Accent Overhaul

How can I fix my guy's Brooklyn accent?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz


Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  Am I a horrible snob? The guy I'm dating is almost perfect: totally hot, nice to his mother, has a decent job and he treats me like pure gold. The only problem is the way he speaks. He was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, and he has a very thick "New York" accent. (Think John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever.") On top of that, he can seem sort of crass and abrasive to people whom haven't gotten a chance to know him. He swears a lot too. It doesn't bother me, because I know how sweet he is underneath, but when I introduced him to my two preppy Connecticut sisters, they got a very bad impression. I've always been super-close to my sisters, but now I'm not speaking to them because of the rude things they said about Mike. At the same time, it would certainly make things easier for me if he made a better first impression. So, would it be rude and insulting if I asked Mike to try and work on his presentation, maybe seeing a speech coach and/or taking an etiquette class? What if I gave him speech therapy for his birthday present?

(submitted by Loominis   summarized above)

A: JOHN:  Let me ask you this: If Mike's brothers complained to him that you seem like a stuck up b*#!h, because of the way you speak, and he asked you to try and speak more "Brooklyn," would you? You're walking on thin ice here. If you're truly as excited about Mike as you seem to be, just let the relationship grow naturally and have a good time without trying to change him. Find some well-mannered, "proper-speaking" friends who won't judge Mike so quickly and spend time with them. Perhaps their superlative etiquette and precise diction will start to rub off on Ol' Mikey Bag-a-donuts. In the meantime, you could try some subtle hints like renting "My Fair Lady" or watching a "The Girls of Hedsor Hall" marathon with him. But unless you can find a way to make Mike believe that he came up with the idea for a speech coach or etiquette class on his own, my answer is yes, you would be rude and insulting. Don't do it.

AMY:  Speech therapy as a birthday present?! Bad idea. Giving people makeover type gifts is always a very thinly-veiled insult. For example, giving someone breast implants= I'm turned off by your flat chest; waxing= you're a hairy ape; gift certificate for a cut and color= your hair looks like a wig from 1985; year's worth of free psychotherapy= I think you're a nutcase; dance lessons= your "dancing" embarrassed me at my brother's wedding last summer; gym membership= you're a fat slob. Get it? And what's so bad about a Brooklyn accent anyway? Lots of famous actors studied for years with the best dialect coaches to perfect it. I like the fact that you stood up to your snobby sisters; you did the right thing. And I realize that it's probably difficult to bring Mike into your preppy Connecticut world. But who really cares? Variety is the spice of life! If you like him, and he's a good person, you should hold on to him. If Mike's worse crime is that he sounds like Tony Danza, than you're a very lucky woman indeed.