Mama Drama

Copy Cat

2009-05-25T00:33:27Z

What do you do when your three-year-old is repeating everything for better or worse?

By Alaina Sheer

My son, Benjamin, is repeating everything I say. Not just the words; no, his evolving three-year-old mind is now reenacting moments from movies or our lives over and over and over again. It's a bit maddening but also quite hysterical, frightening and fascinating at the same time.

]]>
1. Prince Charming

After a week with grandma and his father, Benjamin returned this Friday proudly declaring that his new name would be Prince Charming.

"I Prince Charming," he boldly declared when I picked him up from his father's this Friday. Maybe he had been watching Shrek or maybe someone thought it would be funny because the tagline to my blog is "Prince Charming can kiss my ---." Either way, I had a good laugh and probably encouraged him to say it even more.

2. Salt Water

Benjamin saw Madagascar this weekend and has since been spitting his water out--spraying it, actually--and declaring that it "tastes like salt water."

3. My Mommy's Crazy

This one emerged after a weekend at grandma's. Knowing my mother's sense of humor, this was a set-up. But he came home and told complete strangers "My mommy is crazy" at every chance he had.

4. The Swear Words

I won't reprint them here because I'm sure you can imagine. But Benjamin is now repeating my swear words the second after they escape my mouth, which is rare but frequent enough. He must know they're off-limits though because they're only uttered in these moments.

5. I'm Dead

This is a new one. He's now faking his own death, talking about dying and saying "I die" or "I'm dead" on a semiregular basis. The culprit in this case is his five-year-old best friend, Sydney. When he first said it I was taken aback but then took it in stride. I realize that death and life are both a fact of life; you can't avoid those words.

What do you do to protect or censor your kids from outside talk? I've resigned myself to the fact that my only stance can be reactionary to what he will inevitably learn and to teach him what is right and wrong after he's learned the words. Am I wrong to take this route?

Link Love

2009-05-20T16:45:00Z

Various adventures and tales from the blog world

By Alaina Sheer

Last week on Fabulous Financials, Single Ma wrote a thought-provoking and hilarious post on a conversation her daughter had with a two of her girlfriends about fake contacts and butt pads. Read it here.

On Notes to Self, you must read about the author's choice of a necklace bearing her husband's name. It's a short but sweet post reminding all of us that some married couples are in love.

I did something very, very brave this weekend. My friend Kristin writes about it on her blog, Better Now.

Link Love

2009-05-12T13:47:30Z

School's almost out! Blogging moms prepare.

By Alaina Sheer

Benjamin goes to his day care three days a week. The staff is extremely sensitive to my single momness and are always understanding of my schedule. They also don't freak out every time Benjamin has the sniffles. As Pisces Hanna of Cost of Living wrote this week, many daycare cenrters are much less lenient. I can't even imagine having to deal with such an insensitive and impractical day care.

]]> Check it out here.

And school is almost out. I still haven't entered the land of summer vacations for the little ones but the Integrated Mother has. Read her post on summer break for some tips on managing work, kids and no school.

Dad Shopping

2009-05-12T13:23:41Z

I have a theory on dating called "man shopping" but what about when you are also "dad shopping"?

By Alaina Sheer

I've been applying my man shopping theory to dating for years now and it's paid off. I've avoided most of the bad boys and only kept them around if I wanted them around. But what happens when it gets serious? What happens when there's a chance this will evolve into a full on relationship with a path straight toward the pearly white and (quite frightening) marriage gates.

]]> I've recently started seeing a man who is very serious about his intentions in our budding relationship. He wants us, both Benjamin and I and he's not afraid to express these feelings. And in fairness to each other we are both going to promise to let the other know the minute we think it may not work. We're both 30. I have a little family of two. He wants a family. We're both 30-years-old and time, we agree, is of the essence.

But for now, in this moment of our relationship (the beginning), we are treating it as if it has a long term future. So my mind, as a mother, is crossing off the "would be a good dad check list?"

