Postcard From London

Amy and John hop the pond for John's birthday.

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

AMY:  John's a big baby about his birthday. Like most spoiled brats, he begins dropping hints about what he'd like months before the big day arrives. Unfortunately for me, his wish list usually includes foolishly expensive gadgets, like dumb little attachments for his computer or zoom lenses for one of his dozens of cameras. Recession or not, John expects to be surprised with something good on his big day. Why couldn't I have a mature, "normal," husband who's happy with a new pair of socks or a home-cooked meal. Nope, John has a rule for himself; he never works on his "special day" and he demands that his birthday wishes come true. I know I'm complaining but-secretly-I think it's kind of cute. Few men are so in touch with their inner-child.

This year, John had been hinting, "Isn't London perfect in the fall?" and "I wonder how expensive flights to London are these days?" I can take a hint, so I decided to toss financial caution to the wind, and book us a flight. Forget the gadgets, instead I splurged on a romantic British getaway. (We only live once right?!) In fact, I'm writing this entry from our very own adorable little London flat which I've rented for the week. I highly recommend this lodging option. It's much better than a traditional hotel because: A) it's often cheaper; and B) it allows the traveler to become more immersed in the culture, living amongst the "natives," buying local specialties from neighborhood food shops and preparing them in your very own little kitchen. I'm always stunned by American tourists who travel to foreign countries, then stay in charmless chain hotels (with mostly other Americans) eat at  Planet Hollywood, McDonalds or T.G.I. Fridays, and see "theater" like "Dirty Dancing." (Why on earth was this crappy movie turned in to a West End show?  Sorry.  I'm a snob.)

Anyway, we're here. It's very cold and rainy, but my Birthday Boy seems pretty happy. Years ago, he did a University exchange program in England, and he's been a serious Anglophile ever since. He loves everything English: the architecture, the accents, the tea and crumpets, the wide variety of mustards, the beans on toast, the superior Underground transportation, the tiny fuel-efficient cars, and most of all-the pubs. No, John's not an alcoholic, not at all. He just loves the British pub culture, the idea of wasting hours in a warm friendly pub, nibbling on shepherd's pie, and debating pretentious topics like poetry and philosophy. It's simple. John feels smarter when he's in England.
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JOHN:  What? I'm not the spoiled brat. It's Amy who's obsessed with her birthday, not me. Before we got married, I always worked on my birthday, like every other normal adult man. But since I've been expected to celebrate "Amy's Birthday Week" the last several years (yup, that's her annual tradition) I've decided to expect the same for myself. Why not? Plus, my birthday is the perfect excuse to take a fun, inexpensive trip because late October is considered the "off-season" for most travel destinations.

Amy's right about one thing:  I am an Anglophile and I am obsessed with British pub culture. What's better then settling down at a cozy table near the fire, with a pint of ale and a plate of sausages and mashed potatoes ("bangers and mash") on a blustery night?

As a matter of fact, last night, we experienced one of my absolute favorite English social traditions: the pub quiz. If you're not familiar, a pub quiz is a trivia contest that takes place in a pub or bar. For a small entrance fee (about $5), you're given a pen and an answer sheet. Over the course of an hour or so, an MC (ours was a charming transvestite) reads out various trivia questions and you jot down your answers. When time is up, everyone hands in the sheets, the answers are read aloud and a winner is announced. It's simple, old-fashioned fun! Unfortunately, Amy and I didn't win- too many obscure references to 70's British chat show hosts. But it was still the highlight of our trip so far.

In case you're curious, here are a few of the tough questions we got wrong last night:

• Who is the ghost in Macbeth?
• What is the next "perfect number" after 6?
• What is the first prime number after 200?
• How many faces are on a pentakis dodecahedron

Answers: Banquo, 28, 211, 60