Amy vs. John

He always wants it in the morning

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm an overworked stay-at-home mom of three (2, 4 and 10) and I feel like my husband's sexual needs are getting a little out-of-control. Every morning, at around 6 a.m., he wakes me up wanting sex before he goes to work--but I just want a few more minutes of sleep before my baby wakes up and I have to get my other two ready for school. He even begs me to put on some lacy underwear and garter belts, even though I'm exhausted and I just want to stay in my comfy cotton pajamas. At first, I usually try to put him off saying, "C'mon, let's just do it when you get home." But he always pouts and makes me feel so guilty that I usually end up giving in, even though I'm NEVER really in the mood in the morning. I'd say we end up having sex at least six times a week. In fact, sometimes, he wants it before and after work. I tried to explain that I'd rather do it less, and with more romance, but then he says, "I can't believe you're complaining...Most men cheat, but I still want my wife." I'm still attracted to him, but I'd probably be satisfied having sex once or twice a month. How can we come to a compromise? 

(submitted by Lottmarie   summarized above)

Continue reading "Sex At Sunrise" »

A guide to "listening" for husbands

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz


JOHN:  As a longtime love advice columnist--and a husband--I should really know better! But I keep making the same dumb mistake over and over again.

RULE: When your wife comes to you with an angry complaint about something, or someone, she wants you to SHUT UP and...LISTEN. She doesn't need you to fix it or try to explain it. She just wants you to be quiet, look her in the eye, and empathize. (Uggh! What could be more tedious? Especially since Amy's angry rants usually last for hours.)

Continue reading "Just Agree With Me!" »

Does having a child raise or lower a couple's quality of life?  Amy and John are dying to know since Amy is expecting!

I trusted her with my darkest secret

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I used to have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend's Mom, Liz, until she completely betrayed me! I'm 26, and I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He still lives at home with his single mom, and I go over to his place a lot to hang out. His mom's only 45, and I've always thought she was really funny, cool, and sweet. We all got along so well that often Liz would come out with us to movies, dinner and even night clubbing! (I've never gotten along with my own mom at all so I was really happy to spend time with her.) I always assumed she liked me because she'd say cute things to her son, like, "You'd better put a big ring on her finger before some other smart guy does." I tried really hard to make her like me too, often buying her DVDs of movies she might like, and never forgetting to buy her nice birthday and Christmas gifts. Then, about three weeks ago, Liz asked me out (alone) for Mexican food. I guess I had a few margaritas too many because I ended up confessing my biggest secret, one I've never told her son:  I worked as an exotic dancer for a couple of years after high school. At the time, Liz just laughed it off, saying, "Don't worry Honey; your secret's safe with me... now that you're getting your college degree, all that's behind you." BUT right afterward, my boyfriend started blowing me off, not returning my texts, calls or e-mails. When I confronted him, he finally admitted, "My mom says you used to be a stripper and you drink too much, OK?!" I'm so upset! I trusted her, and I wanted to marry him. Any advice?

(submitted by TMIgirl44    summarized above)

Continue reading "Backstabbed By His Mom!" »

Do some women only want sex?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

JOHN:  Yesterday, an attractive thirty-six-year-old woman told me--point blank--that she doesn't ever want to get married; she doesn't ever want to have kids; and she definitely prefers "booty calls" to long term relationships with men. It really took me by surprise.

Continue reading "Does "Samantha" Exist?" »

The sexiest scene in movie history?  Amy loves the famous staircase scene in "Gone With The Wind" and almost every scene in "Romeo and Juliet."   John picked the telephone scene in "It's A Wonderful Life."

 

What's your pick for sexiest scene in movies?

It's not mine...so whose is it?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  A few weeks ago, I was in the passenger seat of my fiancé, Joe's car. We were going to a party and I was on my cell, getting the details. I needed a pen, but as usual, I couldn't find one in my bag. So I asked, "Got a pen anywhere?" He told me to "look around." So I searched in his glove compartment, all over the floor, then finally in the console between us. I found two working pens--PLUS a tube of barely-used, Revlon sparkly, plum-colored lipgloss--NOT MINE!!! I froze. Then I demanded that he pull over. I wanted to kill him! I shoved the lipgloss in his face and screamed, "What the f*%# is THIS?!!!" Joe looked me straight in the eye and said, "Don't scream at me, Psycho...I've never seen that thing before in my life." We spent over an hour on the side of the road arguing. He reminded me that he bought his 2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse from "a youngish woman" (in 2006) who probably left it in the car by accident. Deep down, I still think he's lying. I don't know why. But I was so upset at the party that I felt like crying. No matter what he says, I feel like I can't trust him anymore. And I've refused to have sex with him ever since this happened. He's sticking with his explanation, but how can I make sure that he's telling me the truth?

(submitted by Kiddes   summarized above)

Continue reading "Lipgloss Liar!" »

Amy and John are having a baby

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

AMY:  Yes, it's one hundred percent true! There's so much to tell, so where do I begin?

OK, let's start with the basic facts: John and I are expecting our first child--a baby boy--early this fall. (The "boy" detail really threw me for a loop because I was always certain that, when I got pregnant, I would definitely have a girl--no question. In fact, I'd been keeping an ongoing list of beautiful girls' names since I was about twelve. But I'd never even thought about boys' names. So much for my great "intuition.")

Continue reading "Breaking Baby News!" »

The nature vs. nurture debate continues! Amy and John argue that monogamy has become natural.

Do I have to tell him about my boob job?

By Amy Kean and John D. Schwartz

Q: DEAR AMY VS. JOHN:  I'm 31, and I've been dating "Jason" for almost seven months now, and things have been awesome. We met while lifting weights at my local gym; we're both really into fitness. My secret: I used to be pretty fat. In fact, I lost nearly sixty pounds in my early twenties. The sudden weight loss left my smallish, already saggy breasts really droopy. I was so embarrassed that I never wanted any guys to see me naked...or even in a bathing suit. So I decided to get a breast augmentation for my twenty-fifth birthday. I went to an excellent doctor and opted for a behind-the-muscle procedure. Overnight I went from a miserable 36B to a confident 36DD. And the best part is, NO ONE can tell I have implants. Only my parents and two younger sisters even know I had the surgery. But I'm starting to feel really guilty lately because "Jason" keeps complimenting me on my "awesome body." On our first date, I asked him why he asked me out and he said, "Are you kidding? You had the hottest body at the gym; I had to get your number." And when we're in bed, he keeps focusing on my boobs, saying, "Your breasts are the best I've ever seen--perfect size, perfect shape." I feel so stupid now because it's been nearly seven months, and I've never told him the truth. Plus, I know that he hates fake breasts because, one night while we were watching TV, a girl came on some dumb MTV reality show with HUGE implants and he said, "Yuck--there's nothing worse than fake tits." So if he can't tell, why do I need to tell him? 

(submitted by DistresseDD   summarized above)

Continue reading "My Breasts Are Fake" »