Me...or the Dog?

My boyfriend's boxer is ruining our relationship.

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm 35, and for the first time of my life, I'm seriously thinking about marriage. My new boyfriend Brian is the reason; he's amazing! Plus, he's a firefighter, so he's a got a decent job with security. Just one tiny problem: HIS DOG! At first, I thought one of his cutest qualities was his crazy devotion to Geraldine, his four-year-old, 75-pound boxer that he rescued from a shelter. But now I'm not so sure. He regularly calls her the "true love of his life." He runs with her every morning, sleeps with her, takes her to work everyday (she's the mascot of the firehouse) and even takes her on dates with us. If we go to a restaurant, he insists we sit outside and he ties her up next to us; and if we go away for the weekend, it has to be a pet-friendly hotel. I've always liked dogs, and I even had one as a kid, but this is getting to be too much. A couple of weeks ago, I took Brian to my father's house in New Jersey, and--no surprise!--he brought Geraldine along. During dinner, the dog left a giant pile of poop in my father's kitchen, and Brian just laughed it off. He cleaned it up and apologized, but still, I think he should've been more embarrassed. My parents acted like it was no big deal, but later my stepmom said, "He's great, but he's got to get rid of that gross dog." Secretly, I sort of agree. But when I tried to talk to him about it, he snapped at me, saying, "My dog is the greatest thing in my life." Since that tense conversation, he's barely even returning my calls. I don't want to lose him, but I wish he'd lose the dog. Help!

(submitted by   Reddieoz     summarized above)




A: AMY:  This is a tough one for me because I've never, ever had a dog. (Nor have I ever wanted one, even as a child.) So it's almost impossible for me to step into the mind of a dog lover. Nevertheless, I can still understand that a "giant pile of poop" on your parents' kitchen floor doesn't exactly leave the best impression. (On the up side, at least the dog was the responsible guest, right? Sorry--that was unnecessarily gross!) Just face it: your firefighter is never going to be willing to give up his beloved Geraldine. (Remember, this weirdo describes his boxer as the "true love of his life") He's one of those crazy dog people, who thinks that there's nothing wrong--or strange!--about spending 24-hours a day with a damn dog. And don't even get me started on how disgusting it is to allow an animal--that poops outside, rolls around in wet leaves, and sniffs other dogs' behinds--to sleep in your bed. (I honestly can't believe any human being thinks that's hygienic.) You need to decide if Brian is special enough for you to put up with Geraldine. If you bully him into getting rid of her, he'll just end up resenting you down the road. Unfortunately they appear to be a package deal.



JOHN:  When we think of "crazy dog lovers" most people conjure up images of middle aged women carrying around little lap dogs in their purse, referring to them as their "tiny little man," etc. but I think the most severe cases are like this, where a young single male lives alone with a large breed dog. I've known guys like this. And it's true; they start to act like they're married to a helpless, needy dog-wife. The relationship becomes more than just a typical owner-pet relationship. (I'm not implying there's any beastiality! I'm just saying it gets a bit creepy.)

At the same time, I don't understand why Brian should have to get rid of the dog entirely. Plenty of relationships work beautifully with a dog in the picture. Brian just has to dial it down. He's lived alone with the dog for so long that the dog has become his girlfriend, his child and his pet all rolled into one. Now that you're in the picture, the dog can go back to simply being a beloved pet.

So have a talk with Brian. Tell him how he's the first person you've ever felt this close too, this serious about, etc. But explain to him that if he wants it to work, he must put the feelings of his actual human girlfriend before the feelings of his pet dog.