Sperm for Sale

I don't want my fiancé "donating."

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  My fiancé, "Brian," 31, got laid off from his marketing manager job in November. Since then he's been in a panic, searching for full-time jobs non-stop, including ones that are completely beneath him (like data entry and telemarketing). He's had zero luck because everyone says they're "reducing their current staff." So now, Brian's working two part-time jobs (The Gap and bartending) just to pay his rent and credit card bills. The other night, he told me he had something to confess. "I've been donating my sperm to make ends meet" he said. I laughed, assuming it was a sick joke. He continued, "No, no...I'm serious; I've been donating--anonymously--since December, two to three times a week--$85 per donation; I need the extra cash." I am so disgusted! I won't marry a guy who could have dozens--or even hundreds!--of kids walking around. It's gross! He knows I'm upset, but he just keeps saying, "I won't stop; plus, I think I'm doing something good." Shouldn't he stop if I want him to?!

(submitted by Ferrylin   summarized above)


AMY:  Wow! I realize times are tough, but couldn't "Brian" sell something else--like a used mountain bike or an old double-breasted suit on Ebay? Listen, there's no question, he SHOULD STOP it, cold turkey--especially if he wants to marry you. Because this part-time "donation" gig certainly affects your life; and I really don't understand why "Brian" doesn't see that. Frankly, He has no right to sell his seed without asking your permission first. (What would he say if you were selling your eggs for "extra cash"?) As his fiancée, I'm sure you assumed you'd be the only mother of his children; but now, it looks like you'll just be added to a long list. Of course, in theory, there's absolutely nothing immoral or "gross" about sperm donation. Through the miracle of modern science, the procedure enables lots of fertility-challenged couples, and single women to experience the sacred gift of life. It's actually pretty amazing! But men, like Brian, who are in committed relationships should consider the long-term consequences, even if it's "anonymous" donation. You have every right to put your foot down.


JOHN:  GEEZ! The guy goes from "marketing manager" (boring!) to finally getting paid to do something he truly loves; and you two women have to thwart him. Typical! Seriously though, what's the harm here? What are you so afraid of exactly? As Amy points out, it's a noble service to provide, for those who need it. And remember, his donations are anonymous. Are you worried that some day, twenty-five years from now, he'll receive an email inviting him to be the guest of honor at the first annual meeting of the 168-member "Children of Donor 5348162 Society"? --now known as the "Children of Brian Society"? That would be so cool! People donate blood and don't worry about who's walking around with their blood, so why not their DNA? OK, I realize it's weird--maybe even disturbing--to imagine dozens or even hundreds of his biological children walking around the planet. But look on the bright side, the amount of screening and testing that's been done on your fiancé's genetic material guarantees that he can provide you with an excellent chance at a healthy child.