Hands Off Honey!

I don't want him "helping" an ex


By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY S. JOHN:  I just went with my husband (of six years) to his twentieth high school reunion in New Jersey. During the event, a woman named "Tracy" ran up to my husband, squealing, and kissed him--on the mouth. (It only lasted a second or so, but I couldn't believe my eyes!) Then she grabbed his arm, and pulled him into a corner saying, "I can't believe how awesome you look; Oh my God!--you haven't changed one bit--you're still so hot." I just stood there, shocked, watching from a few feet away, until my husband finally glanced over and said, "Tracy--oh, ah, here's my wife." She shook my hand, then went right back to flirting with my husband. It lasted a full twenty minutes! She kept grabbing his arm, laughing hysterically at everything he said. Then she even ran her hands through his hair, saying, "You're the only guy here, not going bald." On the way home, I grilled my husband about "Tracy." He said, "C'mon, she's just really, really friendly; you're reading way too much into it." He also confessed that they "dated briefly" when they were only seventeen, but never had sex. Now she's recently divorced, and is moving back to our hometown with her two kids. And she's searching for a job, so she exchanged contact info with my husband who runs a mid-sized catering company. In the past week, she's already called twice and e-mailed him asking to "meet and talk about a job." I'm so FURIOUS! But my husband keeps saying, "Why not help an old friend?" 

(submitted by TrishaP   summarized above)




A: AMY:  There's a "Tracy" at every high school reunion. You know, a desperate, drunken divorcee looking to cause trouble in other people's marriages. It's pathetic. But even worse, is your idiot husband who's playing dumb about the situation. After all, what kind of dirt bag husband allows another woman to kiss him on the mouth...ever? When that happened, he should've violently pushed her away, saying, "How dare you!...I'm a married man." And don't be fooled by his lame explanation. Obviously, if they "dated briefly" in high school, there's a history there. I don't care if they were only seventeen and "never had sex." Maybe now that she's free, she'd like to discover what she was missing in high school. And the job angle is highly suspicious. Is your husband's catering company the only place where she could apply? Isn't there a massage parlor or a Wendy's in town? Wake up--she's not an "old friend." She's a snake looking to find a new husband to take care of her and her two kids. Protect your six-year marriage and put your foot down right now. Just tell your husband, "If you have any further contact with Tracy, I'm filing for divorce." That should end this nonsense.
 

JOHN:  (Needless to say, I DID NOT take Amy to my high school reunion.)

First of all, just because this supposed temptress "Tracy" gave your innocent, unsuspecting husband a peck hello that happened to land on his lips, we do not need to demote him to "dirt bag" status. He didn't do anything wrong except walk into the place! "Violently" pushing a woman and shouting "HOW DARE YOU! I'M A MARRIED MAN!" would not have been gallant; it would have made him seem insane! And once again, my loving wife is assuming the absolute worst from all people she's never met. While your husband is certainly under no obligation whatsoever to offer this woman a job, if he needs to fill a position and "Tracy" is qualified, then why shouldn't he? How is "Tracy" any more of a threat than any other attractive woman whom he might hire? (I only say "attractive" because--let's face it--you wouldn't feel so threatened if you didn't think "Tracy" was somewhat attractive.)

Whatever you do, don't listen to my crazy wife! You don't need to threaten divorce. If you feel jealous or uneasy about "Tracy," just tell your husband, calmly and quietly that she makes you uncomfortable. If you know and trust your husband, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

Just relax--and enjoy his full head of hair!