Lipgloss Liar!

It's not mine...so whose is it?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  A few weeks ago, I was in the passenger seat of my fiancé, Joe's car. We were going to a party and I was on my cell, getting the details. I needed a pen, but as usual, I couldn't find one in my bag. So I asked, "Got a pen anywhere?" He told me to "look around." So I searched in his glove compartment, all over the floor, then finally in the console between us. I found two working pens--PLUS a tube of barely-used, Revlon sparkly, plum-colored lipgloss--NOT MINE!!! I froze. Then I demanded that he pull over. I wanted to kill him! I shoved the lipgloss in his face and screamed, "What the f*%# is THIS?!!!" Joe looked me straight in the eye and said, "Don't scream at me, Psycho...I've never seen that thing before in my life." We spent over an hour on the side of the road arguing. He reminded me that he bought his 2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse from "a youngish woman" (in 2006) who probably left it in the car by accident. Deep down, I still think he's lying. I don't know why. But I was so upset at the party that I felt like crying. No matter what he says, I feel like I can't trust him anymore. And I've refused to have sex with him ever since this happened. He's sticking with his explanation, but how can I make sure that he's telling me the truth?

(submitted by Kiddes   summarized above)



A: JOHN:  Sparkly lip gloss? So he's having an affair with a fourteen-year-old? Look, I agree it's suspicious, but is there any other evidence whatsoever? Have you caught him lying about other things? Can he not account for his time away from you? Has he been acting distant or quiet? Other than finding the lipgloss, what solid reason do you have to not trust him? You're engaged for God's sake, so why not give him the benefit of the doubt?

That being said, the couple of times I've bought used cars, I went through every single compartment, cup holder and ashtray as soon as I took possession. There's no way in hell that I wouldn't have noticed a tube of lipgloss in the center console. So if you really need to be sure, bluff and tell him that you want to show the lipgloss to the previous owner of the car. If Joe's innocent, he'll reluctantly agree to this demand--and you'll have your answer. (And then, there'll be no real need to actually get the previous owner involved.)


AMY:  People who sell their used cars usually aren't even willing to answer legitimate questions about the engine, brake pads, or a suspicious dent on the door. So what the heck makes you think this previous owner's going to answer a bunch of questions about some stupid old lipgloss? It's pretty doubtful.

But I have another suggestion. (It'll take a little makeup detective work, but it might offer you some clues.) You write that it's a specific "Revlon sparkly plum-colored lip gloss"...correct? OK, what is the exact name on the little round sticker at the bottom of the tube? Now go to your local drug store and check if that specific item is still available on the shelf. Or you can check the Revlon website to see if it's a current shade available for purchase. Every few years, major cosmetic companies tend to change the color names, packaging and code numbers of items to keep things fresh. So--if your fiancé bought the car in 2006--you might be able to figure out if this item existed in 2006. In other words, if you check both the drug store and the website and you can't find anything that completely matches the lip gloss in question, then--hallelujah!--his story holds up.

But if you do find the exact item for sale you'll need to investigate further. Of course, it's possible that he's still telling the truth, but you'll need to dig a bit deeper.

(Unfortunately, after reviewing my advice, I realized that I tote around a bunch of old, expired, rotten lip glosses in my own messy bag. So Joe could be currently having an affair with someone lazy like me, who just doesn't throw out old cosmetics. Sorry, I don't mean to complicate things...just thought I'd mention it.)