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There's a Man in My Bed
But he's only 3 feet tall (give or take). By Alaina Sheer
Isn't that awful that I don't even know how tall my child is? When Benjamin was a teeny, tiny guy he always checked in the bottom 25th p-rcentile for weight but the top 75th percentile for height. Somewhere along the way, I stopped checking - concluding that the baby height and weight charts were just a bunch of bogus when you come from a line of the tall and skinny (thank you dad).
There's one thing I always, always did "right" in the first few years and that was putting Benjamin to bed on time, every time in his own sweet little bed.
As a single mom, his going down at the same time every night with little effort was essential to my mental health and dating life. But after all of that effort, never flinching or breaking the routine, I broke the rules a few weeks ago.
The reason? It was a good one. We both had the flu - not your average flu, no, this one had us laid up for over one week. When he's sick I need to keep a close watch on him and "Mommy's bed" was the only logical option. So for one week straight we slept together. And now, as if the previous two years have completely vanished, he is refusing to sleep in his own bed.
I've tried every night since we've been well to get him back on track. But he can open the door on his own now so I have to actually crouch in the hallway holding the door knob tight while he kicks and screams. After about five minutes, I usually cave and open the door to find his little face completely red and swollen with snot dripping out of his nose.
"Alright," I cave, "come on down to Mommy's bed."
Last night, after yet another failed attempt I wondered - Why is this so bad? I'm not planning on dating anyone else again anytime soon... and even if I did bring a man home Benjamin would be at a sleepover or at his father's house. And, again being selfish here, hearing his sweet soft breaths helps me fall asleep faster.
Some say co-sleeping actually increases the bond between mother and child. Co-sleeping advocates go so far as to say that sleeping together is essential when the mother and child are apart during the day. But co-sleeping critics beg to differ, attesting that co-sleeping could lead to an unhealthy co-dependence on the child's part later in life.
Where do you stand? I need some opinions.
Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
I can tell you as a single mom myself, and having two well adjusted teenaged boys, that co-sleeping is fine. Both of my sons slept with me until they were ready to go in their own beds, which for my oldest was around 5 and my youngest at around 6. I did date, have had a long term boyfriend and when he would come over or I would be at his house, the boys would sleep in another room. They didn't even question... of course mostly because they'd get to sleep in the living room like a sleep over party. LOL! They did grow out of it eventually, and now they have no separation anxiety, and they are 15 & 13. I also co-slept with my single mom when I was a kid until I decided on my own that I wanted to sleep in my own bed, at around 6 or 7. Again, I could be wrong, but I feel like I am a perfectly healthy, well adjusted adult. So the "experts" can say all they want but the proof is in the pudding.
However, if you want to put your son in another bed in another room, then I would suggest following "The Supper Nanny's" advice about bed time rituals. It seems to work, makes the most amount of sense too. You just keep putting them back to bed with fewer and fewer words talking to them, until finaly you don't say anything to them when you put them back to bed. Seems like the first night maybe two are the hardest and longest, but after that they realize you're serious and consistant and they go to bed without too much fuss.
Of course I've never tested this out myself, so I'm only going on what seems to be happening on her show. However, I have used, even before watching it, some of her other techniques and they are very good and work all the time. So I'd say she has pretty good advice.
Whatever you decide to do, don't let anyone tell you it's wrong. YOU are the mom, and YOU know what's best for your child! :D
My little man sleeps in different places ... naps at daycare in his own little bed, spends the night at Grammy's in his own little bed, then sleeps with me in our unintential co-sleeping bed. I say unintentional because we were renovating his bedroom ... got rid of his crib ... couldn't find a bed I could commit to buying (I'm picky) and so as a single mom, he slept with me in my bed. His actual bedroom is now an unintentional storage room (I'm working on clearing it out so he can have his own room) but what I've discovered is that I LOVE co-sleeping. We didn't do this when he was a baby, but now, I wouldn't give it up for anything. Unless he wanted to stop, of course.
I feel so happy that it works for us. Both of us get a great sleep and nothing is more wonderful than the feeling I get knowing he is safe beside me. I also think that if there were an earthquake or fire or some other type of disaster, that I would be within arms reach of him. That makes me feel really good about our situation.
They are only little for so long and I feel like I get to spend extra time with him by co-sleeping. It's got to be the favourite part of my day : )