Facebook Face-Off

My wife wants me to stop using Facebook

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm a 28-year old, just married man. For years, whenever I bumped into friends at parties, they'd always ask, "Hey are you on Facebook?" I wasn't. But then a few months ago, I had lunch with a buddy I used to work with and he started telling me about how great Facebook is because he posts pictures of his baby twin boys for all his friends and family to view. He suggested that I join, so I did. I created a profile and then just forgot about it. But then I started getting alerts from everyone: old friends from grade school, high school and college, former co-workers, business contacts and yes, even girls I used to date. I never responded to any of my exes, but I've really enjoyed reconnecting with long-lost friends. But when very jealous wife found out that some women had contacted me, she went crazy, screaming, "Did you join Facebook just to talk to your exes?" I explained that I'm totally innocent, but she still doesn't trust me. I gave her my password, so she  keeps checking my profile. Still she says, "Either you get off Facebook, or else." Why should she make me to quit Facebook? I honestly haven't done anything wrong.

(submitted by JasonBee   summarized above)




A: AMY:   Gee, I wonder how many perfectly good relationships have been completely destroyed by social "networking" sites like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter? Lots, I bet--that's why I've never used any of them...and never will. Trouble is, people don't realize that when they log in and create a profile, they're opening up Pandora's box, so to speak. Every person they've ever come into contact with--good and bad--now has the official greenlight to try and "connect" with them. What a nightmare! It's like eating at an outdoor café, and having every single person from your entire life stroll by, then stop to chit chat--scary! Now, I do accept that you've "done nothing wrong." But your wife has every right to regularly check your online profile and question any suspicious women who are contacting you. (Snooping is an essential part of every solid marriage!) She's damn right; it's not appropriate for women to contact a married man! So if your wife wants you to get off Facebook, and you want to stay married--then DUH!--get the hell off Facebook! Reconnect with your old friends via e-mail like the rest of us.   


JOHN:  Ah, "be right or be happy"-- the ancient husbands' dilemma. Of course you've done nothing wrong. But if there's even one single woman whose name you'd rather not have pop up on your computer screen, then stop social networking! Facebook-induced jealousy and mistrust has become a nationwide epidemic. Husbands everywhere are being forced to explain to their girlfriends, fiancées and wives that "Sally Jenkins" is just a girl they knew in 9th grade. Sure, they kissed once during a game of "Spin the Bottle," but that was it!

The whole thing is a recipe for disaster.

So do yourself a favor. Close your Facebook account and start over. You can easily setup your own website (try register.com or for mac try mac.com) with a unique domain name. This way you can dictate exactly who gets your web address and you'll be harder to track down through Google.

When a person's single and eager to mingle, social networking is a godsend. But you're married now. So do you really need to provide daily updates to every member of your 3rd grade class?

Trust me. You don't.