Five Questions for Amy

John conducts a celebrity style sit-down interview of Amy

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

We're feeling pretty adventurous this week, so we've decided to try something fresh and new. We're breaking from our usual blog format to conduct a fun little husband and wife sit-down interview. John will play the part of Barbara Walters.
JOHN: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it  be?  

AMY: One thing? I'd change lots of things. I need more discipline! In fact, every time a stick-thin, spandex-clad woman power-walks by me, obviously on her way to the gym, I hate myself. I wish I could get myself out of bed, and on to the treadmill by 6 a.m. every day. But I can't. I'm too lazy. Those who can force themselves (like Gwyneth Paltrow) are better than me, end of story. Also, I've been trying to kick a serious Diet Coke habit for about two weeks now. It's impossible! Especially since I hate drinking "healthier" drinks like water or seltzer--gross! (I've been consuming at least one full 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke per day for the last ten years.) I'm worried about all the chemicals and artificial sweeteners in it. So I'm trying to kick the habit, as they say. Oh, and I have a pretty fierce Irish temper. John calls me a "total hot head." I'm working on it. Still, two days of the month, I'm...hmm, shall we say...a bit confrontational.  

JOHN: If you could pass one new law tomorrow, what would it be?

AMY: I think smoking should be made illegal, although I'm not sure a law would even get people to stop smoking unfortunately. As a responsible "civilized" society, we must find a way to help addicted Americans to quit nicotine.

JOHN: What do you consider the greatest invention of all time?

AMY: Soap. Every time I wash my hands, or take a nice, hot bath, I can't imagine what I'd do without those luscious, foamy suds. I love all soaps, simple cheap drugstore deodorant bars, and especially the fancy little European ones found in upscale hotels. Soap is great.

JOHN: Are you a feminist?

AMY: Yes, absolutely! But, that doesn't mean I want to split the bill at a restaurant when I'm out with a guy. I'm a cheap feminist! Plus, I think savvy feminists understand that feminism doesn't give men the right to abandon all old-fashioned manners and chivalry. I'm a modern feminist, who still expects a gentleman to hold the door for me.

JOHN: What's your biggest fear?

AMY: Running out of time--it terrifies me. Fact is, we're only on this planet for a limited time. And there are tons of things I want to accomplish in my lifetime: write a best-seller, direct a hit play on Broadway, live in several European cities (including London, Paris, Dublin and Munich), spend at least a full year doing nothing but drawing and painting, trace my family tree, create and produce my own TV show, compose a great original song (on the guitar John gave me), learn to maintain a small vegetable garden, cook every single recipe in "The Martha Stewart Living--New Classics--Cookbook," organize my closet, spend more time with my family and husband, oh, and of course--get in bikini-ready shape. Whew! I need a nap.