Here is my dad shopping list:

1. He wants children of his own.
2. He jumps at the chance to make a grocery run for us when we're sick.
3. He talks about teaching my son how to play baseball and all of that other dad stuff fathers are supposed to do.
4. He says this is the beginning of something beyond words.
5. He can't wait to introduce my son to his family.
6. He isn't addicted to video games.
7. He has a college degree.
8. His list of what qualities his children will have matches mine.
9. He is not opposed to being a stay at home dad.
10. And finally, his family comes first in his own life so you know his wife and children will too.

That's my list. And just a note - this is not my husband list, just my dad list. What's on your dad list? If you're a married mom what makes your husband a great father?

Dr. Mom vs. the Pediatrician

2009-05-11T12:12:50Z

This Single Mom prescribes good old-fashioned healing.

By Alaina Sheer

I am running out of the door this morning to take Benjamin to the hospital because his eye, after a knock on a toy truck at his father's house, is now red. I'm freaked. Goes with the mom territory.

Actually being freaked about our child's health is the chief job description for any new mom it seems. I was one of them (and still am to a certain extent) until I finally took on my pediatrician when he tried, once again, to put my son on antibiotics.

]]> This week of staying home with Benjamin and mending him the good old-fashioned way changed our little world. He hasn't been on antibiotics since because he's never had an illness warranting them again.

Coincidence? I doubt it.

This reminds me of a post that I wrote over one year ago:

When it comes to my son and his health...I always cave the minute a doctor says, "looks like he needs some antibiotics."

I blame my knee-jerk and submissive reaction to 1. my ignorance about all things medical, 2. my severe guilt for being a full-time single working mom and 3. my desire to just get the hell out of his office because we've been waiting over an hour in that stuffy little room.

It's happened three times this winter. We go in. Wait nearly two hours to see the pediatrician. And then leave 10 minutes later with a prescription for an ear infection. Always the same. This is followed by 10 days of hell as I force Benjamin to take the nasty stuff and spend a majority of my time cleaning his diarrhea diapers.

So when Benjamin started rubbing his ear this past weekend I tensed up. Oh no. No. Not again. I prayed it was a fluke but then he started shaking his head, then tipping it and finally pressing his ear to his shoulder while shrieking and crying in pain. Yep. Another ear infection.

Now, this should be the time that mommy runs to the pediatrician's office and gets another antibiotic, right?

Nope. To hell with that guy and his stupid antibiotics. So I read up (online, of course). And look what I found. This article on Dr. Greene.com. He says a few things:

Some kids really need them, but most don't
Antibiotics only speed the healing of an ear infection by a day or two
Ear infection pain can be treated in other ways and,
Most children recover completely without antibiotics*

I kept reading his site and found some homeopathic remedies like ear drops that sooth the pain and ear ache wellness chewable tablets. The next day I dragged Benjamin to Whole Foods and stocked up. And now, four days later and many, many nights of fevers and aching ears he's feeling better.

Go, Benjamin Go! I knew you could do it!

Note to self: start acting like a real mom and read up on this stuff; ditch the guilt and find another pediatrician.

*[If your child is still spiking high fevers and in pain after 48 hours of said ear infection Dr. Greene recommends taking them to a physician]

UPDATE: The homeopathic stuff worked - he's 100% better now...just 5 days after the first signs of that ear infection. Dr. Single Mommy rocks! And so do natural fixes.

Mother's Day Link Love

2009-05-06T13:05:08Z

With Mother's Day fast approaching here are some amazing posts from across the blogosphere...

By Alaina Sheer

]]>

The first on Lost Bird Found is a poem her mother wrote before she passed away. This took my breath away, it's absolutely stunning. Please read it and share the words with your mother on Sunday.

And with everyone scrambling for Mother's Day gifts, here's a post on Parenting.com by Rocks in My Dryer on what not to buy your mother on her special day.

Last but not least, here are some fabulous Mother's Day gift ideas from WEtv's own Christine Coppa.

What are you doing for Mother's Day? Any special plans?

Swine Flu Freak Out

2009-05-03T23:45:26Z

Are you a victim?

By Alaina Sheer

I have been hearing chatter about the Swine Flu online all week.

One amazing thing about not having a television (yes, I'm weird) is isolating yourself from sensational news stories. Not that the Swine Flu is merely a sensational news piece, I'm not trying to discount the victims or question the validity of the reports but I do think the television media has a way of making something seem much, much more frightening than it actually is.

