Summer Rental Sex

Can I keep my boyfriend faithful this August?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  My new boyfriend, 24, and five of his buddies from high school always rent a beach house on the Jersey Shore in August. He's always bragging about how much fun they have--hanging out at the beach, dancing, having barbecues, hooking up and partying hard. My boyfriend's unemployed so he's going to stay at the rental place for the whole month of August. He invited me to stay there with him, but I work full-time, so I can only meet him there on the weekends. My problem is that one of these buddies who's renting the house with him is the older brother of a girl who slept with my boyfriend at this same beach house last summer before we met. He admitted that it happened "about six times" but only when he was really drunk. He never dated her and insists he had "no interest in her whatsoever." But I've always heard, through his friends, that this girl is a total slut. So I asked my BF: "Is your friend going to invite his little sister to the beach house again?" Then, he started yelling at me, "You know I can't control who other people invite, especially when they're paying their fair share...so just shut up about it." We had a HUGE fight because I told him he can't go if that girl's gonna be there again. He complained that he's already paid, and he'll lose the $650 if he bails. What should I do?

(submitted by TJlove    summarized above)




A: JOHN:  Sounds like it's time to call MTV! (Have they done "The Real World:  Jersey Shore" yet?)

Look, is this unemployed 24-year-old, who loves "hooking up and partying hard," and who says things like "just shut up about it," really worth the trouble? Guys like this jerk can't even imagine going against their group of guy friends. And they're convinced that any woman who would ask them to is not worth their time. My advice:  Go find a guy with a job and stop wasting your time.

That being said, if you still feel compelled to pursue this relationship, your best tactic is to stop focusing on his buddy's slutty little sister. Because right now, you're just coming off as a jealous, controlling nag.

Over the next couple of weeks, you have to completely change his perception of you and your relationship. Believe it or not, for "the right girl," even a blockhead like this guy, will get off his ass and work hard. You just have to make yourself so attractive (sexy, fun, exciting, etc.) that the idea of wasting another summer with his drinking buddies and mindless hook-ups sounds totally lame. You have to become so seductive, so entrancing, that he feels he has no choice but to find someone else to take his spot at that house.

In short, you have to become Olivia Newton-John at the end of the movie "Grease."



AMY:  Huh? That's your "advice": telling this confused woman that the solution to her dilemma is to "become Olivia Newton-John" at the end of "Grease"? What the hell are you talking about? You're such an idiot; you don't even understand "Grease"-- which, by the way, sends a terrible message. Basically, the film says that "Sandy" (the good girl virgin) must abandon her virtues and identity, and become a smoking, spandexed tramp--at an amusement park, no less--just to snag "Danny."

It's so typical that you think the woman should have to jump through hoops to "trick" a guy into wanting to be with her. 

Although I find it hard to believe that any woman would want to date a low-class loser who gets really drunk and has sex with girls he doesn't care about, I'm going to try to keep my judgment to myself. It is your life.

But you're ABSOLUTELY RIGHT: it's completely inappropriate for him to return to that sleazy summer rental, where that slutty girl will likely be again. After all, if his excuse for his promiscuous behavior is simply that he was "really drunk," then who says he won't do it again?

And you shouldn't feel the need to "babysit" your boyfriend. He's old enough to make a mature choice. So just tell him: "Because of your past behavior, I'm not comfortable with you staying at that summer rental at all; so either lose the $650 or lose me."

Let the chips fall where they may...