Racy Role-Playing

Should I give in to my boyfriend?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  After three years, my sex life with my boyfriend has gotten routine. I'm OK with it because sex isn't all that important to me, and--after a few years--I expect things to get a little dull. But he's really upset. (We used to get pretty wild.) He's constantly complaining that I don't care anymore and that I "make no effort to turn him on." His solution: sexual role-playing. He begs me to dress up in a business suit and heels (I usually wear jeans and sneakers); and wear a long dark curly wig (I have short blond straight hair); and pretend I'm visiting from Spain (because I can speak a little Spanish). Also, he wants me to go to a bar and flirt with lots of strangers while he watches from a distance. Next, he wants me to pretend we've never met before and then seduce him while speaking only in Spanish--even though he can't understand a single word of Spanish. I'm thinking about doing it, but I can't help feeling like he wants me to be another woman entirely. And I'm afraid that if I fulfill his strange fantasy, he's just going to start wanting weirder and weirder stuff. Should I do it...just because he really wants me to?  

(submitted by Rochner    summarized above)


A: JOHN:  Once again, another woman is pulling the sexual "bait and switch!" You freely admit that you "used to get pretty wild," but now, suddenly, "sex isn't all that important" to you? That's just plain fraud! Why is it that women so often indulge their men with a hot and heavy sex life early in the relationship, but once they've lured him into a stable, long-term commitment, they act like they don't remember what sex is.

Both parties in a relationship must prioritize sex or else someone is going to be left disgruntled. Therefore, why not give the role-playing a try? What's the worst that can happen? If it gets too weird, just stop. He'll appreciate that you tried, no matter what. And as for worrying that he wants you "to be another person entirely," well isn't that the whole point? Instead of taking offense, assuming that he's somehow bored of the regular you, why not appreciate that he's not looking elsewhere for his kicks. He still loves you. He's just trying to spice things up. Don't be jealous of your own wig like Gloria Stivic from "All In The Family."


AMY:  Much as I hate to say it, my husband's right. Satisfy your boyfriend's silly little foreign stranger fantasy for one night. Why not? Maybe you'll surprise yourself, and have a little fun. (At least you'll get to practice your Spanish.) I'm not going to lie and pretend that I'm an expert in sexual role-playing. (I'm far too lazy and inhibited--just ask John.) But I honestly don't think that anything your boyfriend is requesting is all that weird. Take the wig thing for example. Every single time we walk by a shop that has a wig in the window--even the ugly joke styles that are only meant for Halloween--John will say, "Hey Amy, look at that crazy wig--c'mon please try it on." It doesn't bother me anymore. John's just a big wig weirdo. I'm just happy to hear that your boyfriend cares enough about your sex life to make specific suggestions. Don't make the stupid mistake of thinking that sex isn't important just because you've been together for a while. No romantic relationship can survive without a healthy, happy sex life.