Alone On Christmas?

Should I allow my ex to take my kids away?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm a divorced mother, 37, of two boys (7and 9). I have primary custody, but my ex gets them for one weekend per month, and one school vacation per year. Despite our very nasty break-up, we try to get along for the sake of the kids. Overall, our situation has been OK, since we still live in neighboring towns in New Jersey. Usually my ex just comes over for Christmas dinner, which always makes the kids very happy. But last week, my ex called me to ask me if he could take the boys away for Christmas on a fancy ski trip to Aspen, Colo.--with his new girlfriend! (She's the one who's got a friend who offered them use of the Aspen condo time-share.) At first, I was furious because I've never been away from my boys on Christmas and my ex has only been dating this 26-year-old woman for four months. But my kids really, really want to go. And I could never, ever afford an expensive ski trip like that. It'll be very depressing for me, but should I just let them go on the trip anyway?

(submitted by Viv78    summarized above)

JOHN: I've got the perfect solution: You, Viv78, are going skiing in Colorado! It doesn't matter if you can't ski, if you hate the cold, or even if you can't afford it. (This is precisely what credit cards are for!) It's what must be done. First, be the bigger, magnanimous parent and tell your ex, "Yes, I think it would be great for the kids." Then, go online and rent yourself a cozy little room in a nearby lodge. Once everything's all set--i.e. once it's too late to cancel--break the news to your ex-husband: "Guess what? It turns out I'm going to be in Aspen that week myself. So, I'd like to coordinate a way in which we can each spend time with the boys over the holiday." Maybe he'll take Christmas Eve, and you'll take Christmas morning? With this plan, you'll both get to see your kids on Christmas and you'll take what is probably a much-needed "mommy-time" vacation. But don't forget to take advantage of this forced vacation. Take ski lessons, go shopping, get a massage, go out at night. Who knows, you might even fall in love with a handsome ski instructor or a rich foreign royal.

AMY: Talk about a recipe for disaster! You're telling this frustrated single mother--who clearly states that she could, "never, ever afford an expensive ski trip"--to, on a whim, purchase a plane ticket, and rent a "cozy little room" in Aspen (playground to the glitziest of celebrities!) during a recession/depression?! Why? Just because she doesn't want to disappoint her kids? If she takes your dumb advice, this is how it would surely play out. She'll go, and charge the hotel room she can't afford...and then she'll spend most of her holiday completely miserable, alone in that "cozy" room watching cable--on Christmas! You certainly can't guarantee she'll meet a "handsome ski instructor or a rich foreign royal." And remember, her ex doesn't even want her there. (If he did, he would've invited her.) He's going on a luxurious ski vacation with his sexy new, 26-year-old babe. Why the heck would he want his 37-year-old ex-wife lurking from behind the trees as they stroll down the quaint Aspen streets in his 'n' hers fur coats? Or maybe she should press her face up against the restaurant window as they're enjoying cheese fondue--with her two kids? No, no, no! Forget my husband's terrible advice. It's simple: say NO! Let your ex play with this stupid ski bunny, and you stay home with the boys in picture-perfect New Jersey. Kids don't need fancy trips on Christmas; they need their mother.