The Marriage Myth

Believe it or not I have been trying to watch the movie 27 Dresses for about a month. Why? Well some movies are tailor made for this blog; and when I see the advertisements I get excited to write about them. The movie stars Katherine Heigel (Jane), James Marsden (Kevin), Malin Akerman (Tess) and Ed Burns George), and it's your typical chick flick wedding movie with a slight twist. Jane thinks she's in love wit her boss George. She secretly admires him from afar and the more she conceals her feelings the stronger they become. She finally musters the courage to reveal her true feelings when he meets her beautiful younger sister and they fall in love and decide to get married. Jane is then called upon by her sister to plan the wedding of the man she clandestinely wants to marry. Something struck me while watching this movie: Women really want to get married.

I am a big proponent of marriage, with one exception; when more importance is placed on the wedding than on the marriage itself - when getting married is about a day instead of a lifetime. I know it sounds silly but I know women who have actually gone through with their marriage, despite having serious doubts, because they wanted to live out a day they have dreamed about since childhood. I asked my wife why a wedding means so much to women and she explained to me that it's the one day where it's all about that woman. It really is like your own personal holiday where everyone else stops what they're doing to honor you. Her explanation made me feel just a bit guilty about the fact that we eloped; the money we saved promptly erased that guilt. I completely understand the desire of a woman to have her own day and no one should poop on that dream if that's what she wants, but to take on the biggest endeavor that you will ever face outside of parenting just to experience the pageantry of a ceremony is insanity. Hey, weddings are great and they should be as simple or elaborate as one can afford; but the reason why the day celebrates the bride is because her life is gong to be really tough from that moment forward. It's a fact that marriage is much harder on women than it is on men. Women will most likely work and take care of the home and provide care for the children, while men will not make nearly as big a contribution. Faced with those prospects I think you deserve a wedding every year; but only if you're doing it for the right reasons.

So how do you know that you're getting married for the right reasons? Well I'm glad you asked. First you have to imagine some slight adjustments to the ceremony itself. Instead of Vera Wang gown, substitute a burlap bag. Now imagine the beautifully decorated reception hall as a leaky dank basement where stale crackers and water will be served; don't worry, the water will be bottled. Now picture the groom as fat and bald with some minor prostate problems and a generally cranky disposition (believe me that's where he's headed). If you still want to get married then you're doing it for the right reasons. If not, then hold off on the nuptials and throw yourself a kick ass party. I'll bring the crackers and water.