I Snooped, Now What?

Do I confront him about his secret photos?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN: I just spent the night at my boyfriend's apartment. The next morning, he went off to work and said, "Eat whatever's in the fridge for breakfast, and just lock the door when you leave." So I took a shower, ate some cereal, and watched a couple of soap operas. Then I have to confess, I started to snoop a bit. (I really like this guy, and I'm super-curious about him.) I looked through his medicine cabinet, file cabinets, his desk, his closets...I just couldn't stop myself. I found nothing--until--I looked in the bottom drawer of his bedside table. I found FOUR framed photos of some very pretty, skinny brunette with big breasts. In one of the pictures, Eddie was with her on a boat arm-in-arm; they looked like they were on a diving trip or something. Even worse, the picture looked like it was taken really recently. I got so mad, I felt like smashing everything in his apartment. We're both 23, and he told me he's "never, ever had a serious girlfriend." So who is this person? And why did he hide four framed pictures from me? I haven't said anything yet, so how do I confront him about the pictures--without admitting to snooping?

(submitted by FillaB, summarized above)

A: JOHN: Women are natural born snoops and being alone in a new boyfriend's home is a tremendous temptation, even for the most respectful woman. Nonetheless, snooping is wrong and simply being female is no excuse! You should really be ashamed of yourself! That being said, now that you have snooped, you're not going to be able to trust him until you find out exactly who the chick in the pictures is. Could it possibly be his sister? Or a chesty cousin?

Just come clean and confront him. Be direct: "The other day, when you left me alone in your apartment, I snooped and found framed pictures of you and some woman. Who is she?" Sure he might dump you for snooping, but hopefully he'll appreciate your honesty and feel inspired to be equally upfront about this mystery girl.

AMY: Who cares if "snooping is wrong"? It's necessary! And any woman left alone in a new boyfriend's apartment who doesn't snoop is a dope. I'll go a step further: I think any woman who "claims" that she's never snooped in a boyfriend's place is a LIAR, plain and simple. I've certainly done my share of snooping. It's an important part of the dating process: the investigation. Very early in our relationship, John lived in Chicago and I went to visit him. I couldn't wait for him to go out and pick up his dry-cleaning, so that I could ransack his place. (Lucky for him, it was a very dull search.) Don't listen to my husband; what you did is perfectly normal and natural. And now you know about this busty brunette--THANK GOD! Your detail that the photos were framed is important because usually only cherished pictures are framed. Plus, the fact that they were hidden in a bedside table drawer makes me assume that these photos were placed by the bed--before you were in it. Not a good sign. Don't drive yourself nuts; just call him right now and say, "OK, I found the pictures--who is she? " You deserve the truth.