity of debate and get a real charge out of passionate discussions. Some couples have even made a career out of it. So why not come clean and get into a heated political debate with your bohemian boyfriend. Who knows, maybe you two will turn into the next Carville and Matalin.