Revisiting Brideshead Revisited

Chuck goes to the movies and shares his family code.

A few weeks ago Cinematherapy promoted the movie Brideshead Revisted starring: Matthew Goode (Charles Ryder), Ben Whishaw (Sebastian Flyte), Hayley Atwell (Julia Flyte) and Emma Thompson (Lady Marchmain). Since we advertised the film I thought I should check out the movie. It's strikingly beautiful, filled with stunning shots of the English countryside, Venice, and the Quads of Oxford. At first glance the film appears to be a frilly chick flick with all of the trappings like great costumes and romantic drama (of the highest order); the gay man within me was jumping with delight.

But upon closer scrutiny the film is truly about family dysfunction wrapped in the gift paper of patrician sensibilities. The movie (an adaptation of Evelyn Waugh's novel of the same name) delivers the timeworn message that money doesn't buy you happiness, but it does allow you to wear haute couture while being miserable.

Charles Ryder is a proletariat art student at Oxford University who is seduced by the rarefied world of English nobility when he is befriended by fellow student Lord Sebastian Flyte. Sebastian is a gay libertine who falls head over heels for Charles and brings him home to his family's estate, Brideshead. Charles is quickly bewitched by their aristocratic existence, especially the works of art (including Sebastian's sister, Julia). He discovers that the matriarch of the family, Lady Marchmain, rules the family with an iron fist wrapped in a steel glove. She is a staunch Catholic (they even have a chapel in the house) and imposes her religious will on whomever she encounters, including Charles who is an atheist. The film quickly transitions into a tangled love triangle between Charles, Sebastian and Julia, and all of the family ills caused by a dominating mother replete with alcoholism, guilt manipulation, self loathing and relationship neglect. The characters are constantly torn between their desire to live their own lives and their childhood upbringing that won't allow them to do so. Ultimately they all choose the programming that was instilled in their psyche as children over their desperate pining for happiness.

The thing I liked most about this movie, other than the costumes, is that it made me very appreciative of my crazy dysfunctional family. My family has every one of these characters in some form or another: alcoholics, gays, fiercely religious devotees and obnoxious jokers (i.e., me). But unlike the characters in Brideshead, we have a strict family code: nothing separates you from family. We may not approve of something another family member does or even his or her lifestyle, but estrangement is never an option. My mother would often say that love is an action, not a feeling; so it's entirely possible to force yourself to love someone.

She and my father would also tell us (my brother, sister, and me) not to believe things just because they said so and to go find out for ourselves, and I'm teaching my kids the same principles. The good thing about that philosophy is that your children grow up and decide what and who they will be, unencumbered by the useless guilt brought about by parental expectations. The bad thing is that they may become something that rubs you the wrong way. My dad always envisioned me taking over his printing business, and I'm sure I broke his heart when I quit the business, and my mother thought I was crazy when I told her I was going to be a stand up comic. But no matter what choices I have made, good or bad, they have stood by me and supported me and my siblings as well. That's why I'm thinking about having a sex change just to put them to the test.

None of the children in my family turned out to be exactly what my parents thought we should be, but that's because they gave us the freedom to make our own choices after they felt they properly equipped us to make them.  I'm sure my kids won't be what I feel they should be either; but regardless of what they choose to do or become in life, I will be there in loving support... unless they become Republicans. C'mon I'm joking; I would force myself to love them anyway.