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Sex At Sunrise
He always wants it in the morningBy Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz
Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN: I'm an overworked stay-at-home mom of three (2, 4 and 10) and I feel like my husband's sexual needs are getting a little out-of-control. Every morning, at around 6 a.m., he wakes me up wanting sex before he goes to work--but I just want a few more minutes of sleep before my baby wakes up and I have to get my other two ready for school. He even begs me to put on some lacy underwear and garter belts, even though I'm exhausted and I just want to stay in my comfy cotton pajamas. At first, I usually try to put him off saying, "C'mon, let's just do it when you get home." But he always pouts and makes me feel so guilty that I usually end up giving in, even though I'm NEVER really in the mood in the morning. I'd say we end up having sex at least six times a week. In fact, sometimes, he wants it before and after work. I tried to explain that I'd rather do it less, and with more romance, but then he says, "I can't believe you're complaining...Most men cheat, but I still want my wife." I'm still attracted to him, but I'd probably be satisfied having sex once or twice a month. How can we come to a compromise?
(submitted by Lottmarie summarized above)
A: JOHN: Boy, when I tried to go near Amy just now (it's 7a.m.) she looked at me like I was nuts: "No way Creep! We have to finish the damn blog!"
Do you really get up at 6 a.m. and slide on lacy underwear and garter belts? (Jeez, I'm being so neglected in this marriage!) And sex six times a week?! With three kids? You're the perfect wife! Don't stop! Let's just forget you ever sent in this letter because you don't even have a problem. You--and your lucky husband--should be proud.
And I'll bet he's totally kicking ass at work. By having sex with your husband in the morning, you're providing him with the very best mental and physical state for accomplishing his goals--heck, for conquering the world! And by the way, your husband's right. The best way for a couple to avoid adultery is to have sex before they start their day.
Now, I know you're exhausted, and I know it may seem less romantic at 6 a.m., but if you both make sure that the other is satisfied sexually in the morning (the word "both" is key), you're going to have happier, healthier, more productive lives then the rest of us.
AMY: Sex at 6 a.m.? Just the phrase makes me feel like vomiting. I'll never, ever understand weirdo "morning people." You know, the lunatics who have sex, then run five miles and devour six greasy eggs and a pound of bacon before dawn. I can't imagine anyone even having a conversation before 8 a.m. It's gross.
In my world, nothing is more sacred--and valuable--then sleep. And sex is a traditional nighttime activity, like dancing or going to the movies.
As usual, let me apologize for my idiot husband. He can't understand the fact that not every person wants sweaty "wild" sex at all times. He just thinks: "Hey, as long as they're 'doing it,' their marriage is perfect. Unfortunately, he doesn't acknowledge your HUGE problem: You're agreeing to sex--just to shut your husband up.
Women should never feel obligated to have sex with anyone--including their own pesky mates. And his snide remark about how lucky you are to be groped every morning is disgusting.
Since your husband's acting like a demanding, bratty child, it's high time you start treating him like one. So tomorrow morning, when he rolls over and starts bugging you with his morning breath, just tell him, "Absolutely not! You don't call the shots here...I do."
And never, ever give in again...unless you want it.
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Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
Ahh, the mismatched libido topic. Honestly, I think you're both wrong...sorry! John, you cannot honestly expect a woman to give up all of HER sexual desires just to please her man so he can have a good day at work. Sure, it's probably keeping him from cheating, but how is that fair to his wife? He's basically saying "If you do not have sex with me in the morning anymore, I WILL cheat on you." C'mon, that's not right. And Amy, you cannot honestly expect this guy to stop expressing his needs as well just because his wife doesn't want to get up 30 minutes earlier. The only thing to fix this situation is good old fashioned COMPROMISE. The husband can still have morning sex with his wife - 3 times a week. The other 3 times must be when his wife wants it - or doesn't want it. Meaning, if she doesn't want to have sex on one of her days, then they don't. As "unfair" as it may sound that the husband isn't getting to have sex 6 times per week (seriously, with 3 kids? That must be a record.) the wife will feel more in control and probably more satisfied when she is able to initiate sex. As far as lingere in the morning - he just needs to get over that. Begger's can't be choosers.
I think making love (not having sex) between two people who love each other can happen at any time of the day. The key is "making love" - both partners should want to do it. I enjoy morning sex sometimes, but onlly if i pick up the4 vibe that my wife is ready too. The attitude that anyone should make love when both people don't want to is ridiculous! The whole idea of the thing is that it's mutual give and take. I couldn't live with myself if I thought I was forcing myself on my wife, day or night.
