Amy vs. John

I don't want him "helping" an ex


By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY S. JOHN:  I just went with my husband (of six years) to his twentieth high school reunion in New Jersey. During the event, a woman named "Tracy" ran up to my husband, squealing, and kissed him--on the mouth. (It only lasted a second or so, but I couldn't believe my eyes!) Then she grabbed his arm, and pulled him into a corner saying, "I can't believe how awesome you look; Oh my God!--you haven't changed one bit--you're still so hot." I just stood there, shocked, watching from a few feet away, until my husband finally glanced over and said, "Tracy--oh, ah, here's my wife." She shook my hand, then went right back to flirting with my husband. It lasted a full twenty minutes! She kept grabbing his arm, laughing hysterically at everything he said. Then she even ran her hands through his hair, saying, "You're the only guy here, not going bald." On the way home, I grilled my husband about "Tracy." He said, "C'mon, she's just really, really friendly; you're reading way too much into it." He also confessed that they "dated briefly" when they were only seventeen, but never had sex. Now she's recently divorced, and is moving back to our hometown with her two kids. And she's searching for a job, so she exchanged contact info with my husband who runs a mid-sized catering company. In the past week, she's already called twice and e-mailed him asking to "meet and talk about a job." I'm so FURIOUS! But my husband keeps saying, "Why not help an old friend?" 

(submitted by TrishaP   summarized above)

Continue reading "Hands Off Honey!" »

Will things ever be hot again?


By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

JOHN:  As the man and husband responsible for this pregnancy (I don't know why I take such pride in writing that, but I do), my job is to be extra nice and attentive to my wife. I'm to keep the house stocked with good healthy food, prepare most of the meals, do most of the cleaning, and generally provide a care-free, peaceful environment in which she can comfortably grow a human being. I also lend a supportive ear when she needs to complain about her crippling fatigue, back pain, stomach pain, nose bleeds, swollen gums, cracked lips, leg cramps, and--she's going to kill me--constipation. She's doing great though, so far, so good.

Continue reading "Sex During Pregnancy" »

Can I keep my boyfriend faithful this August?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  My new boyfriend, 24, and five of his buddies from high school always rent a beach house on the Jersey Shore in August. He's always bragging about how much fun they have--hanging out at the beach, dancing, having barbecues, hooking up and partying hard. My boyfriend's unemployed so he's going to stay at the rental place for the whole month of August. He invited me to stay there with him, but I work full-time, so I can only meet him there on the weekends. My problem is that one of these buddies who's renting the house with him is the older brother of a girl who slept with my boyfriend at this same beach house last summer before we met. He admitted that it happened "about six times" but only when he was really drunk. He never dated her and insists he had "no interest in her whatsoever." But I've always heard, through his friends, that this girl is a total slut. So I asked my BF: "Is your friend going to invite his little sister to the beach house again?" Then, he started yelling at me, "You know I can't control who other people invite, especially when they're paying their fair share...so just shut up about it." We had a HUGE fight because I told him he can't go if that girl's gonna be there again. He complained that he's already paid, and he'll lose the $650 if he bails. What should I do?

(submitted by TJlove    summarized above)

Continue reading "Summer Rental Sex" »

Do kids ruin every vacation?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

AMY:  This Fourth of July has very special significance for me. Since we're having our first baby in September, this is our final INDEPENDENCE Day, so to speak.

And since we're on Cape Cod--home of the old-fashioned family vacation--I'm getting a peek into our not-so-relaxing future. All of a sudden, I'm noticing that there are unruly, noisy brats everywhere: in the restaurants, on the beaches, at the fairs, in the ponds, in the shops, in the galleries and even on the damn nature trails. 

And the poor parents look suicidal. 

Continue reading "Last "Independence" Day!" »

He always wants it in the morning

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm an overworked stay-at-home mom of three (2, 4 and 10) and I feel like my husband's sexual needs are getting a little out-of-control. Every morning, at around 6 a.m., he wakes me up wanting sex before he goes to work--but I just want a few more minutes of sleep before my baby wakes up and I have to get my other two ready for school. He even begs me to put on some lacy underwear and garter belts, even though I'm exhausted and I just want to stay in my comfy cotton pajamas. At first, I usually try to put him off saying, "C'mon, let's just do it when you get home." But he always pouts and makes me feel so guilty that I usually end up giving in, even though I'm NEVER really in the mood in the morning. I'd say we end up having sex at least six times a week. In fact, sometimes, he wants it before and after work. I tried to explain that I'd rather do it less, and with more romance, but then he says, "I can't believe you're complaining...Most men cheat, but I still want my wife." I'm still attracted to him, but I'd probably be satisfied having sex once or twice a month. How can we come to a compromise? 

(submitted by Lottmarie   summarized above)

Continue reading "Sex At Sunrise" »

A guide to "listening" for husbands

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz


JOHN:  As a longtime love advice columnist--and a husband--I should really know better! But I keep making the same dumb mistake over and over again.

RULE: When your wife comes to you with an angry complaint about something, or someone, she wants you to SHUT UP and...LISTEN. She doesn't need you to fix it or try to explain it. She just wants you to be quiet, look her in the eye, and empathize. (Uggh! What could be more tedious? Especially since Amy's angry rants usually last for hours.)

Continue reading "Just Agree With Me!" »

Does having a child raise or lower a couple's quality of life?  Amy and John are dying to know since Amy is expecting!

I trusted her with my darkest secret

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I used to have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend's Mom, Liz, until she completely betrayed me! I'm 26, and I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He still lives at home with his single mom, and I go over to his place a lot to hang out. His mom's only 45, and I've always thought she was really funny, cool, and sweet. We all got along so well that often Liz would come out with us to movies, dinner and even night clubbing! (I've never gotten along with my own mom at all so I was really happy to spend time with her.) I always assumed she liked me because she'd say cute things to her son, like, "You'd better put a big ring on her finger before some other smart guy does." I tried really hard to make her like me too, often buying her DVDs of movies she might like, and never forgetting to buy her nice birthday and Christmas gifts. Then, about three weeks ago, Liz asked me out (alone) for Mexican food. I guess I had a few margaritas too many because I ended up confessing my biggest secret, one I've never told her son:  I worked as an exotic dancer for a couple of years after high school. At the time, Liz just laughed it off, saying, "Don't worry Honey; your secret's safe with me... now that you're getting your college degree, all that's behind you." BUT right afterward, my boyfriend started blowing me off, not returning my texts, calls or e-mails. When I confronted him, he finally admitted, "My mom says you used to be a stripper and you drink too much, OK?!" I'm so upset! I trusted her, and I wanted to marry him. Any advice?

(submitted by TMIgirl44    summarized above)

Continue reading "Backstabbed By His Mom!" »

Do some women only want sex?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

JOHN:  Yesterday, an attractive thirty-six-year-old woman told me--point blank--that she doesn't ever want to get married; she doesn't ever want to have kids; and she definitely prefers "booty calls" to long term relationships with men. It really took me by surprise.

Continue reading "Does "Samantha" Exist?" »

The sexiest scene in movie history?  Amy loves the famous staircase scene in "Gone With The Wind" and almost every scene in "Romeo and Juliet."   John picked the telephone scene in "It's A Wonderful Life."

 

What's your pick for sexiest scene in movies?