When I finally asked someone at work what all of the Swine Flu fuss was about his eyes got really big and he said, "it's a pandemic. A real pandemic. People are dying all over the world."

]]>
"Oh, I don't know. I'd be scared to fly. The victims are all young."

Fantastic. Could it really be that serious? Or is this another case of the media crying wolf and my unsuspecting countrymen blowing a story out of proportion? Either way I sat there and envisioned Benjamin and I flying out for our vacation to Vancouver only to return with a deathly illness.

Then I waited until this weekend when I sat down to read up on the Swine Flu.

Keep in mind, up until tonight, everything I knew about the Swine Flu had been gathered from word of mouth in my office or from my friends. With the exception of a few people who told me not to worry at all most of them were striking the fear of God in me about flying with a toddler.

So here's what I found out, courtesy of the New York Times:

In general, younger children are more vulnerable to infections, but children seem to be faring well in this particular outbreak. Healthy children older than 2 years of age should have no greater risk than adults while traveling. However, good hand hygiene is very important. Newborns and infants may be at greater risk, so the prudent measure would be to postpone nonessential travel for them.

And then I found this from CNN:

Even if there are swine-flu deaths outside Mexico -- and medical experts say there very well may be -- the virus would have a long way to go to match the roughly 36,000 deaths that seasonal influenza causes in the United States each year.

Both of these pieces were buried far from the headlines but I found them in a few seconds. Amazing isn't it? As mothers do you ever feel "used" by the mainstream media? And how many of you are actually paranoid about the Swine Flu?

I'm more fascinated about the spread of an irrational fear and news story than I am about the spread of a nasty flu virus - so I'll probably be taking a newspaper on the plane instead of a mask.

Link Love

2009-04-28T21:32:09Z

Alaina rounds up the best in the mommy blogosphere.

By Alaina Sheer

When Benjamin turned two I realized every trip I took would have to include two plane tickets. And when you have two children like Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child, that's expensive. Oh! And she has a husband too. Ouch. Is it possible in this economy to take a real vacation? Definitely. Especially when vacation is a state of mind. Read her post to find out how she did it.

]]>

Boys vs. Girls.

I hear it all of the time, "Benjamin is such a boy." Mothers of girls go on and on about how different the two sexes are as they watch my son climb a rock wall or jump off of the highest playground ledge without flinching. As one of six, three boys and three girls, I can't agree more. There is a clear difference between the sexes at a very early age. Check out this case in point by The Pioneer Woman. This post, by the way, makes me want to start making more babies pronto. Benjamin should have someone to beat up.

Twitter to fix your car? And everything else?

I use Twitter for just about everything. And if my car broke down I'd probably be Tweeting away. Read this post by the Bloggess though, before you think of using Twitter for such things.

Is it Time for a Dog?

2009-04-27T11:05:34Z

I feel like I'm avoiding the inevitable.

By Alaina Sheer

Last week on our Saturday adventures Benjamin disappeared over a hill at the park. I dashed to the top and could see that my little three-year-old, but only as a little spec on the horizon. He'd ran to the park's edge to pet a stranger's dog.

]]>
Garrrrrrrr....

Why am I such a nim wit sometimes? Why do I even let the words fall out of my mouth?

"Yes! Yes! I want a dog Mommy."

Of course he wants a dog. What little boy wouldn't want a dog?

For the rest of the afternoon Benjamin is chasing down dogs. Rather than pull on their ears of coarse his fingers though their fur in the wrong direction, Benjamin was gently petting each one and asking the dog's owner, "what's his name?"

And by the end of the day he had me thinking, is it time for a dog?

We've been a family of two plus two pesky cats for three years. Should we add one more? There are a few major pros to having a dog, from what I can tell, and they include:

Protection and security, which is doubly important when you are a single mom.
Friendship. Man's best friend, right? I know Benjamin could use a pal.
Friend and date maker. Dogs are great ways to break the ice with other parents when you're out and about or even men! Hmmm....

The negatives include:

Walking all year round.
Vet bills.
Slobber and all things doggish like mud, dirt and smelliness.

What do you think? Should we get a dog?

Burning Camisoles?

2009-04-21T23:24:06Z

Should there be a movement to burn camisoles?

