Backstabbed By His Mom!

I trusted her with my darkest secret

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I used to have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend's Mom, Liz, until she completely betrayed me! I'm 26, and I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He still lives at home with his single mom, and I go over to his place a lot to hang out. His mom's only 45, and I've always thought she was really funny, cool, and sweet. We all got along so well that often Liz would come out with us to movies, dinner and even night clubbing! (I've never gotten along with my own mom at all so I was really happy to spend time with her.) I always assumed she liked me because she'd say cute things to her son, like, "You'd better put a big ring on her finger before some other smart guy does." I tried really hard to make her like me too, often buying her DVDs of movies she might like, and never forgetting to buy her nice birthday and Christmas gifts. Then, about three weeks ago, Liz asked me out (alone) for Mexican food. I guess I had a few margaritas too many because I ended up confessing my biggest secret, one I've never told her son:  I worked as an exotic dancer for a couple of years after high school. At the time, Liz just laughed it off, saying, "Don't worry Honey; your secret's safe with me... now that you're getting your college degree, all that's behind you." BUT right afterward, my boyfriend started blowing me off, not returning my texts, calls or e-mails. When I confronted him, he finally admitted, "My mom says you used to be a stripper and you drink too much, OK?!" I'm so upset! I trusted her, and I wanted to marry him. Any advice?

(submitted by TMIgirl44    summarized above)




A: AMY:  Ah! The old take your son's overly trusting girlfriend out alone, get her sloppy drunk on cheap margaritas, then get "the dirt" routine, eh? I have to remember that sneaky "mom trick" myself. But c'mon, what the heck did you think would happen?! Liz will always be his doting mother BEFORE she's your drinking buddy, right? So how could you be stupid enough to believe that she'd ever keep your stripping past a secret? And why should she anyway? You claim you want to marry her son--and you've been dating him for almost THREE years!--but you've never told him that you got naked and swung around a greasy pole for money? Don't those mysterious "two years after high school" ever come up in conversation? If so, what do you say? "I was in the Peace Corps for a couple of years" or "I worked in sales"? Sorry, but I really don't blame your boyfriend for turning on you. And by the way, a former stripper--who drinks too much--isn't exactly a mother's dream daughter-in-law. Despite all that, if your boyfriend really loves you, and believes you've changed, you'll be hearing from him again. Just let him cool off a bit...and be patient. 


JOHN:  I agree! As long as you were just a young naïve stripper trying to make ends meet--and not an actual hooker--he'll probably get over it. And if he doesn't...Good Riddance! Any wimp in his late twenties who lives at home with his mother and can't decide whom he should date on his own, doesn't deserve you. (Amy, before you say a word, I lived above my parents' garage. It's totally different; it was a completely separate structure! Plus, I was only a year out of college!)

And next time, don't be so afraid of owning up to your past. For certain guys, the "reformed stripper" may be the perfect woman. In fact, you might as well just tell them right off the bat. The right guy will be thrilled to find a girl worth bringing home to mom who's also got a secret wild past of sexual exhibitionism. Just be sure to watch the drinking with the FMIL next time.