Together Too Much!

I'm sick of him showering with me

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm having an awkward privacy problem with my boyfriend. A few months ago, while I was staying over at his place, it started. One morning, I asked if I could shower before we went to brunch. He said, "Of course, but why don't I join you?" The first time we showered together, it was great. We washed each other's hair, kissed, fooled around a bit--just had a very romantic time. The next time, he was staying over at my apartment, and I slipped into the shower while he was still asleep. Then when I was all rinsed off, he suddenly pulled over the curtain and stepped in. I explained, "Sorry Babe, you're too late; I'm finished." He looked so rejected, I just decided to stay in and take another shower (for like an hour!). Now, every single time I get into the shower, there he is lathering up right next to me. It's driving me crazy! We spend every weekend together, and even when I take a bath, he gets in with me. He's really sweet and sensitive. So how do I tell him that I need some space. Any suggestions?

(submitted by Col1983    summarized above)



AMY:  Ha! This weirdo should work at a car wash; the suds really seem to turn him on. On the bright side, at least he's clean, right? Problem is, most men have these corny, cliché ideas about what'll drive ladies wild: long barefoot walks on the beach, smelly floral candles, feeding each other strawberries and grapes, and yes--bathing and/or showering together. (I think guys see this stuff on soap operas, or when they flip by "sexy" Lifetime movies.) They don't realize that all those things might be OK--even fun--once or twice. But everything becomes annoying when it turns into a habit. And it's impossible to get clean when you're trying to hold in your stomach and make sure he doesn't notice that gross little pimple on your back. Privacy is so important! So you need to just spit it out: "C'mon--give me some space. Sometimes I just want to clean myself in the shower." I know he'll be able to handle it. Or how about you just LOCK the damn door? Try that.


JOHN:  Not only does Amy lock the door, but if I even so much as knock on the bathroom door (like to tell her that her mother's on the phone), she starts screaming through the steam: "I TOLD YOU, I'M IN THE SHOWER AND I'M NOT TO BE DISTURBED!" I think you're overestimating your boyfriend's fragility. Tell him point blank that sometimes you just want to take a shower--alone! I'm a firm believer that the more frank you are with a person in a relationship, the happier you'll both be. As long as this guy's not some environmentally conscious zealot who thinks lovers should save water (uggh! The worst!), I doubt he'll get too upset. Privacy in the bathroom is something most people appreciate. I think he's probably just caught up in the excitement of the new relationship and he wants to spend every minute possible with you. (Isn't that what women want?) If you tell him the truth tomorrow, you can nip this problem in the bud and keep him from installing a "love toilet" which would make things a thousand times creepier.