Sour Grapes?

Chuck shares tips on keeping sex interesting in a marriage.

By Chuck Nice

I couldn't sleep the other night and I found myself watching a movie that should have been an effective tranquilizer, but I somehow stayed with it to the bitter end. Its title is Trust the Man, starring David Duchony, and Julianne Moore; oh yea, Maggie Gyllenhaal also stars but for purposes of this blog she doesn't matter. The story revolves around the struggles faced by couples who have been involved in long standing relationships, and the dynamics that challenge and dissolve the glue of those unions. The only plot details that I will consider is the marriage of Tom (Duchovny) & Rebecca (Moore), who have two children and have settled into a comfortable and successful New York existence. Tom is a 40 year old hypersexual stay-at home dad who relinquished a successful-yet-unrewarding career for the pleasures of child rearing. Rebecca is a Broadway star who is focused on her career and family, and has neither the time nor the necessary energy to indulge her husband's carnal desires. Their relationship is the classic cliché of a husband who is constantly begging for sex and a wife who gives nothing but denials in return. Their relationship is strained when Tom cheats on Rebecca with the parent of one of his children's classmates who seduces him while the kids go on play dates. 

Sex is a difficult and complex issue in any relationship, even though it should not be. There are so many dynamics at play including: power, emotions, health, hygiene, satisfaction, boredom, excitement and compatibility, that it's amazing that couples end up having sex at all. Tom and Rebecca displayed some common characteristics that I hear many of my friends talk about in their relationship. Rebecca was seldom in the mood for sex and when the mood struck her she didn't seem to really want to be there. I'm not sure what happens when couples are together for a prolonged period of time but it seems kill their sex drives. My best friend Carlos says that we just get tired of doing it with same person. I'm not sure if he's right. Look, I love grapes and I could eat them every day; in fact there are very few days in the year when I don't eat them. Some days I have just few and other days I will eat an entire bunch. But I have never looked into my refrigerator and thought "That's it! I'm sick of these delicious natural snack treats." Sometimes I love them a little and sometimes I love them a lot, but I always love them. I think sex in a relationship should be treated like my love for grapes. You're not always going to want a bunch but it's great to keep them on hand just in case you want a little taste.

I'm not going to try and resolve the issue of marital sexual dysfunction during the course of this blog; I will leave that to the experts... prostitutes. But I will say that there are a couple of things that you can do to help your married sex life: 1) DO IT! Sex is like money; the more you get the more you want. 2) DO IT EVEN MORE! If you're married, and you're not going to cheat, then the person you're with is your only hope for a satisfying sex life. Why complain about the air when there's nothing else to breathe? 3) DO IT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT! Sex is practiced just like anything else. No one sits down at the piano and immediately starts playing a concerto, unless you're Mozart -- in which case you should be sharing your gift with the world. Now I may be oversimplifying a very complicated issue and I'm not sure if my advice will work; but I am damned sure that you'll have a good time finding out -- and if you don't, maybe you should to try eating grapes.