Five Reasons You're Single

Keep reading, if you want to know.

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

AMY:  Last night, while I was waiting in a very long line for the ladies' room at a concert, I overheard two extremely attractive, twenty-something women complaining about "still being single." "I have no idea why that jerk never called me again, because after we hooked up, I assumed he was totally into me" one griped. The other sighed, then muttered, "Yeah, I've totally given up on finding a serious, normal boyfriend; guys are so f$#*@*& lame, right?"

Now, of course I do remember that dating can be very frustrating, to say the least. But don't give up because--as always--I'm here to help. Difficult as it may be to hear, most people who aren't happy being single--are actually sabotaging their potential relationships without even realizing it. Before you argue with me, ask yourself if you've ever been guilty of the following BIG MISTAKES:



1)    PRETENDING YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS: These days, women are terrified of appearing desperate, old-fashioned and clingy. So instead, they act like they're just out for a good time, nothing serious. In other words, women are trying to act like typical men. Trouble is, deep-down most women are still looking for serious boyfriends, and yes--even husbands. There's no shame in that. So stop sending mixed messages and be clear about what you want. If your goal is to eventually get married and have three kids, don't be afraid to let him know it early. If you get drunk and have sex with a guy on date one, he's not going to consider you serious marriage material. He's going to classify you as a fling, nothing more.


2)    ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE "BETTER":  Now I'm certainly not suggesting that anyone should settle for someone he or she can't stand. But I am saying that far too many singles are forever searching for supreme perfection--even though they're not exactly perfect themselves. FACT: None of us are perfect. We're all a very complicated mixture of good and downright horrible, unattractive qualities. So the real question is: Do his good qualities outweigh the bad? Do you have fun when you're together? Is the sex good? If the answer is, "YES!" to any of these key questions, then who cares if he's a bit out-of-shape or in a dead-end job? Remember, love is always about the big picture.


3)    ALLOWING YOUR FRIENDS TO INTERFERE:  Too many singles sabotage their potential relationships by constantly worrying about what other people think. So stop asking! Relationships aren't a group decision. Singles must understand that, oftentimes, friends have a not-so-hidden agenda. For example, if a friend is single, or in an unsatisfying relationship, he or she will usually prefer for you to be single too. Misery loves company. So when your "best friend" says, "I don't know about that new guy you're seeing--he seems kinda boring," take a honest look at her love life. Is it in her best interest if you remain single?



JOHN:  Alright, it's time for me to chime in here because I agree that it's shocking how many singles--who claim they want to find "someone special"--are actually regularly poisoning their potential relationships. For instance:


4)    ALWAYS BEING NEGATIVE:  People who've been hurt, or who've been unhappy for any length of time, often fall into a dangerous pattern of negativity. They criticize, complain, and just find fault with everyone and everything. If you are one of these unbearable, negative types--,just stop! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! We all know you "can't stand this" and you "really hate that." So instead, try focusing only on the good things in your life. Smile, and tell people you meet about the things you love for a change. That miserable, unhappy vibe is the absolute kiss of death for finding romance. Also, if you're spending a lot of time with someone who is unusually negative, take a step back and make sure that it isn't rubbing off on you. Toxic personalities are contagious, so get rid of 'em!

5)    WHINING ABOUT YOUR EX:  This is a HUGE no-no, but people just can't stop making this mistake. If you've been in a serious relationship before, stop bringing it up when you're with someone new. Trust me, they don't want to hear about it! Of course it's probably going to come up eventually, as a part of your romantic resume. But try your best not to mention it if possible. Not everyone handles his/her jealousy as well as we'd like. Sometimes the most levelheaded, even-tempered people can get very sensitive when it comes to imagining you with someone else. So bite your tongue if you have to; it's a matter of respect for the new person in your life.