Tell Her Everything?

Why can't I keep a secret from my wife?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

JOHN:  Do I really have to tell Amy everything? 

She certainly seems to think that she's entitled to know anything and everything--no matter what. She maintains that if I hear something, she has every right to know all about it too. But I'm not so sure. 

Here's the trouble, if a friend or co-worker tells me a very personal secret, I find it nearly impossible to keep it to myself. I try--I really do!--but I usually end up blabbing to Amy during a weak moment. Problem is, I don't know what's worse: revealing someone else's deep dark secrets, or keeping things from my wife. When someone confesses to me, don't they just assume that it'll eventually get back to Amy? I wonder.


Here's an example: a married male friend with four kids, recently confessed to me that he still "fantasizes non-stop" about his "sexpot" college girlfriend. He said, "No one--not even the mother of my kids--has ever turned me on like that." He even admitted that he's located this ex on Facebook. Because she's still single, he intends to contact her and "see what happens." It's pretty serious stuff. And--of course--I had to go and betray his trust by telling Amy all about it. I wasn't going to, but it just sort of slipped out when Amy and I were discussing infidelity one night.

But my extreme transparency has come back to haunt me. When we bumped into this same friend, his poor wife and four kids at a restaurant last month, Amy was sweet to the wife and kids, but blatantly refused to shake the guy's hand. I'm sure he could tell that I'd told her something. 

More recently, when I told Amy--confidentially--about another friend's Internet porn problem Amy promised that she wouldn't judge him for it. But yesterday, when this guy's name came up again, Amy barked at me, "Him? That sick pervert? He needs psychological help!"

Am I telling my wife too much?


AMY:  Too much? No.

Ask any wife. One of the few perks of getting married is that you finally get to hear all the dirt on everyone your husband knows. It can be very entertaining.

But when it comes to our situation, don't blame me. You're just a big blabbermouth--plain and simple. (Notice I never tell you any of my secrets.) And it's not like I force you to spill the beans either. You said it yourself: "if a friend or co-worker tells me a very personal secret, I find it nearly impossible to keep it to myself."

You're just feeling guilty about your blabbing now, so you want to blame it all on me.

But I won't deny that I do feel that nothing should be off-limits when it comes to me. Is that wicked? Immoral? Unusual? I don't care.

I just believe that there should be no secrets between a husband and wife--even other people's secrets. And when you say, "I really shouldn't be telling you this, but..." I do always feel a little bit closer to you.