Hmmm, seems to me maybe he needs to pitch in on the 3 kids front at home. Maybe next time he nudges you in the morning you pass him a list of chores he could aid you with. No chores, no nudges. It might also help to sit down and discuss how both of you need to address this in an adult fashion before your discomfort becomes frustration then to resentment. By the way, I'm a guy so this isn't just a womans point of view. I am 62 years old however and have made more mistakes in this area than most of you and occasionally learned from the stupidity. Good luck. A happy marriage is a job, not some vacation. If he thinks your lucky he doesn't cheat I wonder if he feels just as lucky as he thinks you feel knowing you don't cheat????
Dude waking you up at 6:00 AM? Thats not right I'd tell him to shove off but not unless I wanted some attention:] If you catch my drift[winkwink nudgenudge]
I have a similar problem, but not as bad. I feel so bad for the woman in this relationship because this is borderline abusive mentally and physically. Just because you say "yes" doesn't technically make it unabusive. You obviously feel intimidated by the situation. Stating that "other men would cheat so she should not complain" is wrong! You never vowed to be a slave to his manly desires. If he truly loves you, he will seriously consider his "requests" and be proactively taking care of the situation on his own..;perhaps in the morning shower!
I love my husband and he feels hurt that I don't want "it" as much as he wants me. He wonders if I think there is something wrong with him, which is not true! My libido is just different than his. We have 4 kids, so sleep is also sacred to me. I actually told him (wrong or right), if he needs it in the morning to go ahead and get it done and let me sleep through it b/c that is much quicker than arguing about it! (He's not down with that at all! But at least I tried to give him an exta option!)
If he needs it that often, He can help himself through it! He must be aware of his wife's inability to keep up and feel that there is nothing wrong with that. If he likes to read, google some statitistics about marital sex lives. Ask your GYN for some suggestions too. Gather some information and leave it in the bathroom to read during his time "alone."
Remember, If it was turned around, the man would simply not be able to "perform". We don't physically have the same anatomical issues, so he it's hard to make your "case" obvious to him without haviing to physically brush him off or say "No!" which is never fun.
Read the scripture from Corinthians that describes "Faith, hope, and love." Then go to Ephesians (i think) and read the description of how you need love and he needs respect. So make sure when you discuss this with him you are respectfull, but firm. and try to talk to your pastor together about the issue.. They have a LOT of excellent advice that comes from the one "man" who binds us together.
It's impossible for us to stay together by the limitations of OUR OWN means. People forget that he made marriage and without God holding us together, helping us through the strange difficult times, our marriages will fail! As people, we will seek other means for our own "needs," because we are all THAT dumb! THERE IS NO NEED FOR THAT! You've got two people who are bound together forever to have the BEST sex with because you are soul mates!
Again, find subtle communication methods, until you are ready to stand up for yourself! Trust me, if he leaves you so he can have sex more often, logically he is doing the opposite of what will occur! NO woman will tolerate such madness.
Most importantly, go to your pastor for help. Though this may seem uncomfortable, work with a pastor that you are comfortable with. You will be suprised as to how much they have to offer and how wise they are on the topic.
Oh, one last thing...there is a book, "The 5 languages of Love" (I think...It's a small red paperback). It will be in the Christian Marriage section. It is amazing. Read it alloud together. I started reading with my husband at night together and found that it brought us closer and got his mind off of doing "other" things. It will help. May God bless you and keep you together.
If you would like to contact me regarding some spiritual guidance that will help, please post on here to walkerrom828 to contact you and I will figure out a way to contact you. Be strong and know you are loved. --K
Wow.... I wish I had a relationship like that. Can you start sleeping by 10 pm? Then you can wake up early for some fun. :)
Seriously this is a total blessing. Enjoy the morning sex.
Gigi
I think that the both of you are wrong about the whole thing. Your husband is trying to keep his drive up and you're complaining about it. Now, he should not say those thing to you about cheating and such, but you should be open to morning sex. How about you relax. That's all i'm saying. Just do it... maybe if you would just chill out you would get more out of it.
You should be thanking god for you 3 beautiful children and husband. I cant keep a man interested in me at all to have sex. I have not been with a man in months. Do it for us women who dont have a boyfriend, husband or lover and wishes every day and night that a man will come into our lives and give a life to look forward to. Good Luck to you and your family. I wish you the best.
You should be thanking god for you 3 beautiful children and husband. I cant keep a man interested in me at all to have sex. I have not been with a man in months. Do it for us women who dont have a boyfriend, husband or lover and wishes every day and night that a man will come into our lives and give a life to look forward to. Good Luck to you and your family. I wish you the best.
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