Big Plans for 2009

"Amy vs. John" focus on the year ahead.

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

AMY:  Right now, I'm so completely wiped-out from the usual holiday chaos (travel, shopping, wrapping, eating, arguing, making returns, shopping some more) that I can barely muster up my resolutions for 2009. But--resolutions are still necessary--so here's my list of personal goals for the coming year.

1) MAKE MORE ART:  I honestly believe that most people are angry, frustrated, and unsatisfied because they don't have enough creativity in their daily lives. A life without some kind of art is very unhealthy--emotionally, mentally and spiritually. All my life, drawing and painting have been my passions. But lately, I've been so busy with other things--work, home, marriage, family--that I've put the artistic side of my life on hold. In 2009, I intend to tap back into my creative side. I don't care if I sound self-indulgent and pompous. I'm making more art in 2009--no excuses, no explanations.  

2) SAY "NO" MORE:  OK, I'm already pretty good at this one. (I've been working on it for years.) However, there are times in my life when I want to say, "No," but I end up saying, "OK--sure." Like when some annoying hippie with a clipboard asks me, "Do you have a moment for Greenpeace?" Or when John suggests, at 1:30 a.m., "Let's order a sausage pizza." I know it's a bad idea, but I give in to him because he's craving it, and I'm trying to make him happy. No more! 2009 will be my big year of "No."  

3) STOP READING JUNK!:  Nearly every morning, after I read the online versions of respectable newspapers and blogs, I sneak a peek at the following: People.com, Usmagazine.com, Starmagazine.com and OK!.com. It's a criminal waste of my limited time on earth--no question. Who cares if Angelina's pregnant for the tenth time? Or which D-list celebrity's just been kicked off "Dancing With The Stars"? It's so stupid; and I'm so stupid for reading the stuff. I try to justify my habit. "I only read it online; I don't buy the actual magazines." But time is very precious, so no more junk "reading" for me.

4) PUT MY MARRIAGE FIRST:  It's so easy --especially for me--to get completely consumed by my own goals, feelings, and opinions about everything. I have a tendency to assume, "If I'm happy, then John will be happy too." Unfortunately, that might be wishful (and selfish) thinking on my part. If I want my marriage to be amazing, I must realize that John's feelings matter too. (I had trouble even typing that, by the way.)    

JOHN:   My resolutions are simple:

1) THE "JOHN 90X":  Achieve the impressive fitness results of the people in the P90X infomercial without actually purchasing the P90X exercise DVD's. I'm too cheap to buy them. I already pay for a gym that I never go to, and I'd feel shame ordering exercise videos from a late night infomercial. At the same time, that P90X system really looks like it would work. So I'm going to devise my own P90X-style regimen--the "John90X" and I'm going to finally get ripped, once and for all.

2) PROFIT FROM THE CRAZY STOCK MARKET:  I realize I might sound like a financial dummy here, but it seems like the insane volatility in the stock market these days could make for some exciting gambling action. If I limit myself to $1000 initial investment, what could possibly go wrong? I'm buying some General Motors stock tomorrow!

3) BECOME A ROCK STAR:  As Amy will tell you, I've been playing the same five or six half-songs (I don't really know any full songs from start to finish) on my various guitars for the past ten years. So what if I just took a proper guitar lesson? What if I got together with some friends and had an actual jam session? It only takes one catchy song to make millions in this game they call the music business. Why not me?  

4) IMPROVE MY MARRIAGE:  I'm going to try my hardest to make Amy happier this year. I'm going to write my half of the blog earlier. I'm going to clean up after myself in the kitchen. I'm going to avoid her completely before 10:30 a.m. (Let's just say she's not a "morning person.") And with all of my newly acquired stock market and rock star money, I'm going to shower her with trips, furs and jewels.