By Alaina Sheer

This week on Rocks in My Dryer Shannon, a 30-something mother of four, writes about her disdain for layering and the camisole. I can completely relate. I probably only have two or three summer shirts I can wear without a camisole or tank top underneath. What's the deal? Is it a layering conspiracy? Read her post here.

]]> When you drop your own baby. It happens.

Somehow I survived Benjamin's baby years without a horrific accident. There was that one time he crawled over to the top of the stairs while I was getting ready for work and then fell all the way down. I screamed my living brains out, cursed at my own mother for not shutting the door, and then clutched his body so tight finally loosening my grip to examine him only to find that he was - a - o - k. Absolutely perfect. Babies are resilient. It's a survival mechanism or something. This week all of those memories came flashing back when I read Bad Mutha Blogger's story of dropping her son on the way to a swim lesson. There was an ambulance. There were scared and concerned strangers. And, of course, one very freaked out mom. Read about it here.

Should you quit your day job?

The Integrated Mother wrote this week about once having to fit her life around her work. I feel that way, every day. So I can completely relate. And her post has me thinking. She took a risk years ago and it's paid off. She's now working several jobs but that work is scheduled around her life, not the other way around. Would you ever quit your day job and work for yourself? Or what about taking on a part-time job with less money but more free hours?

My Body Guard

2009-04-19T02:23:08Z

Somewhere along the way my three-year-old son has learned to scare off men.

By Alaina Sheer

This weekend Benjamin and I took a trip downtown. Along the sidewalk, I made Benjamin tilt his head back and look up. I watched his face as he lost his balance and stared in awe at the massive building above him. A few minutes later we were walking across the lawn of the State House building.

"You like to take pictures, don't you?" a man on the park bench asked.

]]>
I held onto my camera and reached for Benjamin's hand, "C'mon honey."

The man was nice but not my type and I was in a hurry to get back to the car. He kept talking to me but his words stopped short when Benjamin suddenly barked, "Stop! Stop flirting with my mommy!"

The man's face looked confused. He hadn't completely understood but my son's fierce face and body language were a dead giveaway.

"I have no idea what he said," I laughed as Benjamin tugged at my hands and pulled me away.

When I tucked him in his car seat I caught his eyes in mine and he stared right back - and in that stare I could see my little boy, not my little baby. And apparently he's a bit protective of his mama.

Now, how adorable is that? I love it. But I really, really want to know who taught him what flirting meant. Has he heard me use the word? This three-year-old business is crazy stuff. Just wondering what he'll say or do next and also wondering if scaring off men will become a regular habit.

The Unimaginable

2009-04-14T18:58:18Z

Two mom bloggers lost their babies this week. I can't even bear to write those words.

By Alaina Sheer

Last week I got an e-mail from my friend Matt.

"You probably saw on Twitter, but a friend of mine lost her baby last night. They were at the play date in the park."

I hadn't heard.

]]> Somehow in the midst of everything I had missed the Twitterverse and Blogosphere erupt with the news of 17-month-old Maddie's death. The outpouring of support from bloggers like Matt and hundreds of others has been extraordinary gathering national press attention and has amounted to over $20,000 donated to the March of Dimes in Maddie's name.

Please lend your support to the Sphore Family here on UnDomestic Diva's website. Their tribute site for Maddie keeps crashing so it's best to use that link.

Just days later news rippled across Twitter of another mom blogger who had lost a child, far too early.

Thalon Bruce Myers passed away on April 12th.

At this writing his mother has not updated her blog but had written a post on April 9th about Thalon's ear and throat infection. Then four days later these words came:

please forgive me my little man. I feel like I failed you in so many ways. i miss you with all the breathe i tried to breathe back into your beautiful body and soul and hope you know i love you with every tear, breath and cell left in this heartbroken fucked up body. i so wish i could be the one to take your place. i'd do it in a heartbeat because i don't know if can live without seeing your sweet, sweet smile again.

See photos and leave a comment of support for the Myers Family here.

The Mom Wars

2009-04-12T14:06:29Z

Alaina asks why moms can't just get along.

