Why'd She Invite My Ex?!

I can't face my ex and his new girlfriend at my best friend's wedding

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm really upset with my best friend "J" whom I've known since I was ten. We've always stayed really close, and after college, she became good friends with my group of college friends. In fact, "J" started dating a male college friend of mine whom I set her up with. (Let's call him "B.") Now--surprise!--"J&B" are madly in love and are getting married in a couple of months.  And I'm one of the bridesmaids. My problem? Three months ago, my long-term boyfriend ("C") and I had a bad (nasty!) break-up. And now I find out that "J&B" invited him to this wedding...but never mentioned it to me. Awkward, huh? (Plus, they're all only friends because of me!) To make me feel even worse, I just heard that, not only is "C" attending, but he'll be bringing his new girlfriend. What am I supposed to do? On one hand, I can't believe my "friends" had the nerve to invite "C," but on the other hand, I feel like it's their wedding and they should be able to invite whomever they want, right? I'm very angry; should I just not go to the wedding?

(Submitted by bitterbmaid,  summarized above)

A: JOHN:  Once again, I feel like I've seen this movie. If I remember correctly, you're supposed to rent a handsome male escort to "play" your date, only to discover that the two of you have explosive chemistry and are meant to be together. If that's not a movie, it should be. (WEtv, are you jotting this down?) Anyway, short of renting a gigolo, you should definitely go to the wedding with the most impressive, charming date you can find. Aren't you friends with any really good-looking gay guys? You know, someone who's in perfect shape, has a great fitting modern suit, and is happy to play the part of your new lover just for the acting challenge? Another option is to sniff out if there are going to be any A-list single guys at the wedding. In this scenario, you'll go to the dreaded wedding--nervous and depressed about facing your ex--only to find out that the guy sitting next to you at the "singles table" is actually the man of your dreams! Hey, you never know.

Bottom line:  just go to the wedding. Maybe "J&B" shouldn't have invited "C", but they did, and now he's going. Be the bigger person. Go to the wedding with your head held high and be the life of the party. That's the best revenge.

A: Amy:  Believe it or not, I actually agree with my husband, but for very different reasons. I say go, only because--if you don't--you'll be sitting at home that night like a complete loser, imagining everything that's going on at this stupid wedding. You'll be thinking that you're missing out on so much more fun than you really are.

You'll be picturing "C" holding hands with his new girlfriend, spinning her around the dance floor, and feeding her cute little bites of wedding cake. (Your imagination is always your worst enemy in a situation like this. It'll drive you nuts!) I'm sure you envision his new girlfriend as a hundred times prettier, smarter and thinner than she really is. Trust me. Go and see for yourself! Watch the nervous look on your ex's face as you approach the two of them to offer a dignified, "Hello." Check out her tacky cheap dress, and bad haircut. Listen to the nervous, dumb sound of her voice when someone asks her, "So what do you do?" Notice your ex--out of the corner of your eye--checking you out from across the room. Smile at him. Toy with him. Maybe even throw in a wink, just for fun. Then approach a great-looking single guy and introduce yourself.  Chat, flirt, dance...enjoy yourself, even if you have zero interest in this random male guest. My favorite part: as you're leaving, overhear your ex and his new girlfriend bickering about him "noticing you too much." Ruin their night--not yours. Hmmm, do I sound petty and vengeful? Oh well.