By Alaina Sheer

Coming into motherhood at a fairly young age, only 26, I was one of the first in my circle of friends to have a child. Now that all of my friends are catching up it's interesting to see how we all fall into our mom roles and who fits into what mom category.

]]>
And then there are the married moms vs. the single moms.

Us single moms don't want their husbands - believe me - but many married moms look at single moms as a threat or maybe they're just jealous of our fabulous husbandless lives. I've found that only the most secure and happily married moms can actually hang out with my single mom friends and I.

I hate divisions, always have. But I can't help but feel like the married moms don't want anything to do with me no matter how hard I try to gain their approval. Once Mia, my best friend and I, were invited to a party by a male and married friend of mine. When we arrived we walked into the back yard with our little ones hopping ahead of us and our left fingers baren. Around the corner, on the patio, we found five wives, their husbands scattered about behind them tending to man things like beer and barbeque.

The glares were hard to ignore and so were the inquisatory questions. As soon as we left Mia and I compared notes only to find that we both felt equally uncomfortable. I breathed a sigh of relief because I thought I'd been having a paranoid delusion. But if Mia, the ultimate socialite, felt uncomfortable and felt the heat of the married moms glares than it definitely wasn't just me.

What do you think? Do you have married mom vs single mom wars in your lives? What about stay-at-home moms versus working moms?

And why can't we all just get along? We are all mothers after all.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2009-04-07T12:59:50Z

A roundup of the week's best posts in the parenting blogosphere.

By Alaina Sheer

When Cancer Strikes a Single Dad

One of my single dad blogging friends, Jim Everson, has been battling skin cancer for what seems like ages now. My mind has trouble going here - to the pain he must be feeling - because my own father died of cancer and witnessing it was horrific, to say the least. There is quite possibly no worse death or struggle one can face, aside from being eaten alive by snakes or some kind of bug. I'm making that joke only because I know it would make Jim smile and maybe even laugh a little.

]]> Please visit his blog and send him all of the love you can muster.

A Wordless Wednesday that actually Made Me Pee Myself a Little

Just click here. [Also, hoping this makes Jim laugh]

When Your Friend's Husband Cheats

If you haven't discovered Pistols and Popcorn yet, you're missing out. Just awarded with a 2009 Bloggie Award, the author - Jodi - always makes me think. This week she found out one of her friend's husbands has been having an affair. She can't even bear the sight of said husband anymore but asks on her blog if she is overreacting. Having recently gone through this with my own best friend I can totally understand that feeling of wanting to kill the guy, especially when children are involved. Read about Jodi's experience here.

No Room for a Man

2009-04-04T01:52:10Z

If a man does show up will I even have room for him?
By Alaina Sheer

This week a few things happened that pushed my schedule from jam packed to bursting at the seams. I'm always busy - rarely finding the time to even sit down and watch TV show. If I'm not working I'm playing with Benjamin and if I'm not doing either of those I'm sleeping or hanging out with my friends. There is little room for anything else, or is there?

]]> read more about it here. You can imagine how my head was spinning after that phone call. And then there was the paperwork. On top of that new car thing, on Wednesday I had a photo shoot for a local magazine featuring me as one of the Sexy Singles in the City. And all this week I've been potty training Benjamin which has seemingly thrown everything else off.

Right now, as I type this I'm listening to Benjamin play with his trains and am surrounded by tomorrow's messes I'll be cleaning up. My eyes are so incredibly heavy and my head is pounding with fatigue but I'm still inexplicably happy. And while it would be wonderful to have a pair of steady hands rubbing my back as I laugh about my day or to hear a deep voice reading Benjamin good night stories while I soak in the bathtub, I can not imagine where or how a man could possibly fit into our jam packed lives.

How do those married mothers do it? Do they honestly have time for their passions (mine is writing and blogging), the kids and their husbands? I'm assuming those who do must have incredibly supportive husbands who aren't constantly needing care or attention. I can't imagine having to clean one more dish right now or wash one more shirt. So is it really possible to have it all? Wouldn't I have to give something up to make room for a man? I like to think I could make him fit but am I kidding myself? If the right one came along I'm sure he'd be worth it, just as Benjamin is (who I can't imagine my life without) but until that day comes I'm definitely not complaining.

Because I think I'm on single mom cruise control and it feels absolutely amazing.